s/o how much money do you need to make to provide for a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can make it work after 150k+, you just have to live in the burbs.

If your baby could talk, I'm sure that he/she would prefer to live in the suburbs and have you vs. living in the city with good access to bars and restaurants. Unfortunately, babies opinions tend to be less important than parent's opinions. So the parents choose "cool" over "good parent." Sad.

I really have no clue what you mean by any of this...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can make it work after 150k+, you just have to live in the burbs.

If your baby could talk, I'm sure that he/she would prefer to live in the suburbs and have you vs. living in the city with good access to bars and restaurants. Unfortunately, babies opinions tend to be less important than parent's opinions. So the parents choose "cool" over "good parent." Sad.

This is bizzarre logic. The reason we live in the city is shorter commute times so I can see my family more. The urban lifestyle is a big plus, don't get me wrong.. But using yourblogic, if your baby could talk it would prefer to live in a 1500 square foot house in the city and have you drive a use Honda Accord than live in the suburbs in a mcmansion.

[Anonymous]

Np here --- I find this thread interesting as it is bringing out the worst in folks competing for validation that they've made the "right" choice for their family. The grass is greener on the SAHM v work side -- I've been in both camps---

SAhm (2 years when kids young) - love being with kids, but exhausted and remembering what it was like to talk to grown ups and feel like I am not in sweats all the time; changes dynamic w DH for the worse as he walks all over me;

Part time (4 years) -- love being with kids and thrill of a paycheck; but become resentful that I am paid part time to then work full time;

Full time -- love the paycheck making almost 300k again and have pride of flexible job to be with kids after school then work again evening hours; travel a lot for work but FaceTime with kids; feel exhausted and wish I had time to take care of myself; but remember being SAHM and fear of never finding job again--- remember Sahm is temporary as kids go to college --- that is harder for Sahm than working moms I think

There are pros and cons but being sahm is much harder than working I think -- exhausting, no paycheck, love the kids but it's not like you get positive performance evaluations like you do at work -- hats off to the sahm I couldn't afford to do it and I don't think I would have chosen to do it jf I could ..... By the grass is greener and maybe because my kids are now 10+ needs have changed

I think the point of this rambling post is there is no one size fits all approach, my advice to younger people is that you can't have it all at once -- but you can have things in phases and find a career where you can mix it up -- gear up/ gear down --- if you do want to temporarily stay at home, chose a profession where you won't become outdated if you take a year or two off --- I am a lawyer and was able to do it - however I know doctors and teachers who took off years and never could find a job to "come back"....

Good luck everyone, it's so hard making these choices......there is no one size fits all....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Dude, don't be a drama queen. It is not a deal breaker for most women, esp. in DC. But most guy's who support a SAHM do it because it is a family decision to have the kids raised by a parent. They don't do it because of a desire to provide for someone or because it is a deal breaker for the wife.

Exactly. You just never know what issues may arise or how you both will actually feel once your child is a real thing. We were both ambitious, career driven professionals and were quite shocked by how strongly we suddenly felt the need to change both of our careers. It was unexpected to say the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Dude, don't be a drama queen. It is not a deal breaker for most women, esp. in DC. But most guy's who support a SAHM do it because it is a family decision to have the kids raised by a parent. They don't do it because of a desire to provide for someone or because it is a deal breaker for the wife.

Exactly. You just never know what issues may arise or how you both will actually feel once your child is a real thing. We were both ambitious, career driven professionals and were quite shocked by how strongly we suddenly felt the need to change both of our careers. It was unexpected to say the least.

Both parents choosing to downshift to family friendly positions (or even one parent going part-time) is not the same as one parent becoming a sahp.

[Anonymous]

OP, in the real world, if you have a decent job with access to affordable healthcare, you can subsist on very little. Whether you want to do this or not is a philosophical question that no one can answer for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

See the correlation, ladies? His desire to "provide" is proportional to what he expects he'll be able to make. Do your homework, and don't marry schmucks like this who want to act like women who want to stay at home are gross because he simply can't cut it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np here --- I find this thread interesting as it is bringing out the worst in folks competing for validation that they've made the "right" choice for their family. The grass is greener on the SAHM v work side -- I've been in both camps---

SAhm (2 years when kids young) - love being with kids, but exhausted and remembering what it was like to talk to grown ups and feel like I am not in sweats all the time; changes dynamic w DH for the worse as he walks all over me;

Part time (4 years) -- love being with kids and thrill of a paycheck; but become resentful that I am paid part time to then work full time;

Full time -- love the paycheck making almost 300k again and have pride of flexible job to be with kids after school then work again evening hours; travel a lot for work but FaceTime with kids; feel exhausted and wish I had time to take care of myself; but remember being SAHM and fear of never finding job again--- remember Sahm is temporary as kids go to college --- that is harder for Sahm than working moms I think

There are pros and cons but being sahm is much harder than working I think -- exhausting, no paycheck, love the kids but it's not like you get positive performance evaluations like you do at work -- hats off to the sahm I couldn't afford to do it and I don't think I would have chosen to do it jf I could ..... By the grass is greener and maybe because my kids are now 10+ needs have changed

I think the point of this rambling post is there is no one size fits all approach, my advice to younger people is that you can't have it all at once -- but you can have things in phases and find a career where you can mix it up -- gear up/ gear down --- if you do want to temporarily stay at home, chose a profession where you won't become outdated if you take a year or two off --- I am a lawyer and was able to do it - however I know doctors and teachers who took off years and never could find a job to "come back"....

Good luck everyone, it's so hard making these choices......there is no one size fits all....

Same experience here. And for OP thinking about choosing a partner, this is why it's not about how much you need to make or she needs to make, it's about finding someone with shared values and someone who can roll with the different situations of life -- as you should too.

DH and I both had SAHMs and felt is was important for a parent to be the primary caregiver for the first few years. DH was willing to be the SAHP if I didn't want to but I did want to and it made more sense career-wise too because he is in a tech career where taking time off would be a big problem while my career is more flexible and I had the ability to freelance. We discussed this when dating and knowing that was the plan we banked one salary (he and I made about the same amount) from the time we married so we were used to living on one income. Initially I thought I'd go back when our younger was 3 yrs old but the arrangement was working well for all of us at that time so it continued until she started K and then I went back to work FT. DH and I worked together to figure out how to balance the parenting and house stuff now that we were both working. Looking ahead, since DH is several years older than me we'll probably go through a number of years where he is retired and runs the home stuff while I work. Life is long, if you are lucky, and things change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

. . . says the college-educated person that made it a goal of marrying a rich man to provide for them.

I'm a new poster. To be clear, staying home with my kids is not about ME. it's about CHILDCARE. It's about providing my children with the absolute highest quality childcare available - a parent. it would be a cold day in hell before I leave one of my babies in some random daycare for 50 hours a week.

Sure, it's not about you.

I *love* posters like you PP, you clutch the pearls so tightly, you turn them to dust.

You care your preciousss babies, those working parents are just driving by 'random' daycares and dropping the kids at the curb.

babies...

You are completely right, my babies are precious. The most important thing in my life. If I had a job that was more important than they were (like , if I were
Taylor swift or something) AND had a another person in my life who could lactate and love them as much as my husband and I do, then I would keep working. My lame old job was not saving the world - I'm very confident that I chose correctly to quit my job To care for my family. I am also 100% sure I do a better job than any minimum wage caretaker currently in the daycare market.

To me

[Anonymous]

I think this thread is missing the reality. Reality is that if your wife makes 60k or less, it's often cheaper for her to SAH. Daycare is outrageous. The majority of people I know that are SAHMs are staying home because they are "kept women"- it's because they can't afford daycare on their normal middle class salaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

. . . says the college-educated person that made it a goal of marrying a rich man to provide for them.

I'm a new poster. To be clear, staying home with my kids is not about ME. it's about CHILDCARE. It's about providing my children with the absolute highest quality childcare available - a parent. it would be a cold day in hell before I leave one of my babies in some random daycare for 50 hours a week.

Sure, it's not about you.

I *love* posters like you PP, you clutch the pearls so tightly, you turn them to dust.

You care your preciousss babies, those working parents are just driving by 'random' daycares and dropping the kids at the curb.

babies...

You are completely right, my babies are precious. The most important thing in my life. If I had a job that was more important than they were (like , if I were
Taylor swift or something) AND had a another person in my life who could lactate and love them as much as my husband and I do, then I would keep working. My lame old job was not saving the world - I'm very confident that I chose correctly to quit my job To care for my family. I am also 100% sure I do a better job than any minimum wage caretaker currently in the daycare market.

To me

Is your husband's job more important to him than his kids are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another way to approach it is to ask what does the second income need to be to economically justify the second person working. Please keep in mind I said "economically" justify, I'm not questioning the emotional or psychological importance of working. You need to take into account, on an after tax basis, at least the the following: child care, transportation costs, other working costs etc. If child care includes a nanny you need to consider taxes and any benefits. After tax you can easily spend $40,000+ which means you need to gross about $65-70,000 (second income is taxed at higher marginal rate) to break even. The math will differ for different situations but the second income needs to be pretty large to cost justify it.

Childcare doesn't last forever. I have a short commute (7 miles, all in the suburbs). Foolish to look at the short term costs only.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

It all depends on what your expenses are. I have been a sahp for the past 14 years. We live a perfectly fine life, have been able to save for a generous retirement and for college for both our children on income between $150-$200k a year for the past 10 or so years. Our housing is about $2500 a month including mortgage/taxes/related insurances.

This was not a choice made because we wanted it. In fact, I may have uttered, "I will never be a sahm; it isn't for me. I am not made for it. I would be miserable" when DH was my fiancé. We preferred to have dual wohps, but life intervened. I quit after our youngest was hospitalized for the 3rd time in an 8 month period- it was one too many things and it was the pragmatic/practical choice. I went back when youngest was in school only to quit later when both of our children were diagnosed with special needs that required therapies and other time consuming things. Now, our youngest is off to college next fall and once he is settled and we know it has stuck, we are planning for DH to transfer to an overseas job for as long as we can -hopefully until his retirement (5ish years if all goes well). As a result, it looks like I will not be returning to paid work. It has taken a while, but I have adjusted to sah and I am at peace with it. While there are drawbacks, there are also benefits.

You have fully funded private college for both kids on a max of $200K a year, or did you mean you have saved some money to contribute for the kids' college educations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

. . . says the college-educated person that made it a goal of marrying a rich man to provide for them.

I'm a new poster. To be clear, staying home with my kids is not about ME. it's about CHILDCARE. It's about providing my children with the absolute highest quality childcare available - a parent. it would be a cold day in hell before I leave one of my babies in some random daycare for 50 hours a week.

How ignorant. You really think working parents leave their kids in a "random daycare"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

. . . says the college-educated person that made it a goal of marrying a rich man to provide for them.

I'm a new poster. To be clear, staying home with my kids is not about ME. it's about CHILDCARE. It's about providing my children with the absolute highest quality childcare available - a parent. it would be a cold day in hell before I leave one of my babies in some random daycare for 50 hours a week.

Good for you. I've never understood why the interests of the kids are always left out of these discussions. It all seems to revolve around finances, career advancement, having "me time" for the parents, how to outsource domestic life. There is never a debate about the most important issue - raising the children.

That is because dual WOHP families and families with a SAHP can raise children equally well, so it doesn't factor into the discussion.