Trying to prevent having an affair with my co-worker
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Anonymous
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I've been married over 10 years. Early 40s, young kids, great husband. I've never been unfaithful to him but have had a couple crushes on other men throughout the years. Life is a grind and hard in the sense that it has gotten a little boring and predictable.
The latest crush is for a man who is 20 years older, a mentor to me, with whom I've Worked closely for a long time. The crush has been going strong for 1.5 years, though in the past few months it has died down some. He's married in a open relationship (totally in love with his wife, but they've both had long love affairs with others and don't believe in monogamy). The crush and I have talked about our attraction to one another. I've explained that my marriage is pure and that I can't compromise that. He has talked at length about his relationship history and relationships both within and outside his marriage. He's never had an affair with a colleague before or someone with such a big age spread. We've got two work trips coming up, so there is an opportunity to get physical. I don't want to mess up my family, my integrity, my karma, my career. But I want to be close to this man so badly and think and fantasize about him constantly. What should I do? How do I resist? Tell me how little I mean to him and how much I mean to my husband and kids. |
Anonymous
| Jesus. Stop talking to him about anything non-work related. Your marriage is pure? You are a weirdo. |
Anonymous
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What's wrong with you? You're an adult. You have full control of your ability to act on emotions.
By your admission, you have a great husband and kids. If they're that great, then honor them by being equally great. Don't be some second rate mom/spouse who'd blow up their lives for a fling. |
Anonymous
| Think about the consequences of your marriage falling apart. The real consequence- financial, the effect on your children, the shame in explaining what happened to friends and family, how hurt your spouse would be. Whatever the worst thing you can imagine is- think about that any time you are tempted to do anything stupid. |
Anonymous
| put a tape on it. big and wide tape until you come back. |
Anonymous
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You shouldn't even be having these sorts of conversations with him. That's past the "silly little crush" phase.
Think about how much you have to lose here. Your spouse, your family, your job. Because if this goes south, you know this guy will still be at the company, you're the one who'll have to leave. He'll still be married, your husband will divorce you. Your kids will know the truth, they will hate you for wrecking their family life. It's not worth it. Don't do it. |
Anonymous
| Go ahead and hop in bed with him. What's the worst that could happen? Well I guess you could totally screw up your family and your career and catch an STD. The other alternative is to find a way to make your marriage less boring and predictable. Why don't you do with your husband what you fantasize doing with your co-worker? It might add some spice to your sex life. |
Anonymous
| Don't drink. Don't shave your legs. |
Anonymous
| Just don't do it. It would be a disaster. It would harm your marriage and family, and create an awkward situation at work. Seriously, take care of yourself and just keep it professional with this guy. |
Anonymous
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. . .unless. . .
you feel you can discuss this with your DH beforehand. If not, it's not worth the risk. If you could, and he'd okay it, then. . .maybe. If he would be devastated, then ask yourself what's the worst case scenario. Is being with this attraction worth that? If not, don't do it. |
Anonymous
This. Do not drink anything at all. Do not shave anything at all. Carry a family photo with you everywhere. |
Anonymous
| I'm impressed that you're physically attracted to an AARP member. You'll have plenty of time to sleep with a guy with loose skin and old berries. No reason to rush to it. |
Anonymous
Seriously, how attractive can a guy that old even be? |
Anonymous
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Don't let him put his hot dog in your donut.
Problem solved! |
Anonymous
| Just remind yourself you're better than this. Come on. |