New girlfriend use to be a sugar baby..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, FWIW, I do agree with a number of people on here who have shared their belief that her telling you is a good sign of how much she cares.

Also, I have found some of the most judgmental people are either those who have the proverbial skeletons or are just being pious due to their own insecurities and to feel above the common folk. There is a difference between citing the facts while not condoning and condemning someone for their past actions. And just because someone stole something 20 years ago doesn't make them currently a thief.

“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am”
John Newton

Some people believe that once done it labels you forever. I don't like those people and doubt they apply the same standards to themselves.

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.”

If you are developing deep feelings for this woman, and she for you, then leave the past be and enjoy the present you have before you.

Very nice sentiment, in the abstract.

Pop quiz: who do you trust with your wallet?

(a) someone who regularly stole 20 years ago but claims not to have stolen since, or

(b) someone who's never stolen anything in their life?

+1

[Anonymous]

OP,
To her credit she did tell you her past. You have to decide if it is a deal breaker. It would be a deal breaker for me. Don't make the PPs make you feel bad, if it is for you.
It's a pretty big "skeleton", and on the black and white spectrum, it is pretty ... black! So yes, you are allowed to dump her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, FWIW, I do agree with a number of people on here who have shared their belief that her telling you is a good sign of how much she cares.

Also, I have found some of the most judgmental people are either those who have the proverbial skeletons or are just being pious due to their own insecurities and to feel above the common folk. There is a difference between citing the facts while not condoning and condemning someone for their past actions. And just because someone stole something 20 years ago doesn't make them currently a thief.

“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am”
John Newton

Some people believe that once done it labels you forever. I don't like those people and doubt they apply the same standards to themselves.

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.”

If you are developing deep feelings for this woman, and she for you, then leave the past be and enjoy the present you have before you.

Very nice sentiment, in the abstract.

Pop quiz: who do you trust with your wallet?

(a) someone who regularly stole 20 years ago but claims not to have stolen since, or

(b) someone who's never stolen anything in their life?

Your use of the word regularly disqualifies your example since, based on the limited evidence before us, it doesn't apply to OP's GF. Although it would me.

As to b, it's an extremely rare individual that hasn't taken something that doesn't belong to them.

And as to a, let's refer back to b first and then take into consideration the evidence within the present before summarily applying.

Back to how it applies to me. I shoplifted when I was younger. Wish I hadn't but I did and was so good at it I was never caught. Not even one time. But that didn't remove the fact that I was a thief. Anyone who knows me now will tell you that if given the wrong change at the checkout I will return it. Even to a point where I will drive back to the store if I didn't become aware of it until much later. I once had someone that left some money in my office. It had fallen to the floor in front of my desk. I didn't know them and they were supposed to return to complete the transaction but never did. Since all I had was their first name I didn't have a way to find them so I held that money for two years in the same envelop. I finally donated the money to a local animal rescue but kept the persons first name and the amount for years after that. Am I to be trusted now? Well, for some the answer would be no given my past even though it was decades ago but fortunately not everyone is so dogmatic in their judgment of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. I don't see the big deal. To me it sounds like she was dating a guy, or sort of friends with benefits who gifted her things and money. Many couples do this. Was she a mistress? Were they just keeping things casual? it sounds like two consenting adults in a mutually beneficial relationship. This wasn't an Elliot Spitzer having sex at the Mayflower hotel with his socks on with a hooker situation.

OP, she trusted you enough to tell you. She obviously cares a lot about you to share something like this. If you honestly think you cannot deal with this info, let her go, for her sake.

Totally agree and I am a relatively conservative guy. OP, every person has skeletons in the closet, sure you do too. She took a risk telling you. One of the most important things a woman can give you is honesty. But I would talk to her about it just to clear whatever conceptions you have so that it doesn't cloud things moving forward.

If she honestly and openly tells you she is a former heroin addict with a criminal record as well as a former whore, would you overlook those "skeletons" too because she told you honestly and openly?

An addict who prostituted them self in order to pay for the heroin, and a criminal record as a result, compared to a person who had a relationship and sex with someone who provided them money and gifts? You totally missed the boat on that PP. For one thing, once a person is an addict or alcoholic it is a lifetime affliction never to be cured but only controlled and that certainly would have to be considered a present thing, even if not active currently, and not a past one since there is a significant percentage who relapse at some point.

LOL, if you're dumb enough to think a woman who was a whore isn't going to "relapse", I pity you.

I would pity your limitations but it is something you could correct so no pity for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I suggest you abandon this site on this issue. Too many of the people were either dropped at birth or are in miserable relationships. She told you about a prior relationship that concerns you. Most often people find out about things like that after they are married. At the same time you've admitted having some relationships that were FWB type. We've all had prior relationships that were not pristine and we live with them. In telling you she felt that being honest about her past was important to your relationship. An honest woman is a rare commodity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, FWIW, I do agree with a number of people on here who have shared their belief that her telling you is a good sign of how much she cares.

Also, I have found some of the most judgmental people are either those who have the proverbial skeletons or are just being pious due to their own insecurities and to feel above the common folk. There is a difference between citing the facts while not condoning and condemning someone for their past actions. And just because someone stole something 20 years ago doesn't make them currently a thief.

“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am”
John Newton

Some people believe that once done it labels you forever. I don't like those people and doubt they apply the same standards to themselves.

“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why they call it the present.”

If you are developing deep feelings for this woman, and she for you, then leave the past be and enjoy the present you have before you.

Very nice sentiment, in the abstract.

Pop quiz: who do you trust with your wallet?

(a) someone who regularly stole 20 years ago but claims not to have stolen since, or

(b) someone who's never stolen anything in their life?

Your use of the word regularly disqualifies your example since, based on the limited evidence before us, it doesn't apply to OP's GF. Although it would me.

As to b, it's an extremely rare individual that hasn't taken something that doesn't belong to them.

And as to a, let's refer back to b first and then take into consideration the evidence within the present before summarily applying.

Back to how it applies to me. I shoplifted when I was younger. Wish I hadn't but I did and was so good at it I was never caught. Not even one time. But that didn't remove the fact that I was a thief. Anyone who knows me now will tell you that if given the wrong change at the checkout I will return it. Even to a point where I will drive back to the store if I didn't become aware of it until much later. I once had someone that left some money in my office. It had fallen to the floor in front of my desk. I didn't know them and they were supposed to return to complete the transaction but never did. Since all I had was their first name I didn't have a way to find them so I held that money for two years in the same envelop. I finally donated the money to a local animal rescue but kept the persons first name and the amount for years after that. Am I to be trusted now? Well, for some the answer would be no given my past even though it was decades ago but fortunately not everyone is so dogmatic in their judgment of others.

Your reasoning is flawed.

1. "Regularly" certainly does apply to OP's GF, since this was not a one-off incident, but rather an ongoing pattern of behavior (albeit with one person). I deliberately included that word to distinguish this situation from the "I got drunk one night in Miami and...", which is a different situation.

2. I congratulate you on the end of your shoplifting career, but it's essentially irrelevant. The point of my example was simply to illustrate probabilities, NOT to imply that everyone who has sinned will necessarily re-offend.

[Anonymous]

I think you should see how she feels about what she did. If she has no remorse and doesn't see it as a problem then I'd be more concerned. I doubt it was purely sexual or for money and instead would guess there were some psychological problems at the time. Normal happy women don't sell themselves for money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Very nice sentiment, in the abstract.

Pop quiz: who do you trust with your wallet?

(a) someone who regularly stole 20 years ago but claims not to have stolen since, or

(b) someone who's never stolen anything in their life?

Your use of the word regularly disqualifies your example since, based on the limited evidence before us, it doesn't apply to OP's GF. Although it would me.

As to b, it's an extremely rare individual that hasn't taken something that doesn't belong to them.

And as to a, let's refer back to b first and then take into consideration the evidence within the present before summarily applying.

Back to how it applies to me. I shoplifted when I was younger. Wish I hadn't but I did and was so good at it I was never caught. Not even one time. But that didn't remove the fact that I was a thief. Anyone who knows me now will tell you that if given the wrong change at the checkout I will return it. Even to a point where I will drive back to the store if I didn't become aware of it until much later. I once had someone that left some money in my office. It had fallen to the floor in front of my desk. I didn't know them and they were supposed to return to complete the transaction but never did. Since all I had was their first name I didn't have a way to find them so I held that money for two years in the same envelop. I finally donated the money to a local animal rescue but kept the persons first name and the amount for years after that. Am I to be trusted now? Well, for some the answer would be no given my past even though it was decades ago but fortunately not everyone is so dogmatic in their judgment of others.

Your reasoning is flawed.

1. "Regularly" certainly does apply to OP's GF, since this was not a one-off incident, but rather an ongoing pattern of behavior (albeit with one person). I deliberately included that word to distinguish this situation from the "I got drunk one night in Miami and...", which is a different situation.

2. I congratulate you on the end of your shoplifting career, but it's essentially irrelevant. The point of my example was simply to illustrate probabilities, NOT to imply that everyone who has sinned will necessarily re-offend.

You contradict yourself in line 2 since OP's GF isn't currently 'indulging' and a single relationship isn't a pattern but rather a period of time. And unless OP figures she will continue to engage in relationships that mirror that one from her past while she is with him it isn't relevant to the present or future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do her a favor and break up with her now. She doesn't need this kind of judgment from you.

To all the women who say what happened in a woman's past is not the man's business, no matter how many notches are on her bedpost, I wonder how you would feel about your husband if you found out 10 years into marriage that your DH was a very promiscuous gigolo or porn star.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,
To her credit she did tell you her past. You have to decide if it is a deal breaker. It would be a deal breaker for me. Don't make the PPs make you feel bad, if it is for you.
It's a pretty big "skeleton", and on the black and white spectrum, it is pretty ... black! So yes, you are allowed to dump her.

OP: I have 1,000 x's as much respect for someone who is open and honest about their past as for someone who conceals their history. It would be hard to get over this one, but her forthrightness in confessing would go a long way for me. At least you're not finding out after years like the other recent thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do her a favor and break up with her now. She doesn't need this kind of judgment from you.

To all the women who say what happened in a woman's past is not the man's business, no matter how many notches are on her bedpost, I wonder how you would feel about your husband if you found out 10 years into marriage that your DH was a very promiscuous gigolo or porn star.

If he has lots of loot, stroke skills and tongue talent I would not care at all.

OP break up with her because you sound insufferable and she deserves better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do her a favor and break up with her now. She doesn't need this kind of judgment from you.

To all the women who say what happened in a woman's past is not the man's business, no matter how many notches are on her bedpost, I wonder how you would feel about your husband if you found out 10 years into marriage that your DH was a very promiscuous gigolo or porn star.

Has he tested clean since? Yes? That's all I need to know.

[Anonymous]

Sorry bud, tough decision

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do her a favor and break up with her now. She doesn't need this kind of judgment from you.

To all the women who say what happened in a woman's past is not the man's business, no matter how many notches are on her bedpost, I wonder how you would feel about your husband if you found out 10 years into marriage that your DH was a very promiscuous gigolo or porn star.

Has he tested clean since? Yes? That's all I need to know.

Sure sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it a formal sugar daddy relationship, like someone she sought out for that on a website, or just a generous older guy that she dated who wanted to pay for stuff for her?

Op here. She described it as a fwb type relationship. She was 27 and he was 35. I am not jealous, btw. I make very good money.

Of course you do. She wouldn't be with you otherwise.

There it is! OP you are a mark. I bet you have never had a girlfriend before?

Op here. I don't think I'm a " mark". This is a genuine relationship. I have plenty of girlfriends. She also makes good money now, and doesn't need any handouts.

when she is on her back....what have you given/paid her?