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[quote=Anonymous]1. Set up a MIL stash box in the pantry for shelf-stable stuff she says she wants, when it's on sale. Fill it up with a little extra and forget about it. That's hers.

2. She "doesn't do" frozen food. Don't buy her frozen food -- buy some frozen meals for yourself, some things you really like. Stash those in your freezer right before she comes.  That's yours. Get extra. You can get other things for yourself, too, but this lets you be entirely self-contained at mealtime if need be (someone else has car, you are going to have to give a grocery list over the phone -- eff that, you want to keep things as drama-free for you as you can, and a few minutes of reheating leaves less time for disapproving comments to pile up than prepwork does).

3. Heart to heart with your husband: "Honey, she's your mom, and I can't deal with this. I've tried, and I can't get it right for her. I love you, and I trust you to figure things out -- she's your mom. there's ingredients in the MIL box in the pantry for your or her to cook, or you can arrange take-out. I don't really care, so long as it isn't on my shoulders. I love you! I've got food for me, and you can have some if you want."

4. Frank and brief with MIL: "Gosh, I can't figure out how to take care of your meals right. Sorry! Larlo is going to take care of that, or there's some stuff here in this box, and here are the take-out delivery menus. Say, how 'bout them Oilers [substitute knitting, or professional piccolo tournaments, or whatever]."

5. If she wants to make things unpleasant, then you become cheerfully Very Busy and toodle off with your frozen meal to do emergency gardening, or deliver Meals on Wheels, or whatever. You don't do this without telling your husband in advance that you'll disengage if the situation is going in a bad direction, but you do let him be responsible for his own family. Especially because you obviously can't do it right, so he will have to.[/quote]

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