Leaving 18 year old son alone overnight

[Anonymous]

He still lives with me and overall is a good kid but I am paranoid to leave for a weekend. I have such anxiety about being some distance away and something happening to him or him deciding to take advantage of an empty house. I know I am trying to maintain control of a situation that really isn't controllable, with the exception of my presence preventing a gathering at my house. Somehow I just feel better and less anxious at home but what I REALLY want is to be able to do things I want to do. MY bf lives an hour away and my time spent there has been less because of this anxiety. I have a opportunity to go to the ocean for this weekend and the FIRST thing I think about is anxiety leaving him, NOT how fun it would be.

I think I am like this for a variety of reasons. First is that he's never been great at keeping me updated on his whereabouts, especially now. Not that I am expecting to know his every move, but when it's 11pm and I haven't heard from him, a quick text would be nice. It takes 3 seconds. Additionally, I work around law enforcement and hear about the cases... coroner cases, accidents, etc and these things just stick with me. Also, I am a worrier.. it's just how I'm built. I ruminate about all the awful things that "could" happen. I know this isn't helpful but it's very hard to stop. I am seeing a therapist about it but it's still early on. One thing my therapist DID point out is that my anxiety is not my son's fault nor is it his responsibility to ease my anxiety. I get that. I feel trapped and I want to trust that he can live his life without mom always around and I want to be able to get on with my life as well. Him turning 18 isn't just a big deal for him but for me also.

Did you guys deal with this at all? Any words of advice? Alternative perspectives maybe?

[Anonymous]

Ask a neighbor for updates. Let your son know that this neighbor will be reporting to you about the coming and going overnight.

[Anonymous]

18? He is a legal adult now. An adult. Did I mention he's an adult? Go on your weekend trip. It will be good for both of you!

[Anonymous]

We have had the same concerns. We trust our kid/s but it is other people we're worried about.

Mostly we're worried about one of their friends coming over and a party starting. Our second concern is that the kid won't call us because he wouldn't want to disturb us but there was a situation developing (funny sounds outside the house, dishwasher not working and flooding, etc). Our third worry is that being alone for so long might make the kid lonely and bored.

Do you have any friends or family who could perhaps have your son over for dinner on Friday or Saturday night? Or maybe someone could meet him somewhere for breakfast just to do a quick check-in? Or do a quick drive-by?

Good luck. Know that you are not alone in your worries!

[Anonymous]

He's an adult. Presumably he will be moving away soon. You need to practice letting go. Set up expectations beforehand.

[Anonymous]

He might not be receptive to this but Apple has the Friend Finder App, which geolocates the person so long as the person has give permission prior. But c'mon...kid is an adult now and you can't worry like this forever.

[Anonymous]

Good grief.

[Anonymous]

I've been letting my 18 year old stay alone. He works and has plenty to occupy his time. But at first I had your same worries.

The party thing might prevent me from leaving my kid at home alone. But for us that isnt a concern. My oldest just is t into that sort of thing and he realizes that things can get out of control which scares him.

As far as contact, yes what you describe would bother me. We have set guidelines about contact, which he gets are about me - I worry about him. Over time I've gotten better so we typically just text at night and when we feel like it. At 18 I'd be reluctant to use friend finder. It's pretty embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

I think it is reasonable to tell him that you do not want him to have any guests (it is your house). Ask a neighbor to let you know if there seem to be people arriving. I would also judge if your kid would be comfortable. I don't think mine would so that might give me pause. I find it a bit creepy going to bed in an empty house.

[Anonymous]

He's an adult. I wouldn't be surprised if he moved out while you're gone just to get out from under your control.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't feel comfortable but if you must... Make sure he has enough diapers/wipes and bottles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't feel comfortable but if you must... Make sure he has enough diapers/wipes and bottles.

lol

and baby outfits, baby toys

no baths. he might drown.

[Anonymous]

TROLY POLY

[Anonymous]

I hope this is a joke.

If not, tell him no people in the house except himself, and that you've informed the neighbors that he'll be here by himself and that they have your phone number if there are any emergencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have had the same concerns. We trust our kid/s but it is other people we're worried about.

Mostly we're worried about one of their friends coming over and a party starting. Our second concern is that the kid won't call us because he wouldn't want to disturb us but there was a situation developing (funny sounds outside the house, dishwasher not working and flooding, etc). Our third worry is that being alone for so long might make the kid lonely and bored.

Do you have any friends or family who could perhaps have your son over for dinner on Friday or Saturday night? Or maybe someone could meet him somewhere for breakfast just to do a quick check-in? Or do a quick drive-by?

Good luck. Know that you are not alone in your worries!

Tell him you don't want any visitors in the house - NONE - while you are gone. Be firm about it and he will be way less likely to get into trouble.