Trying to prevent having an affair with my co-worker

[Anonymous]

Let's just do the math of what you have to lose:

Husband and kids/ family
Job
Self respect

He?

...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who fantasizes about 60+ year old men?

Oh, you can be so wrong. My DH is 63 and while there is snow on the roof there is a still raging fire in the furnace. Attitudes like the above are why so many people complain about their miserable sex lives once they get past 40. There is no doubt that many men 60+ are dead in bed for many reasons.

Yes, but how old are you?

52

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married over 10 years. Early 40s, young kids, great husband. I've never been unfaithful to him but have had a couple crushes on other men throughout the years. Life is a grind and hard in the sense that it has gotten a little boring and predictable.

The latest crush is for a man who is 20 years older, a mentor to me, with whom I've Worked closely for a long time. The crush has been going strong for 1.5 years, though in the past few months it has died down some. He's married in a open relationship (totally in love with his wife, but they've both had long love affairs with others and don't believe in monogamy). The crush and I have talked about our attraction to one another. I've explained that my marriage is pure and that I can't compromise that. He has talked at length about his relationship history and relationships both within and outside his marriage. He's never had an affair with a colleague before or someone with such a big age spread.

We've got two work trips coming up, so there is an opportunity to get physical. I don't want to mess up my family, my integrity, my karma, my career. But I want to be close to this man so badly and think and fantasize about him constantly.

What should I do? How do I resist? Tell me how little I mean to him and how much I mean to my husband and kids.

'

It would help if you didn't take your clothes off in his presence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married over 10 years. Early 40s, young kids, great husband. I've never been unfaithful to him but have had a couple crushes on other men throughout the years. Life is a grind and hard in the sense that it has gotten a little boring and predictable.

The latest crush is for a man who is 20 years older, a mentor to me, with whom I've Worked closely for a long time. The crush has been going strong for 1.5 years, though in the past few months it has died down some. He's married in a open relationship (totally in love with his wife, but they've both had long love affairs with others and don't believe in monogamy). The crush and I have talked about our attraction to one another. I've explained that my marriage is pure and that I can't compromise that. He has talked at length about his relationship history and relationships both within and outside his marriage. He's never had an affair with a colleague before or someone with such a big age spread.

We've got two work trips coming up, so there is an opportunity to get physical. I don't want to mess up my family, my integrity, my karma, my career. But I want to be close to this man so badly and think and fantasize about him constantly.

What should I do? How do I resist? Tell me how little I mean to him and how much I mean to my husband and kids.

I am sorry you feel like your relationship has hit a boring patch, life happens and sometimes that can happen too, but it doesn't have to stay that way, and certainly thinking about others isn't going to help you keep your marriage as pure as you may like. Take it from someone who has been a cheater in the past, it starts in the brain and goes from there. Stop dwelling on this other man and put that effort back into your marriage. If they are as great as you say, then they should be worth fighting for. I lost everything doing what I felt I wanted and it didn't end well for anyone. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who fantasizes about 60+ year old men?

Plenty more than people who fantasize about 60+ year old women which you will all be one day.

What is your point?

My point is that many more women fantasize about 60+ year old men then men fantasize about 60+ year old women and that all of you complaining women will one day be 60+. Of course, Christie Brinkley is still pretty hot!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married over 10 years. Early 40s, young kids, great husband. I've never been unfaithful to him but have had a couple crushes on other men throughout the years. Life is a grind and hard in the sense that it has gotten a little boring and predictable.

The latest crush is for a man who is 20 years older, a mentor to me, with whom I've Worked closely for a long time. The crush has been going strong for 1.5 years, though in the past few months it has died down some. He's married in a open relationship (totally in love with his wife, but they've both had long love affairs with others and don't believe in monogamy). The crush and I have talked about our attraction to one another. I've explained that my marriage is pure and that I can't compromise that. He has talked at length about his relationship history and relationships both within and outside his marriage. He's never had an affair with a colleague before or someone with such a big age spread.

We've got two work trips coming up, so there is an opportunity to get physical. I don't want to mess up my family, my integrity, my karma, my career. But I want to be close to this man so badly and think and fantasize about him constantly.

What should I do? How do I resist? Tell me how little I mean to him and how much I mean to my husband and kids.

I am sorry you feel like your relationship has hit a boring patch, life happens and sometimes that can happen too, but it doesn't have to stay that way, and certainly thinking about others isn't going to help you keep your marriage as pure as you may like. Take it from someone who has been a cheater in the past, it starts in the brain and goes from there. Stop dwelling on this other man and put that effort back into your marriage. If they are as great as you say, then they should be worth fighting for. I lost everything doing what I felt I wanted and it didn't end well for anyone. Good luck to you.

Your honesty is refreshing. Hopefully you will have a second chance with a new relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who fantasizes about 60+ year old men?

Oh, you can be so wrong. My DH is 63 and while there is snow on the roof there is a still raging fire in the furnace. Attitudes like the above are why so many people complain about their miserable sex lives once they get past 40. There is no doubt that many men 60+ are dead in bed for many reasons.

Yes, but how old are you?

52

52 and 60 seems a better match than 40 and 60. I'm 46 and the oldest guy I think is hot is 50. And yes, I am in shape, still attractive (at least to some), etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who fantasizes about 60+ year old men?

Plenty more than people who fantasize about 60+ year old women which you will all be one day.

What is your point?

My point is that many more women fantasize about 60+ year old men then men fantasize about 60+ year old women and that all of you complaining women will one day be 60+. Of course, Christie Brinkley is still pretty hot!

I think men consider fu$&ing each woman they come across. If I had to guess, I'd say middle aged women would be more likely to fantasize about hot 35-50 year olds than 60+ year olds.

[Anonymous]

I think there is a good possibility you two may soulmates, more so than each of you with your present partners. It would be a shame to go through life wondering, "What if . . ..?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: while there is snow on the roof there is a still raging fire in the furnace

Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:while there is snow on the roof there is a still raging fire in the furnace

Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: while there is snow on the roof there is a still raging fire in the furnace

Yuck.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:while there is snow on the roof there is a still raging fire in the furnace

Yuck.

+1

[Anonymous]

As others have said, this guy has nothing to lose and you have everything to lose. Despite your raging attraction, he's actually human just like anyone else. He has bad breath when he wakes up, he farts in his sleep and he has all manner of unattractive personal habits and proclivities that you have yet to discover. I don't think being bored with your marriage is a good reason to jump into fantasyland with this guy, whom you'll soon enough discover is nowhere near the person you've fantasized him to be. Focus on your husband, and as others said, don't shave your legs on this work trip. You'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your husband about it. Get everything out in the open, and see how you feel.