DD bullied for wearing off-brand clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids have always worn name brand clothing because that's all I buy. They've never been bullied, because no one knows that I shop at thrift stores. They have a nice car, a nice home, nice clothes.....all for a fraction of the price, because I'm a treasure hunter. One of my daughter's friends made a jealous comment one day about how she lives in a really nice home, and he lives in a trailer. He didn't know that we paid $27k for our home, and I remodeled it myself. His trailer was probably more expensive.

Wait, what? Where in the DC area did you buy a 27k home (and where is the trailer park?)

You don't now. My parents paid $50K for their house in Chevy Chase but that was before I was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her the clothes!!! Please.... do not tell her to suck it up. Get her the clothes. I went through this as a kid and it is not something that I easily recovered from. Please get her the clothes.

What is up with all of you people? This is an opportunity for your kids to develop some grit instead of being a dumb sheep follower. I am saying this as someone who had one pair of shoes growing up and I had to wear them till the bottom started tearing off. I was always embarrassed by my clothes and dreamed about all the fashionable items other girls had. Yet this helped me develop resilience and ability to stand up for myself. I think other kids admired my attitude and I had plenty of friends. These skills serve me well to this day in personal and professional life.

Middle school is hard. There are plenty of opportunities to develop resilience.

No one here is suggesting that the OP buy her a whole new designer wardrobe, but if buying a few items will make her path easier, I would totally do it.

+1. It's not all or nothing here. I see no harm in helping my daughter buy a few name brand things for herself. I respect that some parents have a problem with this. You do you. Having raised three kids my perspective is to make tween/teen years less hard when possible, and within reason.

[Anonymous]

As someone who was bullied because my parents couldn't afford the name brand clothes and shoes, I vote that since you can afford it, do it!

It's fine and great to tell your kid to ignore them and focus on her inner-self and happiness, but it can be miserable as hell to spend 7 hours a day pretending to ignore people making fun of you.

Learning to hold in and swallow my tears is one skill I'm so thankful that my kids have never had to learn.

Don't go crazy, but buying 2-3 pairs of name brand pants and shirts along with one pair of shoes isn't too extreme, IMO, since you say you can afford it.

Also, the bullying regarding clothes does ease up in HS. Or at least that was my experience when it became cooler to "be an individual." But for now, let her look like every other tween/teen girl wearing skinny jeans and those damn Adidas Superstars shoes that every girl waiting on the bus is wearing every morning when I leave the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make good money, yet I don't like to spend much on clothes. My DD has never once brought up the issue over the clothes I'm getting her until she came home and told me some of the girls were bullying her. Do I spend more money buying her clothes that will
Make her popular or do I tell her to suck it up and ignore these bullies?

I bought the clothes. Some came from Goodwill and some were new on late summer sales. (Abercrombie has a big sale at the end of the summer.) I make sure that the clothes my kids have are at least one step above the rest of their peers.

Dumb, I know, but so much easier than dealing with bullying.

[Anonymous]

I just can't believe all of you thinking buying brand name clothes will prevent bullying and it's just for middle school. No it will not get better in high school. It is about sneakers now, but in high school you will need to buy your kids latest smartphone model, a nice car etc... Then you'll wonder why your college educated child with a job can't seem to save any money. It's because they will have to have the Kate Spade bag and Jimmy Choo shoes to fit in. It never ends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just can't believe all of you thinking buying brand name clothes will prevent bullying and it's just for middle school. No it will not get better in high school. It is about sneakers now, but in high school you will need to buy your kids latest smartphone model, a nice car etc... Then you'll wonder why your college educated child with a job can't seem to save any money. It's because they will have to have the Kate Spade bag and Jimmy Choo shoes to fit in. It never ends.

That is a huge leap from buying a few nice brands that aren't crazy expensive to a Kate Spade bag or Jimmy Choo shoes. My parents bought us a mix of clothing and funny thing the first thing I did with my first job was to open a Roth IRA. Nothing wrong with one nice pair of sneakers. I usually buy the cheap ones on clearance but at this point I'm not sure if they are even worth it as my child doesn't flip shoes sizes often and they wear out (and he's not hard on shoes) much more quickly. It does end as you teach your child balance. Mine knows to shop clearance and knows that's when we go on buying sprees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make good money, yet I don't like to spend much on clothes. My DD has never once brought up the issue over the clothes I'm getting her until she came home and told me some of the girls were bullying her. Do I spend more money buying her clothes that will
Make her popular or do I tell her to suck it up and ignore these bullies?

I bought the clothes. Some came from Goodwill and some were new on late summer sales. (Abercrombie has a big sale at the end of the summer.) I make sure that the clothes my kids have are at least one step above the rest of their peers.

Dumb, I know, but so much easier than dealing with bullying.

Most things from Goodwill look Goodwill. We have friends who do that to their teens and they look terrible. The kids love visiting us during the summer as its the only time they get new, nicely fitting clothing.

[Anonymous]

Is it bullied or teased?

I think the term "bully" is way over used these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 10 year old girl in an upper NW public elementary and there is ZERO focus on name brands in her school. She's one of the "it" girls and she wears Old Navy, Gap, and Target. (how she ended up as super charismatic/popular/cool is fascinating to me..as a former childhood geek.. but that is another post).

Um, she's 10. Middle school is a whole new ball of wax.

Exactly what I was thinking. Just wait, PP, just wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 10 year old girl in an upper NW public elementary and there is ZERO focus on name brands in her school. She's one of the "it" girls and she wears Old Navy, Gap, and Target. (how she ended up as super charismatic/popular/cool is fascinating to me..as a former childhood geek.. but that is another post).

Um, she's 10. Middle school is a whole new ball of wax.

Exactly what I was thinking. Just wait, PP, just wait.

Yup. Things change. Your popular kid can be an outcast overnight. It happens, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make good money, yet I don't like to spend much on clothes. My DD has never once brought up the issue over the clothes I'm getting her until she came home and told me some of the girls were bullying her. Do I spend more money buying her clothes that will
Make her popular or do I tell her to suck it up and ignore these bullies?

I bought the clothes. Some came from Goodwill and some were new on late summer sales. (Abercrombie has a big sale at the end of the summer.) I make sure that the clothes my kids have are at least one step above the rest of their peers.

Dumb, I know, but so much easier than dealing with bullying.

Most things from Goodwill look Goodwill. We have friends who do that to their teens and they look terrible. The kids love visiting us during the summer as its the only time they get new, nicely fitting clothing.

Not if you are particular about what you buy. Don't buy stuff that looks bad, smells or doesn't fit. Unless that is the look you are going for, then totally do that.

[Anonymous]

My parents were cheap and neither of them cared much about clothes themselves. They had money but didnt consider clothes or fashion important.

They wouldnt buy me the nice clothes I wanted in highschool. I found a way to get what I wanted anyway and that wasn't a good thing.

I offer this as a cautionary tale...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I make good money, yet I don't like to spend much on clothes. My DD has never once brought up the issue over the clothes I'm getting her until she came home and told me some of the girls were bullying her. Do I spend more money buying her clothes that will
Make her popular or do I tell her to suck it up and ignore these bullies?

I bought the clothes. Some came from Goodwill and some were new on late summer sales. (Abercrombie has a big sale at the end of the summer.) I make sure that the clothes my kids have are at least one step above the rest of their peers.

Dumb, I know, but so much easier than dealing with bullying.

Most things from Goodwill look Goodwill. We have friends who do that to their teens and they look terrible. The kids love visiting us during the summer as its the only time they get new, nicely fitting clothing.

Not if you are particular about what you buy. Don't buy stuff that looks bad, smells or doesn't fit. Unless that is the look you are going for, then totally do that.

Agreed. If you aren't finding the good stuff in near new or new condition, just hit the thrift stores right outside the wealthy neighborhoods. Probably Christmas or birthday gifts that weren't wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents were cheap and neither of them cared much about clothes themselves. They had money but didnt consider clothes or fashion important.

They wouldnt buy me the nice clothes I wanted in highschool. I found a way to get what I wanted anyway and that wasn't a good thing.

I offer this as a cautionary tale...

Hello, fellow former shoplifter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a good time to help DD figure out her personal style and how to mix name brand clothing with off-brand. You can help her decide what name brand items she may want and what items can be purchased from Target, Old Navy, etc. No one will know where a plain white tank top came from, but other items are more identifiable. And work with her to find good prices on the items she wants. If she wants an expensive item that you aren't willing to pay for, maybe she can kick in some of her own money toward the purchase.

Agreed.

And work with your daughter on the financial trade offs between different brands. You can have two pairs of shorts from Old Navy, or one pair Nike/UA/Abercrombie/whatever brand floats her boat for the same price. How often do you (DD) want to do laundry? How often do you want to wear the same item? Kids also get teased for wearing the same thing over and over. The higher priced brand might last longer (although no guarantees, and not as relevant when they outgrow clothes before they wear them out). This is the beginning of learning to budget.

And I would also have a conversation about if X item is lost or ruined, it won't get replaced with same. If kids want the more expensive items, they need to learn to take care of them.