s/o how much money do you need to make to provide for a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want my DH or myself to stay home unless one of us made seven figures. Otherwise it's not worth it to us to sacrifice career advancement opportunities and earning potential. We both like to be self sufficient.

+1000

+1001

[Anonymous]

Good reality check on this thread

Really easy to break 100k with a college degree around here
Vast vast vast majority of people are going to be making between 125 and 175k in middle management for most of their working lives

There really aren't that many jobs that make over 175k period. And if you do get one expect travel, long hours stress etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good reality check on this thread

Really easy to break 100k with a college degree around here
Vast vast vast majority of people are going to be making between 125 and 175k in middle management for most of their working lives

There really aren't that many jobs that make over 175k period. And if you do get one expect travel, long hours stress etc

True. And the people who say they could happily SAH if their spouse made alone what they currently make together seem to be conveniently disregarding the fact that the spouse would have to work a lot harder to make that much more. It wouldn't just be the status quo job but for more money.

[Anonymous]

Another way to approach it is to ask what does the second income need to be to economically justify the second person working. Please keep in mind I said "economically" justify, I'm not questioning the emotional or psychological importance of working. You need to take into account, on an after tax basis, at least the the following: child care, transportation costs, other working costs etc. If child care includes a nanny you need to consider taxes and any benefits. After tax you can easily spend $40,000+ which means you need to gross about $65-70,000 (second income is taxed at higher marginal rate) to break even. The math will differ for different situations but the second income needs to be pretty large to cost justify it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

It all depends on what your expenses are. I have been a sahp for the past 14 years. We live a perfectly fine life, have been able to save for a generous retirement and for college for both our children on income between $150-$200k a year for the past 10 or so years. Our housing is about $2500 a month including mortgage/taxes/related insurances.

This was not a choice made because we wanted it. In fact, I may have uttered, "I will never be a sahm; it isn't for me. I am not made for it. I would be miserable" when DH was my fiancé. We preferred to have dual wohps, but life intervened. I quit after our youngest was hospitalized for the 3rd time in an 8 month period- it was one too many things and it was the pragmatic/practical choice. I went back when youngest was in school only to quit later when both of our children were diagnosed with special needs that required therapies and other time consuming things. Now, our youngest is off to college next fall and once he is settled and we know it has stuck, we are planning for DH to transfer to an overseas job for as long as we can -hopefully until his retirement (5ish years if all goes well). As a result, it looks like I will not be returning to paid work. It has taken a while, but I have adjusted to sah and I am at peace with it. While there are drawbacks, there are also benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good reality check on this thread

Really easy to break 100k with a college degree around here
Vast vast vast majority of people are going to be making between 125 and 175k in middle management for most of their working lives

There really aren't that many jobs that make over 175k period. And if you do get one expect travel, long hours stress etc

True. And the people who say they could happily SAH if their spouse made alone what they currently make together seem to be conveniently disregarding the fact that the spouse would have to work a lot harder to make that much more. It wouldn't just be the status quo job but for more money.

Exactly. I wouldn't change my husband's perfect work/life balance schedule in order for us to afford a SAHP.

I'd rather find a job with some flexibility. I am still looking. ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Medical specialist, 5th year big law associate, high finance, 2-3years post MBA at MBB consulting - those are the four paths I know tons of late 20/early 30 people making 250k+

Did you go to a top school or tailgate state?

The pool of people making 250k+ is still exceedingly small. It may seem a bit bigger because odds are you live almost within that rarefied circle and such jobs will concentrate you to key markets in key cities where much of the income is eaten up by very high COL.

DH pulls in 300k but he's in his early 40s and it took him 20 years to get to this level, through both hard work and some luck. He's in the corporate world and has a quite senior role.

By the way, I am an Ivy graduate and I've seen the average incomes of graduates of my fine Ivy and it's well below 250k. Some of the most successful people I know are tailgate U graduates and they were phenomenal at sales or started their own businesses.

if you work in tech, it seems everyone is making 250k after age 30 - starting salaries at Microsoft for PM's and Devs is 120-130 at age 21/22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Come back and tell us how tired and stressed you are when both you and your wife work long inflexible hours, don't have time for your kids and your family is stressed. You are naive.

This is exactly the problem. Many lower middle class strivers come to high COL areas and do jobs they love or have an important mission, only to realize later they should have been chasing the $$$ if they want kids and TIME to see those kids.

OP this DH learned this lesson the hard way and my career is too advanced to change to make more lucrative. But you should tack now into and be more ambitious about income. I was so excited to make twice as much as my parents had ever made together, $80k... hah hah was so naive. Probably still naive because I really have no idea how people swing these $500k careers. But do wish I had investigated when I was younger and could take more risk.

OP - I did not come from a LMC background. Maybe my outlook is skewed because I was raised in a two income household. My mother still works because she loves her job and she is at the top of her field.

I am also clueless as to what these high-income individuals do for a living. I have friends working in numerous fields and none of them are raking in 250k+. In addition, there is little chance they ever will. Those jobs are difficult to come by. I cannot imagine just waltzing in to a job like that.

What schools did your friends go to?

Medical specialist, 5th year big law associate, high finance, 2-3years post MBA at MBB consulting - those are the four paths I know tons of late 20/early 30 people making 250k+

Did you go to a top school or tailgate state?

LMC DH here, I actually went to a top school (Ivy) but hung out with other science geeks and had no idea about income spectrum between highly educated scientists and engineers GS doctors, MBA, and never even heard of MBB.

And a parent staying home was easy back home, you can pick up an 80s home for $70k with seven schools. Just no jobs which was the catch I figured out too late

NP. My parents were poor Asian immigrants. I went to an ivy. Most of my friends went into law, medicine, management consulting and finance. I think most of us earned six figures at our first job. DH also grew up poor with Asian immigrant parents. We now have a seven figure income. Most all our friends earn high six figures. Many of our friends from school come from family money.

Not sure who you hung out with in college and grad school.

You parents were poor Asian immigrants who were smart and potentially educated enough to navigate emigrating from halfway across the world to provide for a better life. There are a lot of LMC students coming from rural backwaters and inner cities whose parents... are less adept.

We all worked hard, but our life had been consumed on how to get out of the sticks or the 'hood, and the plan beyond that we had no idea. We were not obsessed with earning money, which is kind of the driver for a lot of folks who go into law, finance, and management consulting (and to some degree medicine) -- but instead were geeks interested in deep understanding of how the universe worked or building something cool. But unless you stumbled into a tech bubble, these types tend to toil away underpaid at corporate, academic, or government labs. Which I think is similar to OP who is looking at a grad degree but never breaking $100k -- he is following his passion, and not realizing it really limits his options for a sane family life b/c both parents will need to work.

And PP, Asian immigrants children doing well is a cliche? But how many doctors or CEOs are from Appalachia or the inner city of Baltimore? There are a lot of factors at play here, but your story is well known, and you did not face quite as formidable obstacles as you think.

The fact of the matter is that there are very very few grad degrees that will launch a 250k career. Even here in DC, the percentage of jobs that pay >250k is tiny. I don't understand how people can't get that through your head. You could be ivy educated with an MBA from NYU and still not realize that kind of payout. 95% of people are not graduating into six-figure jobs. That is why I think it is unfair to feel entitled to a spouse who makes that kind of money.

if you are going to an ivy, isn't going to stern for MBA going backwards in life?

M7 or bust. the median starting salary coming out of an M7 is 130ish (that's everone from the hedge fund dudes to the people who go work on the hill making 50k).

By 35, unless you messed up somewhere or took years off to do whatever, you'll be breaking 250k (unless you stayed in public service - which 'pays' with stability and potentially 'cool' projects in another sense).

[Anonymous]

Depends a lot on what kind of house you want and in what area, and whether you are sending your kids to private school or public school -- if private, depends on how many kids you have, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends a lot on what kind of house you want and in what area, and whether you are sending your kids to private school or public school -- if private, depends on how many kids you have, etc.

This DCUM thread has some insight on HHI for private school:
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/607187.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

Are you claiming by being a SAHM, you are a better parent than those that work? Sorry, trolling DCUM while you're "working" at home doesn't make you a good parent.

No stupid. I am not claiming anything. I am addressing the "sickening" comment from PP above..

I am not competing with WOHM. I am actually going back to work in a couple of years. And I have an aunt watching my babies right now while I "troll".

Do what works for you and stop judging other people's choices.

Calling PPs "fool" and "stupid" for sharing their opinion. Good luck on that job hunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

Are you claiming by being a SAHM, you are a better parent than those that work? Sorry, trolling DCUM while you're "working" at home doesn't make you a good parent.

No stupid. I am not claiming anything. I am addressing the "sickening" comment from PP above..

I am not competing with WOHM. I am actually going back to work in a couple of years. And I have an aunt watching my babies right now while I "troll".

Do what works for you and stop judging other people's choices.

So a SAHP that doesn't even stay at home with their child, defending the SAH lifestyle? Interesting to say the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

Defensive much?

Nope. You? I am just stating the truth. You'd have to be a fool to fail to see how a mother doing what nannies or daycare providers do is somehow worthy of less respect than those nannies or daycare providers. And I am assuming that you respect nannies and daycare providers.

Yes, respect for the working. . . And respect for those that stay at home and actually take care of their children. Those that stay at home, troll DCUM and call others' names for sharing their opinion, and then state they are a SAHP but their aunt is actually watching the children. Good luck in your job search.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Medical specialist, 5th year big law associate, high finance, 2-3years post MBA at MBB consulting - those are the four paths I know tons of late 20/early 30 people making 250k+

Did you go to a top school or tailgate state?

The pool of people making 250k+ is still exceedingly small. It may seem a bit bigger because odds are you live almost within that rarefied circle and such jobs will concentrate you to key markets in key cities where much of the income is eaten up by very high COL.

DH pulls in 300k but he's in his early 40s and it took him 20 years to get to this level, through both hard work and some luck. He's in the corporate world and has a quite senior role.

By the way, I am an Ivy graduate and I've seen the average incomes of graduates of my fine Ivy and it's well below 250k. Some of the most successful people I know are tailgate U graduates and they were phenomenal at sales or started their own businesses.

if you work in tech, it seems everyone is making 250k after age 30 - starting salaries at Microsoft for PM's and Devs is 120-130 at age 21/22.

Mouth that would necessitate moving up to a director level? Most programmers don't have the chops to be that level of management unless they get an MBA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Medical specialist, 5th year big law associate, high finance, 2-3years post MBA at MBB consulting - those are the four paths I know tons of late 20/early 30 people making 250k+

Did you go to a top school or tailgate state?

The pool of people making 250k+ is still exceedingly small. It may seem a bit bigger because odds are you live almost within that rarefied circle and such jobs will concentrate you to key markets in key cities where much of the income is eaten up by very high COL.

DH pulls in 300k but he's in his early 40s and it took him 20 years to get to this level, through both hard work and some luck. He's in the corporate world and has a quite senior role.

By the way, I am an Ivy graduate and I've seen the average incomes of graduates of my fine Ivy and it's well below 250k. Some of the most successful people I know are tailgate U graduates and they were phenomenal at sales or started their own businesses.

if you work in tech, it seems everyone is making 250k after age 30 - starting salaries at Microsoft for PM's and Devs is 120-130 at age 21/22.

Mouth that would necessitate moving up to a director level? Most programmers don't have the chops to be that level of management unless they get an MBA.

At MICROSOFT. Good lord you all have ridiculously high aspirations. You are equating the *average* with working as a developer for top top top tech company. <5% of software development grads will be going to work for companies on caliber with Microsoft, Facebook, etc. Give me a break!