Should DD be upset most of her friends went to beachhouse weekend of her open house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A beach week is something that the attendees will probably remember the rest of their lives. A few hours at an open house, not so much. If I were in your daughter's shoes I would have made lemonade out of lemons by cancelling the open house and going to the beach. It would be better than both missing out on the trip and being resentful that her friends didn't do the same.

I'm OP and I agree. I think she should have gone with friends and then driven back for the grad party for a few hours, then back to the beach. I only learned of all the friends being at the beach during the party, "Oh, lot of my friends aren't coming, they decided to go to the beach." She has her own car and we would have let her drive back and forth.

You want her to spend an entire day of beach house weekend, commuting back and forth from the DC area? Isn't this her milestone celebrate as she chooses?

Grad party was 1pm-5pm Saturday. So she kills 1 of 4 days of beach weekend driving. I think that's far better than missing out on entire beach weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A beach week is something that the attendees will probably remember the rest of their lives. A few hours at an open house, not so much. If I were in your daughter's shoes I would have made lemonade out of lemons by cancelling the open house and going to the beach. It would be better than both missing out on the trip and being resentful that her friends didn't do the same.

I'm OP and I agree. I think she should have gone with friends and then driven back for the grad party for a few hours, then back to the beach. I only learned of all the friends being at the beach during the party, "Oh, lot of my friends aren't coming, they decided to go to the beach." She has her own car and we would have let her drive back and forth.

I was kind of torn until now. You made it an option for her to go with her friends, and come back to the party, and she's still being pissy? Then the fault is hers alone.

I felt that if your daughter wasn't invited, this was terrible.

And I felt that it would have been wrong to cancel the open house, assuming you have relatives and friends who were planning to come celebrate her.

But it sounds like YOU did everything possible for your kid to have it both ways, and now she's mad about her choices.

By the time she told me it was far too late for that to be an option. Had she told me in advance, yes, I would have told her to take her car and drive there and back for grad party.

[Anonymous]

Now the competition for who plans the best beach house graduation getaway will begin...

We rented a nice ocean side beach house for my daughter's HS graduation. She invited 4 of her closest friends to stay at the house with her for what should have been a very fun 3 day weekend.

Her so called friends have now cancelled out on her and accepted another kid's invitation to stay for an entire week at a posh ocean front rental. They have invited her to come along but we have already shelled out good money for this house!

My daughter is absolutely devastated that she will be spending beach weekend all alone.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now the competition for who plans the best beach house graduation getaway will begin...

We rented a nice ocean side beach house for my daughter's HS graduation. She invited 4 of her closest friends to stay at the house with her for what should have been a very fun 3 day weekend.

Her so called friends have now cancelled out on her and accepted another kid's invitation to stay for an entire week at a posh ocean front rental. They have invited her to come along but we have already shelled out good money for this house!

My daughter is absolutely devastated that she will be spending beach weekend all alone.....

Ouch!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A beach week is something that the attendees will probably remember the rest of their lives. A few hours at an open house, not so much. If I were in your daughter's shoes I would have made lemonade out of lemons by cancelling the open house and going to the beach. It would be better than both missing out on the trip and being resentful that her friends didn't do the same.

I'm OP and I agree. I think she should have gone with friends and then driven back for the grad party for a few hours, then back to the beach. I only learned of all the friends being at the beach during the party, "Oh, lot of my friends aren't coming, they decided to go to the beach." She has her own car and we would have let her drive back and forth.

I was kind of torn until now. You made it an option for her to go with her friends, and come back to the party, and she's still being pissy? Then the fault is hers alone.

I felt that if your daughter wasn't invited, this was terrible.

And I felt that it would have been wrong to cancel the open house, assuming you have relatives and friends who were planning to come celebrate her.

But it sounds like YOU did everything possible for your kid to have it both ways, and now she's mad about her choices.

By the time she told me it was far too late for that to be an option. Had she told me in advance, yes, I would have told her to take her car and drive there and back for grad party.

Why didn't she ask you or tell you about it? If she had, this could have been an option. I'd be encouraging her not to be sad about her friends making a pretty logical choice and instead working through how she could have worked with you to come up with this much better solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A beach week is something that the attendees will probably remember the rest of their lives. A few hours at an open house, not so much. If I were in your daughter's shoes I would have made lemonade out of lemons by cancelling the open house and going to the beach. It would be better than both missing out on the trip and being resentful that her friends didn't do the same.

I'm OP and I agree. I think she should have gone with friends and then driven back for the grad party for a few hours, then back to the beach. I only learned of all the friends being at the beach during the party, "Oh, lot of my friends aren't coming, they decided to go to the beach." She has her own car and we would have let her drive back and forth.

You want her to spend an entire day of beach house weekend, commuting back and forth from the DC area? Isn't this her milestone celebrate as she chooses?

Grad party was 1pm-5pm Saturday. So she kills 1 of 4 days of beach weekend driving. I think that's far better than missing out on entire beach weekend.

She has to leave the beach house at 10, drive for three hours to the party, attend the party from 1-5pm, then drive 3 hours back through beach traffic, arriving there around 8pm assuming no traffic jams. That doesn't sound like something I would want to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now the competition for who plans the best beach house graduation getaway will begin...

We rented a nice ocean side beach house for my daughter's HS graduation. She invited 4 of her closest friends to stay at the house with her for what should have been a very fun 3 day weekend.

Her so called friends have now cancelled out on her and accepted another kid's invitation to stay for an entire week at a posh ocean front rental. They have invited her to come along but we have already shelled out good money for this house!

My daughter is absolutely devastated that she will be spending beach weekend all alone.....

Ouch!

Lol. That really isn't happening, just painting a picture as to how far this nonsense can go. There will ALWAYS be a better offer. Always. That is why it's nice for the KIDS to plan this stuff out together before hand simply because they day does not belong to any one of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Okay, well now the second poster has weighed in that friends blew off a planned beach weekend for a "better" beach trip. Who are these kids that thoughtlessly cancel and leave other kids and families high and dry? I could understand the graduation party vs. beach house, but the second one is truly rude.

[Anonymous]

^Typos. Sorry. The day does not belong to any one specific kid. It isn't a bday party. It's a graduation.

If they can put their heads together and figure out what they would all like to do that makes things easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now the competition for who plans the best beach house graduation getaway will begin...

We rented a nice ocean side beach house for my daughter's HS graduation. She invited 4 of her closest friends to stay at the house with her for what should have been a very fun 3 day weekend.

Her so called friends have now cancelled out on her and accepted another kid's invitation to stay for an entire week at a posh ocean front rental. They have invited her to come along but we have already shelled out good money for this house!

My daughter is absolutely devastated that she will be spending beach weekend all alone.....

Ouch!

Lol. That really isn't happening, just painting a picture as to how far this nonsense can go. There will ALWAYS be a better offer. Always. That is why it's nice for the KIDS to plan this stuff out together before hand simply because they day does not belong to any one of the kids.

Um, okay. Way to muddy the discussion with some random hypothetical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay, well now the second poster has weighed in that friends blew off a planned beach weekend for a "better" beach trip. Who are these kids that thoughtlessly cancel and leave other kids and families high and dry? I could understand the graduation party vs. beach house, but the second one is truly rude.

It was only an example as to how crazy these better offers could get.

A catered graduation party could absolutely cost more (maybe a lot more) than a weekend spent at one of the kids' parents' beach houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A beach week is something that the attendees will probably remember the rest of their lives. A few hours at an open house, not so much. If I were in your daughter's shoes I would have made lemonade out of lemons by cancelling the open house and going to the beach. It would be better than both missing out on the trip and being resentful that her friends didn't do the same.

I'm OP and I agree. I think she should have gone with friends and then driven back for the grad party for a few hours, then back to the beach. I only learned of all the friends being at the beach during the party, "Oh, lot of my friends aren't coming, they decided to go to the beach." She has her own car and we would have let her drive back and forth.

I was kind of torn until now. You made it an option for her to go with her friends, and come back to the party, and she's still being pissy? Then the fault is hers alone.

I felt that if your daughter wasn't invited, this was terrible.

And I felt that it would have been wrong to cancel the open house, assuming you have relatives and friends who were planning to come celebrate her.

But it sounds like YOU did everything possible for your kid to have it both ways, and now she's mad about her choices.

By the time she told me it was far too late for that to be an option. Had she told me in advance, yes, I would have told her to take her car and drive there and back for grad party.

This all seems like a good "teaching moment" to me.

Sometimes unexpected things happen that are not in line with our expectations. That's life. She'll experience it over and over again.

In this case, she scheduled a graduation party and expected her friends would come. Then an unexpected invite to a beach house came up for all of them, your DD included.

Of course, she was upset at first. Her graduation is a big deal to her, and she hoped/expected her friends would be there to celebrate. It's disappointing. Upsetting. Frustrating. etc. If I were you, I'd totally validate those feelings!

And . . .

The real question is what should she do when something like this happens again. Sounds like her approach this time didn't work out so well.

It sounds like she got so stuck in her feelings of disappointment and hurt that she completely missed out on (1) a possible solution that was right in front of her (do both the beach house and the party) and (2) a possible resource to help her figure it out (you -- had she told you in time that she was invited, too, you could have helped her do both).

Once she cools off, help her replay things -- her feelings when this all went down and her behavior in response to her feelings.

To me, it sounds like her feelings of disappointment were really powerful, and her response was to turn inward (sulk) and lash out at her friends (passive aggressive posts on instagram). Help her notice that, and without judgment help her figure out what happened as a result. Did her behavior make the situation better? (No) Did her behavior help her feel better? (Sounds like another no.)

Then help her "replay" the situation and together brainstorm other ways she might have handled it instead -- ways that might have made things better or helped her feel better about an understandably disappointing situation.

To be blunt, $hit happens. Of course, we're going to be upset. The trick is to figure out what do when we feel that way. Teenagers are pretty bad at that. But be sure to let her know that adults are, too.

To me, this is pretty universal "human" stuff. So there's nothing "wrong" with her -- it's challenging for all of us to navigate situations when we feel crappy about them. So no judgment. Live and learn.

[Anonymous]

So sorry for your daughter, OP. I do think graduation parties are usually right after graduation itself and usually for family because people leave town a lot in the summer. We have a lot of parties, and invite three times as many people for summer parties to get the same attendance as our spring/fall/winter ones. People make a lot of weekend plans away. You can't take it personally because a trip will always trump a local party for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Ha Ha this is DCUM at its finest. At the beginning of this thread everyone's bashing OP for getting involved in her kid's social life and telling her to butt out. By then end of the same thread, they are bashing OP because OP didn't learn about this until day of party when her DD told her (in other words, because OP wasn't involved in DD's social life). Classic

[Anonymous]

OP, maybe you could talk to your dd and find out - maybe she's more upset that she missed "the best time of my life" weekend and is upset about that, but lashing out at her friends thinking it's maybe because they didn't come to her party. Sometimes the real reason you're upset isn't so clear and she may be having regrets about not going on the beach trip.