Would our DD feel out of place at private school if our HHI is $250,000

[Anonymous]

We are considering private school for our two DD starting in 6th grade, but worry that she'll feel out of place because our HHI is $250,000.

(The grandparents -- who lived modestly but are now doing well thanks to their investments -- would fund the tuition.)

DH and I are both attorneys from top public universities, and I work part-time.

At my workplace, I know quite a few people who send their kids to private school. They seem to have quite a bit more money than we do.

For us, because we're happy with our public schools in Bethesda, it is not essential to move to private, but we think it would be a great opportunity for our daughters.

Our cards are Hondas (2007 and 2003), and our vacations are pretty average. Our daughter loves to host school friends at our house for playdates and sleepovers, but that's because most of our neighbors have small Cape Cods like we do. I'm worried that, if her peers had substantially nicer houses, she might feel reluctant to invite them over. And the house does not have a lot of room for entertaining anyway. I worry that my DDs might not make a lot of friends if they are not willing to reciprocate with playdates/sleepovers, etc.

I welcome the thoughts of anyone who is in this situation, or whose child may have a friend in this situation. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are considering private school for our two DD starting in 6th grade, but worry that she'll feel out of place because our HHI is $250,000.

(The grandparents -- who lived modestly but are now doing well thanks to their investments -- would fund the tuition.)

DH and I are both attorneys from top public universities, and I work part-time.

At my workplace, I know quite a few people who send their kids to private school. They seem to have quite a bit more money than we do.

For us, because we're happy with our public schools in Bethesda, it is not essential to move to private, but we think it would be a great opportunity for our daughters.

Our cards are Hondas (2007 and 2003), and our vacations are pretty average. Our daughter loves to host school friends at our house for playdates and sleepovers, but that's because most of our neighbors have small Cape Cods like we do. I'm worried that, if her peers had substantially nicer houses, she might feel reluctant to invite them over. And the house does not have a lot of room for entertaining anyway. I worry that my DDs might not make a lot of friends if they are not willing to reciprocate with playdates/sleepovers, etc.

I welcome the thoughts of anyone who is in this situation, or whose child may have a friend in this situation. Thank you.

There are no words.

[Anonymous]

oh my....

[Anonymous]

You are not poor. You are not rich.

[Anonymous]

You inadequacy is of your own creation. Stop comparing yourself in such a materialistic way.

[Anonymous]

They may not fit in well if your bizarre inferiority complex is passed down from their parents. Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Just let the thread die instead of 6 pages of bashing the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who feels inadequate with a 250K HHI needs to pay attention to some of the people with real problems in this world and get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let the thread die instead of 6 pages of bashing the OP.

I kind of agree, but good god this is sad.

[Anonymous]

You forgot to mention that you shop at Old Navy. Until you specify ON, you aren't really trying.

Honestly though I had kids in both kinds of school and there were far wealthier people at our Bethesda public school than private school. So they should be used to being the poors already.

[Anonymous]

Ok I'll try not be snarky. We have similar HHI and realize we will be the lower end of some of his peers. Our home and cars are not large or extravagant, our vacations are average. However, I don't care what his friends think or their parents. We don't have to look at prices when we order at a restaurant and don't feel stress with money. If my DS feels inadequate or ends up not being invited to things because his peers thinks we're not good enough, they can kiss my ass and he should be ashamed to feel that way and I'm going to show him pictures of starving and mangled children and tell him to get over himself.

[Anonymous]

OP, you should ask Jeff to lock the thread. First, please take your head out of your a$$.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar question. Mostly because I read DCUM. Profile: 180 hhi. We're teacher / librarian / tech types. Live in a very small house. Vacation at grandma's house.

So far, I've enjoyed meeting parents. I'm not worried about the issue any more. There was one school where I felt out of place. If that impression repeats, we won't send DC.

Perhaps I feel differently in a year. But I think this will be a minor, not major issue.

[Anonymous]

Give OP some credit. Can you really claim that most families at independent schools don't make way more than $250,000? OK, there is 40% that receives financial aid. But do you really think that the other 60% make $250,000? In my experience, most families at my DS's school make WAY more than that, judging by their vacation destinations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give OP some credit. Can you really claim that most families at independent schools don't make way more than $250,000? OK, there is 40% that receives financial aid. But do you really think that the other 60% make $250,000? In my experience, most families at my DS's school make WAY more than that, judging by their vacation destinations.

This. OP is talking about the barbell effect in private school incomes, where there are a lot getting FA and a lot of really rich families and not so many in the middle. I don't want to minimize the culture shock for FA families, which is bigger, but it's also there to some extent for the families in the middle. Well, anytime your kid is with much richer kids all day, and they aren't mature enough to ignore the other families' great vacations, there's going to be an element of that.

We were that family in private elementary school. Lots and lots of families made way more than us. Many families also had SAHMs who did all the PTA stuff that I couldn't do because it was scheduled in the middle of the day and the school was miles from my work. My kids didn't notice a lot of differences, but they did point out once that we were the second-to-last in the class to take our kids to Europe, when they were in fifth and second grades.