DD bullied for wearing off-brand clothes.

[Anonymous]

Two things: 1) My DD tends to buy the bulk of her clothes from local consignment and thrift shops, and has been noted for her "flair" at school. She was noted as most stylish in her HS yearbook. 2) When she talks about the "rich kids" at school, I note that their parents are rich, not them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't disagree, but the crux of the issue is WHY she wants them. It's not because she's ever noticed them or likes them or has asked for them in the past and not been given them, shes 11. Other girls suddenly made her feel not good enough and buying them at this moment would be subtlety agreeing. The mom asks, if I buy them "will I make her more popular?" NO. NO NO NO NO. I believe you must be firm on that point.

Why not let the kid figure this out rather than have the mom say no no no? And maybe the name brand clothes DO change things. There's a lesson there as well- do you want friends who like your stuff not you? Again, as I parent I prefer to let me kid come to these conclusions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School uniforms would solve this problem across the board.

I'm poor and don't believe in school uniforms. They are a bandaid that don't address the real problem, which is kids thinking they are better people if they are richer or have more resourceful parents or have certain clothes. I'd rather schools put effort into changing THAT mindset.

This mindset comes from the family, not from the school.

And most families that send kids to The uniform schools do have the values that frown on materialism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two things: 1) My DD tends to buy the bulk of her clothes from local consignment and thrift shops, and has been noted for her "flair" at school. She was noted as most stylish in her HS yearbook. 2) When she talks about the "rich kids" at school, I note that their parents are rich, not them.

Are you sure that isn't code for something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Tell her she is beautiful and her clothes fit and look nice and you will not tolerate hearing about teasing because of clothes ever. If you just give in and buy it, you're part of the problem.

The absolute stupidity of this statement is mind blowing. You should NEVER tell your kid that you "won't tolerate hearing about teasing" no matter how much you personally dislike the topic or the reason for the teasing. First, its incredibly cruel to your kid to tell them you aren't willing to listen to them the they are hurt or sad, and Second, shutting down your kid on one issue is bound to bleed into other areas in an adolescent mind. You should never ell your kid you are unwilling to listen to whatever they want to share with you. You are a complete, irresponsible idiot, PP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make good money, yet I don't like to spend much on clothes. My DD has never once brought up the issue over the clothes I'm getting her until she came home and told me some of the girls were bullying her. Do I spend more money buying her clothes that will
Make her popular or do I tell her to suck it up and ignore these bullies?

Ask her what she wants. One pair of expensive sneakers for my son's birthday in middle school seemed to change my son's entire life in some Twilight Zone way I'll never understand. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

She is telling you she wants name-brand clothes. The reason she gave you is social acceptance, but it doesn't matter- she wants name brand clothes. If you indulge other "wants", indulge this too. I am completely stingy (but well-off) and buy virtually everything from thrift stores, or online at thredup or eBay. My kid wears mostly name brand and sometimes quite high end clothing and I spend less than I would at target.

[Anonymous]

Parents should think in terms of how much would I pay for a therapist when DD has self esteem problems, depression, PTSD, etc. If you would paid at least a few hundred dollars to a therapist, invest the money NOW in some better clothes for DD to buy her some social acceptance and reduce bullying. It will be money well spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at the responses on here basically telling Op to help her DD cave to peer pressure. What happens when your kid is made fun of for not doing shots at the party, or not trying the bong hit?
I would speak tot he school about the bullying. The school needs to tell the kids to stop it.
I would give my DD a budget for clothes and let her decide what to get with it.
I would also take my kid to some volunteer opportunities so she can see what it's like to worry about having clothes or food at all, never mind name brands.

My DD does these things all the time (volunteering). She still wants some name brand clothes. Just a few, not a lot.
It's not wrong to have some things that you would like.

The issue is the daughter expresses wanting them BECAUSE she is bullied or because she wants to fit in. I think its the 100% total wrong response to then immediately go out and buy it. IT justifies the bullies. It tells your daughter there was something wrong with how she dresses and they were right. If it causes her to fit in, it then allows her to be complacent when the bullies find a new target and perhaps even encourage her to join in. What about the next kid that truly can't afford it?

I'm not against giving my kid brands she wants for birthdays and Christmas. Maybe even a choice item or two when we go school clothes shopping. But she gets 90% sensible basics from me and she knows it. In May, at the end of the school year, just because girls have turned catty because the weathers suddenly warmer she needs something obviously branded? hell no. When she makes her own money, she can buy what she wants.

Even the fact that you've considered it is probably sending her the message that the bullies have a point. You need to be fierce. Talk to her about class and money and why she wants what she wants. Tell her she is beautiful and her clothes fit and look nice and you will not tolerate hearing about teasing because of clothes ever. If you just give in and buy it, you're part of the problem.

Go buy her a nice maxi skirt that looks awesome or new sandals or something those dumb kids have never even thought of if you really want to boost her confidence. something she likes because it looks good. Take her to a thrift store and let her try on tons of stuff. Invite a nice girls from school to go walk in the woods and climb to the top of the mountain and post it on facebook.

Redirect, ignore, do more awesome stuff that has nothing to do with money.

Worst advice ever. You must not have any kids - or maybe you are elderly and from another century.

[Anonymous]

This has made me sad. I despise bullying. Children can be so very cruel.

[Anonymous]

This is why my kids are in private. Uniforms remove all this fashion show bullshit.