DD bullied for wearing off-brand clothes.

[Anonymous]

I make good money, yet I don't like to spend much on clothes. My DD has never once brought up the issue over the clothes I'm getting her until she came home and told me some of the girls were bullying her. Do I spend more money buying her clothes that will
Make her popular or do I tell her to suck it up and ignore these bullies?

[Anonymous]

There is a middle ground- buy her some name brand things within your budget and to the degree you think appropriate.
I'm not a fan of spending $100 on lululemon leggings, but I supplement DD's babysitting earnings to help her get a pair or two. These things make a difference between struggling socially and doing well for some kids.

[Anonymous]

What exactly did the bullying consist of, and how old is she?

I understand your thought, OP, but there will always be people who will belittle her choices thoughtlessly and perhaps without even meaning to. So... no need to to break the bank, but certainly a need to teach your DD how to respond gracefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What exactly did the bullying consist of, and how old is she?

I understand your thought, OP, but there will always be people who will belittle her choices thoughtlessly and perhaps without even meaning to. So... no need to to break the bank, but certainly a need to teach your DD how to respond gracefully.

OP here. According to her it's mainly teasing that's been going on for the past couple of weeks. She is 11 years old.

[Anonymous]

Kids pick on other kids for reasons like this. If you can avoid making her a target without going over the top, why not buy her a few name brand items? It's hard enough been a teen without being teased.

[Anonymous]

What are the 'in' brands and styles in middle school these days? My child's still in early elementary and doesn't care about brands, but I feel that day is coming, and sooner that we thought it would.

[Anonymous]

There is a lot to dissect here. Does your dd want to wear name-brand clothes, or is she just upset she is being teased? If your dd wants some new clothes and likes those brands and you can afford them, then no problem in those regards. What is hard, though, is that you don't want to teach her that if someone else sees something wrong or different about you, that you should change it. Girls will always find something to tease - if your dd gets new clothes, then next the girls will tease her about her backpack, or haircut, or whatever. It is a very very hard lesson for a 13 year old girl (same still goes for me as a 40-something year old woman), but your dd needs to focus on being happy with herself and not get bogged down by the psychology of group-judgment.

[Anonymous]

Just tell her to say, "my mom is a cheap a$$ and it sucks."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are the 'in' brands and styles in middle school these days? My child's still in early elementary and doesn't care about brands, but I feel that day is coming, and sooner that we thought it would.

The in brands and styles might well change by the time your child hits middle school so I wouldn't get too hung up on finding this info until you get to that stage.

[Anonymous]

Mom of older kids here. IMO kids eventually start thinking that certain name brands are cool, but some kids catch on earlier- often kids with older siblings. My youngest cared about name brands and recognized them far earlier than my oldest, who was oblivious until high school and then picked up on name brands from teammates.

[Anonymous]

From what I have observed, teen/tween brands now are:
Adidas
Puma
Top shop
Brandy Melville
Forever 21
Madewell
Lululemon

Some kids like:
Vineyard Vines
Lacoste
Uggs
Hunter
H&M

[Anonymous]

My kids do not care or want name brand clothes. They have some that were gifted to them but it is not on their radar at all. Are they just lucky that they are not being bullied? They go to very diverse schools - racially and SES and we have all kinds of diversity there. 12 yr old DS, 15 yr old DS and 17 yr old DD.

[Anonymous]

My DD is also 11. I don't think she's having this problem, or at least hasn't mentioned it.

This is pretty arbitrary, but I think for me it would depend on how mainstream the brand was. I remember as a kid being embarassed that I never had Levi's -- just the Sears brand jeans. But I can't see getting my kid the really expensive designer stuff like Lululemon ... or that mom a few months ago that was asking about some super expensive winter coat for her teen. I guess that's arbitrary, but I think that's my thinking on how far I'd cave.

[Anonymous]

We ran into this exact same issue around 6-7th grade with dc being bullied for non brand clothes and shoes. I hate the idea of paying for stupid brand name labels.

One day I had decided that my kids self esteem and happiness was more important. I went to Tysons Mall and bought label shirts and pants for him. He was so happy. Then we spent $110 on a pair of label sneakers that he wanted. That was the most I had ever paid for any shoes.

I have to say it changed his life - at least at school. The bullying stopped and he made more friends. He was a much happier kid and he had better self esteem If I had to do it again, I would have done it sooner. Junior high is brutal and the effects of bullying can last a lifetime. It was worth every penny to me, even though I think the high priced labels are a rip off. It was money well spent in this case just to relieve the bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot to dissect here. Does your dd want to wear name-brand clothes, or is she just upset she is being teased? If your dd wants some new clothes and likes those brands and you can afford them, then no problem in those regards. What is hard, though, is that you don't want to teach her that if someone else sees something wrong or different about you, that you should change it. Girls will always find something to tease - if your dd gets new clothes, then next the girls will tease her about her backpack, or haircut, or whatever. It is a very very hard lesson for a 13 year old girl (same still goes for me as a 40-something year old woman), but your dd needs to focus on being happy with herself and not get bogged down by the psychology of group-judgment.

That is easy for you to say. Just get her some better clothes.