Trying to prevent having an affair with my co-worker

[Anonymous]

Ugh, this is so gross.

Has his wife told you that have an open relationship? Then, shocker, they don't. He's playing you and you've failed for it hook line and sinker.

Don't be dumb.

[Anonymous]

It's normal to have crushes. I find that I have had more of them since I became middle aged. It's not about DH, who is wonderful. I think it is more about wanting to enjoy being attractive while I can. However, I have never acted on any of them and never would. I think that I have a responsibility to care for myself and my family - and to me, that means remaining faithful to DH. He's not a perfect guy, but he loves me and tries to make me happy. I try to appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for people like op! I can't imagine coming on to a forum to ask how not to have an affair. It just reeks of low self esteem and low self worth.

[Anonymous]

This place has gotten really trashy

[Anonymous]

Forget your marriage. This guy is a mentor to you, and you want to have an affair with him? That's the quickest way to trash your career and reputation. If you start an affair, it is delusional to think that people won't notice. All of the things you have accomplished on your own will then be seen as a product of your having had sex with him for it. Even if that's not true, that's how people will see it.

Also, for god's sake, don't make life harder for the rest of us who don't feel like having to sexually service our mentors. You're like the Penthouse letter that makes every guy believe that some ridiculous scenario (doing the emergency room nurse when you come in with a gash) is actually real life. When women like you become emotionally involved with the boss or mentor, you just make men believe that they can expect it for all of us.

BTW, I had a huge crush on a male subordinate of mine. I believe it was reciprocated, but never made a move and shut down all of his efforts politely, because I respected himself and myself too much. And, because, as a human, I have thing called self-control.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think this man is manipulating you. I know the personality type--open marriage, likes the attention and admiration of younger women, likes to win them away from their husbands and kids, just for the ego boost.

If he really was your mentor and had your best interests at heart, he'd have seen long ago that he should nip your crush in the bud, because you have a husband and kids you value and love.

Get a grip. If you don't stop this now, and let it keep going, you'll destroy your marriage and hurt your husband and kids. You have everything to lose. For what? This old man isn't leaving his wife and he's not losing anything.

If you want to make it tougher to follow through on your fantasies about him, tell your husband this man is hitting on you and it's making you uneasy and confused, because you look up to him as a mentor. Your husband will be alert to things being weird, and you'll have this in mind when you go on travel.

[Anonymous]

Just keep your legs closed. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think this man is manipulating you. I know the personality type--open marriage, likes the attention and admiration of younger women, likes to win them away from their husbands and kids, just for the ego boost.

If he really was your mentor and had your best interests at heart, he'd have seen long ago that he should nip your crush in the bud, because you have a husband and kids you value and love.

Get a grip. If you don't stop this now, and let it keep going, you'll destroy your marriage and hurt your husband and kids. You have everything to lose. For what? This old man isn't leaving his wife and he's not losing anything.

If you want to make it tougher to follow through on your fantasies about him, tell your husband this man is hitting on you and it's making you uneasy and confused, because you look up to him as a mentor. Your husband will be alert to things being weird, and you'll have this in mind when you go on travel.

Yes! This man is using you for the rush of intrigue and flirtation and potential sex. Don't let yourself be used.

[Anonymous]

Your poor husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm impressed that you're physically attracted to an AARP member. You'll have plenty of time to sleep with a guy with loose skin and old berries. No reason to rush to it.

Yes! Wise words, heed them!

[Anonymous]

you say your DH is great and your marriage is pure. I call troll or BS. No woman would ever engage with another man, opening up about deep things in her personal life and marriage if the marriage was that "pure".

If you're not a troll, then you are the problem and get some f***ing help and stop this BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: The crush has been going strong for 1.5 years,
But I want to be close to this man so badly and think and fantasize about him constantly.

This is beyond "a crush" - it is an obsession. Definitely unhealthy.

You knew you had to get away from this guy, and get another job if necessary, oh probably 17 months ago, but you didn't do it because you enjoyed all the attention and validation. That is shameful enough. But if you haven't crossed the line yet, it is not too late to do this (i.e., get another job away from him).

If you don't do this, don't pretend the affair "just happened" because that will be total bullshit.

[Anonymous]

You knew you had to get away from this guy, and get another job if necessary, oh probably 17 months ago, but you didn't do it because you enjoyed all the attention and validation. That is shameful enough. But if you haven't crossed the line yet, it is not too late to do this (i.e., get another job away from him).

That's terrible advice, if she otherwise enjoys her job, you can't just pick up at 40+ easily and start over. Just stay away from this guy. Be professional and courteous, but that's it. Focus on your work and be an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You knew you had to get away from this guy, and get another job if necessary, oh probably 17 months ago, but you didn't do it because you enjoyed all the attention and validation. That is shameful enough. But if you haven't crossed the line yet, it is not too late to do this (i.e., get another job away from him).

That's terrible advice, if she otherwise enjoys her job, you can't just pick up at 40+ easily and start over. Just stay away from this guy. Be professional and courteous, but that's it. Focus on your work and be an adult.

That's terrible advice. If she were able to be professional and courteous and stay away from this guy and focus on her work, she would have done that already. Instead she's been obsessing about him for 18 months AND she has been talking to him about having an affair. If she remains in his presence every day, the obsession will continue and it will definitely transition into physicality if it hasn't already. She needs to get another job. Or she can blow up her marriage and get both of them fired, whatever.

[Anonymous]

You knew you had to get away from this guy, and get another job if necessary, oh probably 17 months ago, but you didn't do it because you enjoyed all the attention and validation. That is shameful enough. But if you haven't crossed the line yet, it is not too late to do this (i.e., get another job away from him).



That's terrible advice, if she otherwise enjoys her job, you can't just pick up at 40+ easily and start over. Just stay away from this guy. Be professional and courteous, but that's it. Focus on your work and be an adult.

That's terrible advice. If she were able to be professional and courteous and stay away from this guy and focus on her work, she would have done that already. Instead she's been obsessing about him for 18 months AND she has been talking to him about having an affair. If she remains in his presence every day, the obsession will continue and it will definitely transition into physicality if it hasn't already. She needs to get another job. Or she can blow up her marriage and get both of them fired, whatever.

So in addition to being a big baby about her crush on this guy, you also think she should blow up her career? I think she should pull it together and grow up.