Reply to Leaving 18 year old son alone overnight

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Every 18-year-old young adult should be able to prepare a basic dinner for themselves when they're on their own. Spaghetti noodles and sauce out of a can, rice and beans, a just-heat-in-pan ham steak, a can of soup, etc.

Saying "but my 18-year-old will starve if I'm not there!" is a sign Junior needs to learn some basic life skills. Plus, he'll be able to impress his future dates if he can make a simple, home-cooked meal![/quote]

Sheesh, you guys are harsh!

I'm one of the posters who thinks that OP is on target in her concerns.  We also are concerned if we have to leave one of our teens for a night/s while we are away.  [i]P[b]rimarily because we would not want other kids to show up and make the house party central[/b][/i].  Certainly any of our children knows how to make a sandwich or spaghetti or omelettes or grill a steak or order pizza or whatever.  And they could easily enough get themselves to one of the clubs and have dinner in any of the restaurants or go over to my sister's or to my folks' house for company.

The point I'm making is that it can be hard for people to be alone for an extended period of time (2-3 days) in their own house.  In our house we have me, my husband, 5 kids, Dad, a caretaker for Dad and three dogs.  I cannot tell you the last time I slept alone in our house.  I am not a Nervous Nelly by any means but to be alone in the house for 2-3 nights would make me antsy.  I [i]would[/i] want someone checking in with me at night and in the morning to make sure everything was okay [i]even though[/i] I would be out and about during the day going to work or volunteering or even just lazing around.[/quote]

Believe it or not, that's an issue to, if you've raised your kid that they will only do the right thing or make good choices because someone is there watching them.

Your second paragraph is your own anxiety, which isn't fair to transfer to your kids.

Look, it's normal to have a little bit of nerves and wonder " Did I teach him/her enough?" when your kid hits 17/18 and it's time for them to  leave the nest.  What isn't healthy is outright panic that your kid will be alone, that they can't figure out how to basic things( feed themselves, basic household chores, what do in an emergency), what isn't healthy is that they would panic at being  alone.[/quote]

I think you're missing the point and projecting.  Our kids are bright and capable, and certainly can handle little emergencies as well as feeding themselves as I've provided ample evidence of their alternatives.  They have had exposure to more situations than most kids and they certainly would not panic at being alone.

I'm saying that we cannot control [i]other kids[/i] who [i]could[/i] show up at our house and then put our kid in the position of needing to call the cops (which[i] any [/i]of our kids [i]would[/i] do).  Because we've seen it happen with other families, not our kids friends.  The most recent case was this spring when a family was out of town.  [b]We [i]don't[/i] want our kid in that position.[/b]

But you keep right on harping on your line while we carry on...  Toodaloo![/quote]  Why not?  How else will they learn how to handle a situation like this?   There is way too much coddling/protecting of kids these days, it does no good for them.  I also think it's very unlikely kids are going to show up unless your own kid invited them.[/quote]

Really?  You want your AA kids to be the kids to call the cops when a few white kids they know by association in the neighborhood and club show up with beer and joints and want to swim in the pool?  Because it did happen at a house in our neighborhood.  The other family was white but it sure did put their kid in a bind.  Luckily, their kid called our kid (they go to the same school in DC) and my husband went over to help take care of it.  These other kids go to a different school in the not-DC neighborhood, have been given a lot of privileges and are not very well supervised.  Like I said, we cannot control their behavior.  I trust our kids and their friends but these other losers are a different story.  So thanks for the "advice".[/quote]

Did these kids just show up at the house or were they invited there? You have bigger problems if  bands of rabid teens just start showing up at people's houses.
No one wants their kid in bad situations, but they happen avoiding things all together isn't the way to go.  
I don't want my son to get shot by cops, but I don't forbid him to drive a car or leave the house instead I prepare him the best I can for the situation.
Your son is going to college soon where he'll  be surrounded by privileged white frat boys and that culture, how are you preparing him to cope?
-Black mom with black sons. [/quote]  I'm the poster that the "Really?  You want your AA kids to be the kids...." poster quoted and was responding to.   I agree with everything the poster above me stated and I'm also a black mom with 2 black sons.  I've left my 17 year old home alone while my husband, myself, and  our younger son were out of town.    We live in DC too.  Yeah, something else is happening if you've got random suburban white kids showing up at your door uninvited.  I would definitely try to get a handle on that situation.  My kids have always been told to not open the door to strangers if they are home alone (they can look out the window) so assuming something out of the ordinary like this happened to my kid he just wouldn't open the door.  [/quote]

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