What obligation do I have to cook for and tolerate my vegan MIL?

[Anonymous]

Lookie, I think it's a two way street here. She wants you to eat what she eats, you want her to eat what you eat (yes, you do, because buying almond butter and an extra loaf of whatever bread she fancies is $10, and boom, non-issue). So while she is passive aggressive, you're toeing in that territory too. As one of the PPs pointed out, all of the stuff you listed is shelf-stable. 1 package of brown rice will last you for a year based on the frequency of her visits, why not throw it in? Present it to your DH as your part in cooperation. Ask him to get a lebanese take out - vegan for her, something meaty and tasty for you. Etc. I am not siding with MIL on this, but you can't die on every hill. Chips and soda is not a battle worth fighting.

[Anonymous]

What does the MIL feed you when you visit her? Why can't she cook in your house? She seems to enjoy making you sweat. . .

[Anonymous]

Keep a couple of shelf staples like almond butter for her. Everything else is your dh's responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Where do you live?

I'd ask her to bring some of her own snacks so she can be happy with her snack options.

I'd buy organic salad ingredients (lettuce, carrots, cucumber, tomato, etc...), some organic fruit (bananas, apples, some berries if money is no issue).

I'd buy a few Soupergirl soups and a few loaves of organic bread.

Besides that stuff, Indian/Thai/Lebanese take out.

[Anonymous]

Your issue with MIL is not the food.
There are plenty of places that sell organic produce around here: My Organic Market, Trader Joe's, and even Giant. And as others have pointed out, a lot of the stuff she would eat is shelf stable and can be kept from visit to visit. If it is something that is hard for you to find (really? With online shopping options?), you can ask her to bring it with her, so she can have it here.
You can get small aluminum foil pans, and when you have veggies for your chicken, put some in a foil pan with organic tofu for her. Add whole wheat bread slices, and she has her meal. Since she is being health conscience, then dessert can be frozen organic berry bowl.
Minimal extra effort, and you get the credit for being accommodating.
And you should definitely ask DH to be a sweet heart and take his mother to MOM'S Organic Market to load up on fruits and veggies for her to eat.
But yes, you should also deal with your real issues with MIL.

[Anonymous]

As in most of these IL threads - it really isn't the in-law - its your marriage-relationship. 4x a year - even 3 meals a day x a week (doesn't sound like she stays there that long?) can truly easily be managed but plan for and have your husband get or just add what you need as you shop. While it may be different than you eat - sounds like there are lots of easy options (many above and I would add a make your own taco night and have packet of frozen brown rice on hand if she doesn't like tacos) and with the foods she eats - if you get Seamless or similar - get her (or all your) dinners delivered at least a couple of nights. But do ask your MIL ahead of time to suggest what staples she'd like on hand - and ask her to bring what she can for hard to find items.

[Anonymous]

Show your DH this posts. He needs to be responsible for his mother's meals when she visits.
Agree with other poster who said, have MIL make organic baby food.
Keep a few staples that are shelf stable like almond butter for her. Make a big (organic) salad ala salad bar style each night. Let her pick what she wants to put in her salad.

But no with an infant, a job, a history of eating disorders, breastfeeding, etc., this is insane and you can't keep it up.

[Anonymous]

You have an infant but she comes every 2-3 months? You probably don't have an infant any more or she's come twice.

You know what she'll eat. Make vegetable risotto. Stir fry some tofu and veggies and serve with rice. Have some corn tortillas and black beans.

Seriously how hard is that? You need to make food anyway, so you're just making a big deal out of nothing. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have an infant but she comes every 2-3 months? You probably don't have an infant any more or she's come twice.

You know what she'll eat. Make vegetable risotto. Stir fry some tofu and veggies and serve with rice. Have some corn tortillas and black beans.

Seriously how hard is that? You need to make food anyway, so you're just making a big deal out of nothing. Grow up.

+1 You sound so whiny.

[Anonymous]

Dear husband, you can manage all meals when your mom comes to visit. The end.

[Anonymous]

Your dh should drive her to a grocery store when she gets there and let her pick out food she will eat. He can pay for it, but let her pick it out. Then she can add these foods to whatever meal are planning. I would make sure to include fruits and vegetables in the meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't HAVE to do anything and your are not obligated to do anything. Do what you do. If MIL needs special accommodations, she can get them herself. She is a grown woman and the frequency of her visits are getting to the point where she is not a guest. You are not a restaurant. She is not a customer.

Completel agree. The person with the odd habit (for lack of a better term) should come prepared. It's not even a health condition, which I could be sympathetic to.

[Anonymous]

DH can provide each and every meal, and do each and every grocery run, leading up to and during her visits.

[Anonymous]

Ha! I'd give it right back to the crazy bitch.

I'd explain to her that tofu is GMO, and that's that's probably upping her cancer risk.

I'd tell her that they've found white rice to be less toxic than brown rice, because rice (even organic rice) often has a lot of arsenic in it and they have found that white rice is safer because it loses a lot of the junk in the processing.

I'd ask her if she's been tested for heavy metals after all that brown rice.

I'd grill her about her supplementing regime, too.

Is she getting enough vitamin D? Man! If she had been getting her levels tested regularly in the years leading up to her diagnosis, perhaps she could have avoided cancer!

I'd print out a lot of information about the dangers of gluten, and I'd ask her why she feels it's safe.

[Anonymous]

My sister's inlaws not only are vegan, they don't eat oil. Of any kind. And they proselytize about their lifestyle. When she was nursing her baby, her MIL tried to get her to go to some vegan food camp to learn to eat properly. And you know what's really hard? Making oil-less vegan food at Passover when, if you are strict, you can't eat legumes or wheat or grains -- so there goes soy, tofu, peanut butter, pasta, etc. Making the seder last year was interesting (my parents host all the inlaws). Oh, and their dog is vegan too. And they bring him everywhere. And he hates children.

They are nice people though and do a lot for my sister in terms of babysitting and helping out. What's really funny is that their son, my BIL, is a huge meat-eater of the Atkins/Paleo variety. My sister has basically resorted to a combination of things when they visit (which is monthly at least because they are only an hour away): takeout they will eat; keeping stuff on hand she knows they will eat; having them bring some food they'll eat, like snacks; and doing a sort of smorgasboard for meals, in which she makes or provides a bunch of things and people mix and match what they want.

For you I would recommend a similar approach. Unless it isn't in the budget, just do Lebanese or whatever takeout she'll eat for at least half of the dinners you serve. Keep some staples on hand that she likes -- it's really not hard to find whole wheat pasta or salt-free nuts these days. Whole Foods, Trader Joe's, Wegmans. If you really can't find things, ask her to bring extras so you can keep them on hand for her. Especially of snack-type things. And for dinners you cook, do the smorgasboard. Salad and a starch (potato, sweet potato); store-bought dressing she will eat and whatever you like; then some kind of protein -- meat or fish for you, vegan cheese or nuts for her. Everyone takes what they want. Dessert is a silly hill to die on. Just serve fruit if she's so health-conscious, and eat chocolate with it for you if you want some. If you serve the same thing to her 3 nights in a row, who cares. If she complains, just tell her (nicely) that you are doing your best to accommodate but her diet is very restrictive and if she wants something other than the vegan food you are capable of making, she or DH will have to make it themselves.

And last -- unless you have always disliked her, recognize that the baby stage you are in makes this harder. Having an infant makes everything seem overwhelming. It will get better as your child gets older and more independent. She will always find something to criticize because that's how some people are, but you have to just let it roll off.