DD bullied for wearing off-brand clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your DD tell the main who is doing the bullying "I can't wear that brand - it's a fat girl brand. But it's a great look on you!" Said with a huge grin and sweet as pie voice. That will shut her up quick.....

Not cool.

Maybe not, but it is a heck of a lot better advice than all these people telling her to go ahead and buy her Lululemon clothes. I refuse to buy my daughter that and Ivviva unless it is seriously marked down. I quite frankly think that all those moms who spend that kind of money on 11-year-old girls are idiots. Why on earth do you people spend $45 on a tiny pair of running shorts when you can buy them for $12 at Old Navy (especially when they won't even fit 6 months from now)?

[Anonymous]

Sorry your daughter is dealing with this!

When I was a teen we didn't have a ton of money for clothes, but my parents always made sure I had a few items that were popular. I think shoes are a good choice, since you can wear the same pair for months until they wear out, and they are very visible. If she pairs the cool shoes with Old Navy leggings no one will know anyway.

Take her shopping and buy a few key items (I wouldn't spring for $100 leggings, but that is just me).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get her the clothes!!! Please.... do not tell her to suck it up. Get her the clothes. I went through this as a kid and it is not something that I easily recovered from. Please get her the clothes.

What is up with all of you people? This is an opportunity for your kids to develop some grit instead of being a dumb sheep follower. I am saying this as someone who had one pair of shoes growing up and I had to wear them till the bottom started tearing off. I was always embarrassed by my clothes and dreamed about all the fashionable items other girls had. Yet this helped me develop resilience and ability to stand up for myself. I think other kids admired my attitude and I had plenty of friends. These skills serve me well to this day in personal and professional life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her the clothes!!! Please.... do not tell her to suck it up. Get her the clothes. I went through this as a kid and it is not something that I easily recovered from. Please get her the clothes.

What is up with all of you people? This is an opportunity for your kids to develop some grit instead of being a dumb sheep follower. I am saying this as someone who had one pair of shoes growing up and I had to wear them till the bottom started tearing off. I was always embarrassed by my clothes and dreamed about all the fashionable items other girls had. Yet this helped me develop resilience and ability to stand up for myself. I think other kids admired my attitude and I had plenty of friends. These skills serve me well to this day in personal and professional life.

Middle school is hard. There are plenty of opportunities to develop resilience.

No one here is suggesting that the OP buy her a whole new designer wardrobe, but if buying a few items will make her path easier, I would totally do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get her the clothes!!! Please.... do not tell her to suck it up. Get her the clothes. I went through this as a kid and it is not something that I easily recovered from. Please get her the clothes.

What is up with all of you people? This is an opportunity for your kids to develop some grit instead of being a dumb sheep follower. I am saying this as someone who had one pair of shoes growing up and I had to wear them till the bottom started tearing off. I was always embarrassed by my clothes and dreamed about all the fashionable items other girls had. Yet this helped me develop resilience and ability to stand up for myself. I think other kids admired my attitude and I had plenty of friends. These skills serve me well to this day in personal and professional life.

Well good for you. You are unusual. Some kids can handle it and some kids can't. Some kids get psychologically scarred for life from this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We ran into this exact same issue around 6-7th grade with dc being bullied for non brand clothes and shoes. I hate the idea of paying for stupid brand name labels.

One day I had decided that my kids self esteem and happiness was more important. I went to Tysons Mall and bought label shirts and pants for him. He was so happy. Then we spent $110 on a pair of label sneakers that he wanted. That was the most I had ever paid for any shoes.

I have to say it changed his life - at least at school. The bullying stopped and he made more friends. He was a much happier kid and he had better self esteem If I had to do it again, I would have done it sooner. Junior high is brutal and the effects of bullying can last a lifetime. It was worth every penny to me, even though I think the high priced labels are a rip off. It was money well spent in this case just to relieve the bullying.

I haven't read all the response, but I once heard a mom on the radio describe the name brands an important piece of "armor" for kids in MS. Sadly, fitting in is sooo important to kids this age and that need is rooted in normal child-development. This helped me see the brand obsessions as more than a materialistic grab. I don't suggest you should spend more than you can afford or fully embrace the idea that "image matters" but recognize that this is about fitting in with your peers and being one of "the herd."

[Anonymous]

It's all about peers at this age OP. Just buy the clothes. All the lessons you want to teach can wait until after the suck fest of middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing you can do is go to a second hand store.

Single mom here. I buy tons of UA for my DS from the consignment shop I sell his clothes at. He wears hat and some Adidas from TJ Maxx and Kohls and sometimes Nike.

[Anonymous]

Love the idea of consignment stores. Do PPs here have any favorites?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love the idea of consignment stores. Do PPs here have any favorites?

Goodwill. Just bought my hipster son a bunch of really nice stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's all about peers at this age OP. Just buy the clothes. All the lessons you want to teach can wait until after the suck fest of middle school.

Very true.

I was a brand obsessed jr high, higher school and college student and now will wear something from Kmart without thinking twice as long as it looks good on me and I like the item.

[Anonymous]

I never had name brand anything when I was a kid, because my parents saw it as a waste of money. It was hard, I don't think it was character building. In fact, I think it taught me the opposite - that what I wore didn't matter, and I turned into quite the slob for a while. It wasn't until a friend in college took me aside and suggested I act like I care about what I looked like for job interviews that I actually learned how to dress. Obviously not every child is going to take the "fine, I don't care about any of it" route that I took, when it comes to being bullied about clothes and styles, but do consider it.

Find some decent thrift stores, shop sales, get your daughter a few pieces. What matters most to her? The "in" shoes were critical for my child, so I spent $60 on a pair of shoes even though she could have gotten a perfectly good pair for $30. My son needed some UA stuff to feel like he fit in, and in addition to getting a piece or two when we do seasonal shopping, he's also asked for UA stuff for his birthday and Christmas. The way I look at it, this is teaching them to be aware of styles, how they should dress (which, as a former slob, I can tell you is pretty important to getting on in the workplace), and how to create a wardrobe over a period of time without breaking the bank. My kids have gotten pretty good at picking and choosing their name-brand choices based on things they think will last, wear well, pair with a lot of other options, and won't just be a flash in the pan.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a good time to help DD figure out her personal style and how to mix name brand clothing with off-brand. You can help her decide what name brand items she may want and what items can be purchased from Target, Old Navy, etc. No one will know where a plain white tank top came from, but other items are more identifiable. And work with her to find good prices on the items she wants. If she wants an expensive item that you aren't willing to pay for, maybe she can kick in some of her own money toward the purchase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have always worn name brand clothing because that's all I buy. They've never been bullied, because no one knows that I shop at thrift stores. They have a nice car, a nice home, nice clothes.....all for a fraction of the price, because I'm a treasure hunter. One of my daughter's friends made a jealous comment one day about how she lives in a really nice home, and he lives in a trailer. He didn't know that we paid $27k for our home, and I remodeled it myself. His trailer was probably more expensive.

Wait, what? Where in the DC area did you buy a 27k home (and where is the trailer park?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Love the idea of consignment stores. Do PPs here have any favorites?

I can get new stuff cheaper than consignment sales. You have to buy off season and in advanced and watch all the clearance sales and wait till those go 50-75% off of that. I buy for 2-3-4 years in advanced. I have a boy so styles don't change as much. I can resell it at consignment sales and get close to or more than I paid for it. If I need to fill in, usually its TJ Max or Marshalls.

So, to the poster saying $12 is a great buy for Old Navy clothing. No, its not. That's an good price for UA not on sale, but not Old Navy. I don't generally care about quality but UA holds up better than many other brands. $2-4 new for Old Navy is a good price. When kids get to that age, they care. My son on and off cares but he has a mix of UA, Gap, Kmart, Target and other stuff so he doesn't care. He has a North Face coat but I don't allow it to go to school and he uses a cheap Kmart one for school. The North Face Coat was $20 (in hindsight I should have got more than two for that price but oh well, next sale).