What obligation do I have to cook for and tolerate my vegan MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha! I'd give it right back to the crazy bitch.

I'd explain to her that tofu is GMO, and that's that's probably upping her cancer risk.

I'd tell her that they've found white rice to be less toxic than brown rice, because rice (even organic rice) often has a lot of arsenic in it and they have found that white rice is safer because it loses a lot of the junk in the processing.

I'd ask her if she's been tested for heavy metals after all that brown rice.

I'd grill her about her supplementing regime, too.

Is she getting enough vitamin D? Man! If she had been getting her levels tested regularly in the years leading up to her diagnosis, perhaps she could have avoided cancer!

I'd print out a lot of information about the dangers of gluten, and I'd ask her why she feels it's safe.

This is horrid. As a cancer survivor I am aghast.

[Anonymous]

Your husband should tell her to knock it off with the judgey comments around his postpartum wife.

Ask her what you can pick up for her at the grocery store before she arrives so she has some staples to work with, then let her cook for herself. My mom is a very picky eater and when she comes to visit, we don't cook the items that disgust her, but we can't predict what she'll eat 100% accuracy and she's gracious when she needs to boil herself an egg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! I'd give it right back to the crazy bitch.

I'd explain to her that tofu is GMO, and that's that's probably upping her cancer risk.

I'd tell her that they've found white rice to be less toxic than brown rice, because rice (even organic rice) often has a lot of arsenic in it and they have found that white rice is safer because it loses a lot of the junk in the processing.

I'd ask her if she's been tested for heavy metals after all that brown rice.

I'd grill her about her supplementing regime, too.

Is she getting enough vitamin D? Man! If she had been getting her levels tested regularly in the years leading up to her diagnosis, perhaps she could have avoided cancer!

I'd print out a lot of information about the dangers of gluten, and I'd ask her why she feels it's safe.

This is horrid. As a cancer survivor I am aghast.

I was the PP. I was being snarky and did not intend to offend. My own mother has survived cancer multiple times, and humor is how we've gotten through a lot.

The bottom line is that OP's MIL does not have a right to degrade OP's way of living, the way she feeds her child, the way she eats, and so on. The point I was attempting to make with my snark is that there's plenty of things OPs MIL might be doing that could be risky from a health perspective (depending on who you ask), and no human can cover all her bases. Sounds like OPs MIL could stand to get a good dose of judgmental assholishness to see how she likes it. OPs MIL seems fine with dishing out judgement on the regular.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every 3 months is four times a year. A lot of the foods you mentioned are shelf-stable. Just get her special almond butter and brown rice and special pasta and toss them on a shelf.

This! A jar of almond butter will last her a year.

Honestly, you should be eating that stuff instead, anyway.

OP, your MIL found your thread.

[Anonymous]

1. Set up a MIL stash box in the pantry for shelf-stable stuff she says she wants, when it's on sale. Fill it up with a little extra and forget about it. That's hers.

2. She "doesn't do" frozen food. Don't buy her frozen food -- buy some frozen meals for yourself, some things you really like. Stash those in your freezer right before she comes. That's yours. Get extra. You can get other things for yourself, too, but this lets you be entirely self-contained at mealtime if need be (someone else has car, you are going to have to give a grocery list over the phone -- eff that, you want to keep things as drama-free for you as you can, and a few minutes of reheating leaves less time for disapproving comments to pile up than prepwork does).

3. Heart to heart with your husband: "Honey, she's your mom, and I can't deal with this. I've tried, and I can't get it right for her. I love you, and I trust you to figure things out -- she's your mom. there's ingredients in the MIL box in the pantry for your or her to cook, or you can arrange take-out. I don't really care, so long as it isn't on my shoulders. I love you! I've got food for me, and you can have some if you want."

4. Frank and brief with MIL: "Gosh, I can't figure out how to take care of your meals right. Sorry! Larlo is going to take care of that, or there's some stuff here in this box, and here are the take-out delivery menus. Say, how 'bout them Oilers [substitute knitting, or professional piccolo tournaments, or whatever]."

5. If she wants to make things unpleasant, then you become cheerfully Very Busy and toodle off with your frozen meal to do emergency gardening, or deliver Meals on Wheels, or whatever. You don't do this without telling your husband in advance that you'll disengage if the situation is going in a bad direction, but you do let him be responsible for his own family. Especially because you obviously can't do it right, so he will have to.

[Anonymous]

The women can not cook? Just show here where the pots and pans are and ask her to
cook for the family while she is at that

[Anonymous]

You are going to be over-emotional about this because

(1) you have an infant and that makes everything in life hard
(2) you had an eating disorder and so food is not just food to you, it's loaded with more emotions than even a regular ol' person feels towards food
(3) your MIL's judgey attitude is truly annoying behavior

Whatever you do, you need to recognize that you're reacting to this in an over-emotional way, and regulate yourself accordingly. This is not so big a deal that it should be such an issue. Take a deep breath. Have an extra glass of wine. Remember that one day this woman will be dead and that you will miss her...remember that she gave life to your husband, and you want to be on good terms with her if possible to maintain family harmony.

Personally, if it were me, I'd grab the Moosewood Cookbook and tell MIL, before she arrives, "I was thinking for dinners while you're here we'd have X and Y and Z from this great new vegan cookbook. How does that sound? Would you be willing to do the grocery shop when you're here so we get the brand of ingredients you like?"

And then, if you happen to be eating candy or bacon one morning and she says something, just laugh and say, "Oh, MIL, we all have our little vices!" and move on.

[Anonymous]

Don't accomodate selfish or crazy. Good rule of thumb for life. You have a baby. She's not supposed to impose all these expectations and work on you. That she is smug and not mortified says it all. Limit your exposure to this person - this is probably not the only thing you'll find selfish and unpalatable coming from her.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read everything here but I have a vegetarian mother and diabetic MIL and we justvtake them grocery shopping when they arrive and have them pick out what they need. They also cook a lot when they are in town which means (a) my husband eats meat for lunch and doesn't complain about veg dinners when my mom is around and (b) I eat carbs for lunch and don't complain about eating soup for dinner every night my in laws are in town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! I'd give it right back to the crazy bitch.

I'd explain to her that tofu is GMO, and that's that's probably upping her cancer risk.

I'd tell her that they've found white rice to be less toxic than brown rice, because rice (even organic rice) often has a lot of arsenic in it and they have found that white rice is safer because it loses a lot of the junk in the processing.

I'd ask her if she's been tested for heavy metals after all that brown rice.

I'd grill her about her supplementing regime, too.

Is she getting enough vitamin D? Man! If she had been getting her levels tested regularly in the years leading up to her diagnosis, perhaps she could have avoided cancer!

I'd print out a lot of information about the dangers of gluten, and I'd ask her why she feels it's safe.

This is horrid. As a cancer survivor I am aghast.

Ah the cancer equivalent of SN mom just showed up. Humour lady, get a sense of humour.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha! I'd give it right back to the crazy bitch.

I'd explain to her that tofu is GMO, and that's that's probably upping her cancer risk.

I'd tell her that they've found white rice to be less toxic than brown rice, because rice (even organic rice) often has a lot of arsenic in it and they have found that white rice is safer because it loses a lot of the junk in the processing.

I'd ask her if she's been tested for heavy metals after all that brown rice.

I'd grill her about her supplementing regime, too.

Is she getting enough vitamin D? Man! If she had been getting her levels tested regularly in the years leading up to her diagnosis, perhaps she could have avoided cancer!

I'd print out a lot of information about the dangers of gluten, and I'd ask her why she feels it's safe.

This is horrid. As a cancer survivor I am aghast.

Ah the cancer equivalent of SN mom just showed up. Humour lady, get a sense of humour.

You are vile. SNs moms don't have a sense of humor? I bet I could describe you very accurately.

[Anonymous]

Tell her organic food is grown in excrement and carries elevated risks of E coli, botulism, salmonella, etc. that you cannot tolerate in your house with children. So she eats normal food or doesn't visit.