DD bullied for wearing off-brand clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Shopping at stores for poor will do that too you

Not paying attention in English class will do that ^^ to your writing skills.

Wow, way to be extremely rude.

Wait, referring to "stores for poor" is not rude, but pointing out improper grammar/English is? Got it.

You need to relax and stop getting yourself upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot to dissect here. Does your dd want to wear name-brand clothes, or is she just upset she is being teased? If your dd wants some new clothes and likes those brands and you can afford them, then no problem in those regards. What is hard, though, is that you don't want to teach her that if someone else sees something wrong or different about you, that you should change it. Girls will always find something to tease - if your dd gets new clothes, then next the girls will tease her about her backpack, or haircut, or whatever. It is a very very hard lesson for a 13 year old girl (same still goes for me as a 40-something year old woman), but your dd needs to focus on being happy with herself and not get bogged down by the psychology of group-judgment.

That is easy for you to say. Just get her some better clothes.

Brand clothes don't mean better clothes.

Bullies will always find something. My friends who were always wearing brand clothes at school couldn't afford a good university and live now in bad neighborhoods. So glad my parents did the right choice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at the responses on here basically telling Op to help her DD cave to peer pressure. What happens when your kid is made fun of for not doing shots at the party, or not trying the bong hit?
I would speak tot he school about the bullying. The school needs to tell the kids to stop it.
I would give my DD a budget for clothes and let her decide what to get with it.
I would also take my kid to some volunteer opportunities so she can see what it's like to worry about having clothes or food at all, never mind name brands.

You must not have any kids. Your advice sucks. I guess you think that the school is going to tell kids to stop bullying, problem solved! Why didn't we think of this years ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot to dissect here. Does your dd want to wear name-brand clothes, or is she just upset she is being teased? If your dd wants some new clothes and likes those brands and you can afford them, then no problem in those regards. What is hard, though, is that you don't want to teach her that if someone else sees something wrong or different about you, that you should change it. Girls will always find something to tease - if your dd gets new clothes, then next the girls will tease her about her backpack, or haircut, or whatever. It is a very very hard lesson for a 13 year old girl (same still goes for me as a 40-something year old woman), but your dd needs to focus on being happy with herself and not get bogged down by the psychology of group-judgment.

That is easy for you to say. Just get her some better clothes.

Brand clothes don't mean better clothes.

Bullies will always find something. My friends who were always wearing brand clothes at school couldn't afford a good university and live now in bad neighborhoods. So glad my parents did the right choice!

Glad it isnt a choice for us, money isnt an issue (and lets be honest here, I seriously doubt anyone can't afford college or a nice house in a nice neighborhood because they spent all their money on nice clothes - but thanks for the laugh PP, just the implication of this is absolutely hilarious!!!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is also 11. I don't think she's having this problem, or at least hasn't mentioned it.

This is pretty arbitrary, but I think for me it would depend on how mainstream the brand was. I remember as a kid being embarassed that I never had Levi's -- just the Sears brand jeans. But I can't see getting my kid the really expensive designer stuff like Lululemon ... or that mom a few months ago that was asking about some super expensive winter coat for her teen. I guess that's arbitrary, but I think that's my thinking on how far I'd cave.

This is my approach. I'm not going to buy crazy expensive stuff for a kid, but I'm also not going to be so cheap that she can't have basic branded items (so long as I can afford them). I hated having to wear Payless-brand Keds when I was younger, or JC Penney jeans. But I never expected that my parents would buy me the more expensive stuff. I just wanted "normal" clothes.

I'd ask my kid what the other kids are wearing. I'd ask her whether she likes the clothes they are wearing, how she feels about being teased (maybe it doesn't bother her all that much), and what she thinks the best way to handle it is. Branded clothes won't make her popular, they will just make her fit in in that one respect.

[Anonymous]

OP, is it the brand of clothes or the type of clothes that are the issue? I thought of this post when I dropped my middle schooler off this morning. He's in 6th in APS, and could care less about the clothes he wears. Even so, I have bought some UA shirts and sports shirts to wear. I was looking at the girls when I dropped him and they were almost all wearing leggings and sneakers (Adidas or Converse). Is it that she is not wearing that outfit, or that she is not wearing the right brand of leggings? Just curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot to dissect here. Does your dd want to wear name-brand clothes, or is she just upset she is being teased? If your dd wants some new clothes and likes those brands and you can afford them, then no problem in those regards. What is hard, though, is that you don't want to teach her that if someone else sees something wrong or different about you, that you should change it. Girls will always find something to tease - if your dd gets new clothes, then next the girls will tease her about her backpack, or haircut, or whatever. It is a very very hard lesson for a 13 year old girl (same still goes for me as a 40-something year old woman), but your dd needs to focus on being happy with herself and not get bogged down by the psychology of group-judgment.

That is easy for you to say. Just get her some better clothes.

Brand clothes don't mean better clothes.

Bullies will always find something. My friends who were always wearing brand clothes at school couldn't afford a good university and live now in bad neighborhoods. So glad my parents did the right choice!

Glad it isnt a choice for us, money isnt an issue (and lets be honest here, I seriously doubt anyone can't afford college or a nice house in a nice neighborhood because they spent all their money on nice clothes - but thanks for the laugh PP, just the implication of this is absolutely hilarious!!!)

She really isn't far off. I am one of those parents who could afford $45 Ivviva shorts but prefer to teach my daughter that that is an absolutely ridiculous waste of money. There are families at her school, on FA and one in particular who I know has talked about the ability to keep paying, etc., but let me tell you, their queen bee daughter is dressed to the nines. They are not teaching this girl anything about what really matters.

[Anonymous]

So what are the cool brands? I'm dying to know!

My children are too young for this, but I can see myself buying whatever they want, within reason. There is nothing more mortifying than having to wear non-trendy clothes bc your parents insist clothes don't "matter".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot to dissect here. Does your dd want to wear name-brand clothes, or is she just upset she is being teased? If your dd wants some new clothes and likes those brands and you can afford them, then no problem in those regards. What is hard, though, is that you don't want to teach her that if someone else sees something wrong or different about you, that you should change it. Girls will always find something to tease - if your dd gets new clothes, then next the girls will tease her about her backpack, or haircut, or whatever. It is a very very hard lesson for a 13 year old girl (same still goes for me as a 40-something year old woman), but your dd needs to focus on being happy with herself and not get bogged down by the psychology of group-judgment.

That is easy for you to say. Just get her some better clothes.

Brand clothes don't mean better clothes.

Bullies will always find something. My friends who were always wearing brand clothes at school couldn't afford a good university and live now in bad neighborhoods. So glad my parents did the right choice!

Glad it isnt a choice for us, money isnt an issue (and lets be honest here, I seriously doubt anyone can't afford college or a nice house in a nice neighborhood because they spent all their money on nice clothes - but thanks for the laugh PP, just the implication of this is absolutely hilarious!!!)

I mean: we have other priorities than buying superfluous. We know where we should invest our money. Did you get it now? I pointed to the moon and you only could see my finger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot to dissect here. Does your dd want to wear name-brand clothes, or is she just upset she is being teased? If your dd wants some new clothes and likes those brands and you can afford them, then no problem in those regards. What is hard, though, is that you don't want to teach her that if someone else sees something wrong or different about you, that you should change it. Girls will always find something to tease - if your dd gets new clothes, then next the girls will tease her about her backpack, or haircut, or whatever. It is a very very hard lesson for a 13 year old girl (same still goes for me as a 40-something year old woman), but your dd needs to focus on being happy with herself and not get bogged down by the psychology of group-judgment.

That is easy for you to say. Just get her some better clothes.

Brand clothes don't mean better clothes.

Bullies will always find something. My friends who were always wearing brand clothes at school couldn't afford a good university and live now in bad neighborhoods. So glad my parents did the right choice!

I can't imagine clothes can be so expensive to stop someone going to a college.

Also, what does a good college mean? The public colleges in either MD or VA are good enough for me, and they are cheap comparing to all privates, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm really surprised at the responses on here basically telling Op to help her DD cave to peer pressure. What happens when your kid is made fun of for not doing shots at the party, or not trying the bong hit?
I would speak tot he school about the bullying. The school needs to tell the kids to stop it.
I would give my DD a budget for clothes and let her decide what to get with it.
I would also take my kid to some volunteer opportunities so she can see what it's like to worry about having clothes or food at all, never mind name brands.

You must not have any kids. Your advice sucks. I guess you think that the school is going to tell kids to stop bullying, problem solved! Why didn't we think of this years ago?

My school actively intervenes in bullying.

I must be doing something right because my 13 YO DD doesn't care what she wears, has friends, and gets straight As. She insists on wearing "old lady" bathing suits and rolls her eyes at my taking her to a dermatologist for her acne. "It's normal for teens to have acne". Her teacher thanked me for raising such a polite, respectful child - "a rarity nowadays".

But sure, ignore my advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School uniforms would solve this problem across the board.

Not necessarily. Then they just focus on shoes, bags, jewelry.

Most schools with uniforms limit this stuff, too.

Exactly. My daughter is at Holton and she doesn't even care about name brands. We aren't poor but we are on a lot of FA and not one of rich families. I credit uniforms for her complete lack of caring of name brands. Throw in the all-girls and no need to impress boys, which really increases the girl bullying anyway - and we are gold. In upper school the girls have free dress Friday and you would think they would come in all done up in name brands and hip clothes. Nope, they come in Holton sweatpants and a t-shirt/sweatshirt. In the Spring/summer it is sport shorts, tees and sneakers or flip flops.

Holton lower school - no jewelry, no make-up, shoes must be tan or navy. Most wear navy mary-janes, navy Toms or tan boat shoes.
Holton middle - earrings only, any type of shoes. Most wear athletic sneakers, Converse, Uggs or basic flip flops depending on time of year. Free shirt on Fridays (they all wear t-shirts)
Holton upper - free dress Fridays (they all look like they rolled out of bed)

Also, they have a used uniform sale and I picked up jumpers for $6 and skirts for $5. SO much cheaper and buying one pair of $40 toms for half the year is easy for almost anyone.


Uniforms 100% can solve a problem like this.

Oh dear, PP, you are seriously crazy if you believe Holton is free of the have-to-have-certain-brands phenomenon. Its is one of the worst of the schools in this regard. Uniforms help while you are in school (although not ever with shoes, not even in lower school) but if your daughter socializes at all outside of school, she will feel the pressure. Doesn't she go shopping with her friends on weeknds? or play on sports teams? or go to parties? mixers? bar mitvahs, etc??? It matters what she wears to all of these places. And just because you cant tell what the brand is or decipher the look, doesnt mean its not perfectly clear to all the girls.

I have kids in several of the DC-area elite privates and you are really, really wrong (and I'd love to know what grade your daughter is in). Anythign byeon the basic uniforms matters at some point and to more and more girls as they age. For instance, don't be fooled by the just-rolled-out-of-bed highschool look. There is an unacknowledged "cool factor" to this look and its totally "stylized." There are undercurrents to every selection and every look as to what is okay and what is not. Also, what you have written above that I bolded, makes me think you are pretty clueless about girls and women in general. Girls don't wear specific clothes brands, or even styles, to impress boys. Most boys don't notice or care. Girls dress to impress other girls. It has always and forever been that way. And it is most prevalent at all-girls schools. Holton, NCS and Visi are probably the schools where it is most intense. It is less of a big deal at Maret, Sidwell, GDS and Potomac.

NP here. I think the Hilton mom is being truthful, but I also think there is some pressure for brand name clothes outside of school. That being said, the occasions that would present this issue are really limited...like just the weekends at most. My son goes to a private all boys school, and I observe the girls who come to see the games. They are very casual...not dolled up at all. Sweatshirts, etc. Other occasions like mixers, shopping, dates...yes. They will want the latest trends. BUT I also observe that the girls (at least the ones from the Catholic schools) dress pretty conservatively compared to the public school scene. I see this especially when I pursue my son's Instagram feed. He's got a mix of friends from both public and private, and the girls from the private Catholic schools have a more wholesome look about them. None of those provocative poses either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School uniforms would solve this problem across the board.

Not necessarily. Then they just focus on shoes, bags, jewelry.

Most schools with uniforms limit this stuff, too.

Exactly. My daughter is at Holton and she doesn't even care about name brands. We aren't poor but we are on a lot of FA and not one of rich families. I credit uniforms for her complete lack of caring of name brands. Throw in the all-girls and no need to impress boys, which really increases the girl bullying anyway - and we are gold. In upper school the girls have free dress Friday and you would think they would come in all done up in name brands and hip clothes. Nope, they come in Holton sweatpants and a t-shirt/sweatshirt. In the Spring/summer it is sport shorts, tees and sneakers or flip flops.

Holton lower school - no jewelry, no make-up, shoes must be tan or navy. Most wear navy mary-janes, navy Toms or tan boat shoes.
Holton middle - earrings only, any type of shoes. Most wear athletic sneakers, Converse, Uggs or basic flip flops depending on time of year. Free shirt on Fridays (they all wear t-shirts)
Holton upper - free dress Fridays (they all look like they rolled out of bed)

Also, they have a used uniform sale and I picked up jumpers for $6 and skirts for $5. SO much cheaper and buying one pair of $40 toms for half the year is easy for almost anyone.


Uniforms 100% can solve a problem like this.

Oh dear, PP, you are seriously crazy if you believe Holton is free of the have-to-have-certain-brands phenomenon. Its is one of the worst of the schools in this regard. Uniforms help while you are in school (although not ever with shoes, not even in lower school) but if your daughter socializes at all outside of school, she will feel the pressure. Doesn't she go shopping with her friends on weeknds? or play on sports teams? or go to parties? mixers? bar mitvahs, etc??? It matters what she wears to all of these places. And just because you cant tell what the brand is or decipher the look, doesnt mean its not perfectly clear to all the girls.

I have kids in several of the DC-area elite privates and you are really, really wrong (and I'd love to know what grade your daughter is in). Anythign byeon the basic uniforms matters at some point and to more and more girls as they age. For instance, don't be fooled by the just-rolled-out-of-bed highschool look. There is an unacknowledged "cool factor" to this look and its totally "stylized." There are undercurrents to every selection and every look as to what is okay and what is not. Also, what you have written above that I bolded, makes me think you are pretty clueless about girls and women in general. Girls don't wear specific clothes brands, or even styles, to impress boys. Most boys don't notice or care. Girls dress to impress other girls. It has always and forever been that way. And it is most prevalent at all-girls schools. Holton, NCS and Visi are probably the schools where it is most intense. It is less of a big deal at Maret, Sidwell, GDS and Potomac.

NP here. I think the Hilton mom is being truthful, but I also think there is some pressure for brand name clothes outside of school. That being said, the occasions that would present this issue are really limited...like just the weekends at most. My son goes to a private all boys school, and I observe the girls who come to see the games. They are very casual...not dolled up at all. Sweatshirts, etc. Other occasions like mixers, shopping, dates...yes. They will want the latest trends. BUT I also observe that the girls (at least the ones from the Catholic schools) dress pretty conservatively compared to the public school scene. I see this especially when I pursue my son's Instagram feed. He's got a mix of friends from both public and private, and the girls from the private Catholic schools have a more wholesome look about them. None of those provocative poses either.

Maybe it depends on the school, but my niece went to O'Connell and she and her friends certainly dressed in skimpy clothes and did the "provocative" poses. It might just be your son's peer group as well.

[Anonymous]

LOL about the Catholic school girls and "wholesomeness". - 13 years of Catholic school including all girls HS.

[Anonymous]

Please learn the difference between kids being mean and being bullies