Should DD be upset most of her friends went to beachhouse weekend of her open house?

[Anonymous]

I understand her being upset but it is better to learn early on that people generally tend to choose more fun over less fun.
Sorry about what happened. It should have been the day of the graduation, as someone upthread said.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should consider yourself lucky. While that group of girls is getting drunk every night and consorting with boys that they don't know yours is at home planning a party.

[Anonymous]

Am I understanding this right?

* Your family wanted to celebrate the achievement (?) of your daughter getting to the end of high school, so they decide to have a gathering at your house with the whole family
* You call it an "open house"
* Her friends were invited to stop by sometime during the open house
* This open house is for your daughter, it's about her, it's not a "graduation party" for the whole class or even a group of her friends
* Her friends' families may or may not decide to have an "open house" for their extended families for their own children, that their kids' friends are also invited to stop by
* the kids usually move between these open houses on the same day
* nobody wanted to go to your daughter's open house because they are off celebrating their own graduations in way that they think is fun, and they think that a summer beach vacation is more fun than a tea party making small talk with your extended family to celebrate your daughter's achievement when they actually all just "achieved" (?) the exact same thing.

What am I missing or misunderstanding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I understanding this right?

* Your family wanted to celebrate the achievement (?) of your daughter getting to the end of high school, so they decide to have a gathering at your house with the whole family
* You call it an "open house"
* Her friends were invited to stop by sometime during the open house
* This open house is for your daughter, it's about her, it's not a "graduation party" for the whole class or even a group of her friends
* Her friends' families may or may not decide to have an "open house" for their extended families for their own children, that their kids' friends are also invited to stop by
* the kids usually move between these open houses on the same day
* nobody wanted to go to your daughter's open house because they are off celebrating their own graduations in way that they think is fun, and they think that a summer beach vacation is more fun than a tea party making small talk with your extended family to celebrate your daughter's achievement when they actually all just "achieved" (?) the exact same thing.

What am I missing or misunderstanding?

Not Op, but I think that about sums it up perfectly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You've got to help her understand that it was a timing issue and nothing more, particularly since she was invited to the beach house as well. I feel for your daughter but agree with the above poster who said the harsh (but true) words "Its not all about you" Horrible lesson, but life. Poor kid.

Yes, please help your kid process this in a healthy way. Good for you for having her take down the tweets. But it sounds like she needs a little help emotionally to walk through this, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I understanding this right?

* Your family wanted to celebrate the achievement (?) of your daughter getting to the end of high school, so they decide to have a gathering at your house with the whole family
* You call it an "open house"
* Her friends were invited to stop by sometime during the open house
* This open house is for your daughter, it's about her, it's not a "graduation party" for the whole class or even a group of her friends
* Her friends' families may or may not decide to have an "open house" for their extended families for their own children, that their kids' friends are also invited to stop by
* the kids usually move between these open houses on the same day
* nobody wanted to go to your daughter's open house because they are off celebrating their own graduations in way that they think is fun, and they think that a summer beach vacation is more fun than a tea party making small talk with your extended family to celebrate your daughter's achievement when they actually all just "achieved" (?) the exact same thing.

What am I missing or misunderstanding?

Not Op, but I think that about sums it up perfectly.

Then OP should stop calling it a grad party (although I see that at least in one case she called it "HER grad party"). OP, it's not a grad party. It's a party for your family. Call it a family celebration.

And your daughter's friends have their own lives and their own families. And their own family celebrations.

I honestly can't understand how this is something that someone would post about. Are people so entitled these days that they expect literally every single thing to be about them?

[Anonymous]

PP here. Forgot to add that I personally wouldn't consider an RSVP necessary or meaningful for an "open house". By definition, it means people can come and go as they want and they're not obligated to attend. Doesn't it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Forgot to add that I personally wouldn't consider an RSVP necessary or meaningful for an "open house". By definition, it means people can come and go as they want and they're not obligated to attend. Doesn't it?

It is always nice to RSVP so the host can get a rough idea how much food to purchase.

[Anonymous]

Can't she just take the car and head out to the beach after your family party? Who cares if she pisses off Aunt Tilly and Uncle Billy?

[Anonymous]

WOWZA!!!!! No wonder there are so many incompetent millennials entering the work force and life, in general!!!

(1) OP's daughter should have been able to COMMUNICATE to her parents about the conflict and worked out a way to ATTEND the party in her honor and maybe be able to participate in part of the beach plans, too.

(2) The "friends" whose parents "let" them do this are sending the entirely wrong message about friendship, "committing" to something etc.

(3) OP's daughter and friends should be able to communicate outside of social media. OP can help daughter express her "hurt" in a mature manner.

(4) FOMO is HUGE and kids need to be BROKEN of this habit EARLY and OFTEN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here. Forgot to add that I personally wouldn't consider an RSVP necessary or meaningful for an "open house". By definition, it means people can come and go as they want and they're not obligated to attend. Doesn't it?

It is always nice to RSVP so the host can get a rough idea how much food to purchase.

I'd generally agree with you, except that I didn't see where the OP said that they had RSVPed at all, just that "yes, they knew about it". It's not the same thing.

Also, if you want people to take it as a serious commitment then don't call it an "open house". Call it a tea party that is all about one girl and how she managed to get through high school and so all her extended family will be there on that day to congratulate her. Let them decide whether that's something that they want to attend. Ask for an RSVP in advance. Say that it's catered (especially if it's not the done thing) and tell them that you received their RSVP and you're looking forward to them joining you on that day from start time to end time. Don't say it's an open house and imply they can stop in if or when they want and then get frustrated when they decide otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^Actually looks like they have Fri-Mon. So Op's daughter would drive and get to the beach house on Friday. She would leave Saturday morning to drive home for the party and she would get back around 8:00 on Sat night. She would then have a full day Sunday and she would return home on Monday.

That would be more doable because of the full day on Sunday. But Saturday would be one slog of a day.

Yeah, but I would have done it when I was that age. Or at least stayed home until after the grad party, then joined the beach party Saturday night (that's what I would do now, as an adult).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your teen DD owns a home? I think the general advice is to go away the weekend of your open house. Or is this college orientation? Why are you involved in this anyway? Sure, I'd be sad I was missing out if I was your DD but that's life.

12th grade graduation. The group of friends is really clean cut, too. Good clean fun.

What does this have to do with anything?

that's the first type of girls ready to get stretched out on the first night of beach week

[Anonymous]

https://www.thespruce.com/how-to-host-an-open-house-party-1216519

I found an article about "Open House" parties. My in-laws like to have these, and I've always disliked them. In this family, an "Open House" means that no one will have a full meal. It's never been catered. An Open House implies that people can come and go, but I always thought that was true for every party except for sit-down dinner parties. Open Houses usually do not have RSVP's. The other thing that I dislike about Open Houses is that I may not get to spend much time with the other guests. They may be leaving when I am coming if the party is for a huge window of time. A true Open House makes most sense the day of graduation or the immediate Saturday afterwards, when people have multiple parties to go to and make a brief visit at each one. I agree that graduation parties are primarily for families and close friends who know only one graduate.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why she didn't drive to the beach after the party