Can't crack the dating code

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you tell your dates, that asian is your type?

NO! Because until they get to know me and I can actually explain (way down the line) why I tend to end up dating Asians, I know they will immediately think it's some weird yellow fever shit. It's not.

[Anonymous]

Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I'm white. And by "upping odds" I don't know what you mean. I know tons of white man, asian woman couples. It doesn't have to be Korean. I just tend to find within the Asian strata that Koreans catch my eye most. But there are many Chinese women that I've dated or had relationships with too.

This is weird. You will stay single forever unless you change. As an Asian woman I'd be put off by a man of a different race who ONLY wants to date Asian women. I'd assume he either hates his own race or sees me as a curiosity or fetish. The mixed white-Korean couples possibly just fell in love without the man setting the Asian race as an absolute prerequisite.

Did you read my PP. If you did, I think I laid out a pretty strong case of it not being a fetish.

I'm a different poster, but as an Asian woman I agree with pp, Your posts come across as you having a fetish or at the least unhinged. Something comes through as being off about you. It's probably what your dates are picking up on.

[Anonymous]

"Of course the opposite is true when she walks in the door and I'm "meh" about it"

Maybe if you gave a date more than a cursory look before judging her to be "meh" or "hot" you would have more success in not coming across like a total jerk off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Of course the opposite is true when she walks in the door and I'm "meh" about it"

Maybe if you gave a date more than a cursory look before judging her to be "meh" or "hot" you would have more success in not coming across like a total jerk off.

I completely disagree with this. I'm a very earnest guy who doesn't want to set himself on a course of trouble. I believe in monogamy and long term relationships. Not a player. But, smart enough to know that if you don't end up with someone who you are really instantly physically attracted to as a guy that's going to be trouble down the road (as I'm sure it is for many women).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Ok whatever I'm about to get flamed but I'll go for it anyway. My type is Asian with a strong preference for Korean. Educated and ambitious (not looking for submissive for those who think that's a thing). And a good person. That's really my only main criteria. I'm just especially attracted to this and I wouldn't want to enter into a long term relationship with someone who doesn't fit this mold because I know I'll always have the strongest attraction to this look and want to avoid a future of second guessing if I settled for what I'm instantly attracted to...

Assuming you are not Korean or Asian, why that criteria?

I'm of that background and I can see someone with that background wanting the same for cultural purposes, but outside of that it would come across as weird to me. Maybe that is what your dates are picking up on.

No offense PP, but this pisses me off. I don't like Asian women for any stereotypical reason, it's just that the traits I am attracted to are found much more disproportionately in the Asian American community. I exclusively am attracted to brunettes, with darker skins and darker (eyes, hair) features and to very petite women. Also, great education and ambition. Let's just be honest that those set of traits (which have NOTHING to do with race/ethnicity/creepiness) are more abundant in the Asian community. Sometimes women who are Hispanic or South American fit that bill, or some Italian/Mediterranean/Arabic women too, but it's much rarer to find. Again, it's not technically about ethnicity. I'm just fishing in the pond where the traits I like are most found. They asked Al Capone why he robbed banks... "It's because that's where the money is"

Do yo not see how it's weird to state you only date a certain type of women for the color of her hair, eyes etc? If not weird and fetishism it is definitely immature. I would expect that mentality from a teenage boy or even someone in their 20s, but at 33 it is strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Of course the opposite is true when she walks in the door and I'm "meh" about it"

Maybe if you gave a date more than a cursory look before judging her to be "meh" or "hot" you would have more success in not coming across like a total jerk off.

I completely disagree with this. I'm a very earnest guy who doesn't want to set himself on a course of trouble. I believe in monogamy and long term relationships. Not a player. But, smart enough to know that if you don't end up with someone who you are really instantly physically attracted to as a guy that's going to be trouble down the road (as I'm sure it is for many women).

So why haven't your other long-term relationships worked out?

You seem to lack introspect and are very thin-skinned when someone challenges you. Should probably work on that before anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Of course the opposite is true when she walks in the door and I'm "meh" about it"

Maybe if you gave a date more than a cursory look before judging her to be "meh" or "hot" you would have more success in not coming across like a total jerk off.

I completely disagree with this. I'm a very earnest guy who doesn't want to set himself on a course of trouble. I believe in monogamy and long term relationships. Not a player. But, smart enough to know that if you don't end up with someone who you are really instantly physically attracted to as a guy that's going to be trouble down the road (as I'm sure it is for many women).

So why haven't your other long-term relationships worked out?

You seem to lack introspect and are very thin-skinned when someone challenges you. Should probably work on that before anything else.

I'm not thin skinned, but I will push back if I disagree with an assertion. A racial fetish is different than having a set of preferences (note mine are not just physical but the combo of physical and accomplishments via education and ambition). This is like a basic ven diagram. It's simply that the overlap of what I like happens to overlap with a lot of Asian women. I've had great relationships with Brazillian women, Koreans, Chinese, Italian, Lebanese, etc. So I hardly profile as an Asian fetishist. I just am not attracted physically to blondes, more pale skin, and am attracted to hugely ambitious and successful, dark skinned petite women. How is that any different than women who are drawn to men with beards over 6' tall who are highly successful? Seems like a lot of women on DCUM have types.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

To me this shouldn't be a criteria for any man or women in their mid 30s dating and looking for marriage. I think you are seeling yourself short by being so narrow in focus. The person who could be your best match for marriage could meet those things but they could look wildly different.

I'll use myself as an example for the longest time my "type" was dark hair, blue eyes, fair skinned, and over 6'2". The guy I married is caramel skinned, 5'8" with dark hair and brown eyes, he brought something to the table the others didn't. Things I couldn't see when I was being so narrowly focused. I'm lucky I had friends to talk sense to me when I was 30.

Real true married life is hard as shit and what color eyes your spouse has doesn't mean that much when your baby is sick in the hospital or you just lost your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

To me this shouldn't be a criteria for any man or women in their mid 30s dating and looking for marriage. I think you are seeling yourself short by being so narrow in focus. The person who could be your best match for marriage could meet those things but they could look wildly different.

I'll use myself as an example for the longest time my "type" was dark hair, blue eyes, fair skinned, and over 6'2". The guy I married is caramel skinned, 5'8" with dark hair and brown eyes, he brought something to the table the others didn't. Things I couldn't see when I was being so narrowly focused. I'm lucky I had friends to talk sense to me when I was 30.

Real true married life is hard as shit and what color eyes your spouse has doesn't mean that much when your baby is sick in the hospital or you just lost your job.

I understand your perspective PP, and it's fair. But I've been in relationships before where I settled too much on my physical preferences and it was difficult for me to ever feel satisfied. I don't want to put someone in that position. The other person deserves to have their long term partner really jazzed to be with them (both physically, emotionally, and beyond).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

To me this shouldn't be a criteria for any man or women in their mid 30s dating and looking for marriage. I think you are seeling yourself short by being so narrow in focus. The person who could be your best match for marriage could meet those things but they could look wildly different.

I'll use myself as an example for the longest time my "type" was dark hair, blue eyes, fair skinned, and over 6'2". The guy I married is caramel skinned, 5'8" with dark hair and brown eyes, he brought something to the table the others didn't. Things I couldn't see when I was being so narrowly focused. I'm lucky I had friends to talk sense to me when I was 30.

Real true married life is hard as shit and what color eyes your spouse has doesn't mean that much when your baby is sick in the hospital or you just lost your job.

I understand your perspective PP, and it's fair. But I've been in relationships before where I settled too much on my physical preferences and it was difficult for me to ever feel satisfied. I don't want to put someone in that position. The other person deserves to have their long term partner really jazzed to be with them (both physically, emotionally, and beyond).

I think if you can only be invested emotionally in your partner if they look a certain way -marriage is not for you.
Your wife even if she's the Asian you want will not look at 45 and 50 as she did at 27. She won't look as she did at 33 as she did at 27 if she has a couple of kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

To me this shouldn't be a criteria for any man or women in their mid 30s dating and looking for marriage. I think you are seeling yourself short by being so narrow in focus. The person who could be your best match for marriage could meet those things but they could look wildly different.

I'll use myself as an example for the longest time my "type" was dark hair, blue eyes, fair skinned, and over 6'2". The guy I married is caramel skinned, 5'8" with dark hair and brown eyes, he brought something to the table the others didn't. Things I couldn't see when I was being so narrowly focused. I'm lucky I had friends to talk sense to me when I was 30.

Real true married life is hard as shit and what color eyes your spouse has doesn't mean that much when your baby is sick in the hospital or you just lost your job.

I understand your perspective PP, and it's fair. But I've been in relationships before where I settled too much on my physical preferences and it was difficult for me to ever feel satisfied. I don't want to put someone in that position. The other person deserves to have their long term partner really jazzed to be with them (both physically, emotionally, and beyond).

I think if you can only be invested emotionally in your partner if they look a certain way -marriage is not for you.
Your wife even if she's the Asian you want will not look at 45 and 50 as she did at 27. She won't look as she did at 33 as she did at 27 if she has a couple of kids.

I don't think I want children. But that's beside the point. Of course she'll look differently. So will I. Who said anything about never looking differently. But that has nothing to do with attraction and chemistry for the next 10-15 years. Or 20.

[Anonymous]

There's no code to crack. Hold on to your preferences and continue the dating experiences you've been having of being dropped by "your type" after first date or be less superficial when you meet ATTRACTIVE women who just have different colored hair or eyes and are slim but taller than "exceptionally petite" (what does that even mean?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no code to crack. Hold on to your preferences and continue the dating experiences you've been having of being dropped by "your type" after first date or be less superficial when you meet ATTRACTIVE women who just have different colored hair or eyes and are slim but taller than "exceptionally petite" (what does that even mean?)

OP is clear he can't do that.