s/o how much money do you need to make to provide for a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

And what happens when DD marries a man for money, only to be stuck in an abusive relationship with no back-up plan? Or DD's husband is permanently disabled? Or decides to leave DD for a hot, younger wife? Unless DD has a sizeable trust fund, she's screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

Defensive much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

Are you claiming by being a SAHM, you are a better parent than those that work? Sorry, trolling DCUM while you're "working" at home doesn't make you a good parent.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want my DH or myself to stay home unless one of us made seven figures. Otherwise it's not worth it to us to sacrifice career advancement opportunities and earning potential. We both like to be self sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want my DH or myself to stay home unless one of us made seven figures. Otherwise it's not worth it to us to sacrifice career advancement opportunities and earning potential. We both like to be self sufficient.

+1000

[Anonymous]

To OP: are you dating someone who wants to be a SAHP? Or is this just theoretical?

[Anonymous]

My DH would be fine if I decided to leave my GS-15 job to do something I'm passionate about. But quit work altogether just to be SAHM? . . . I don't think so. I'm pretty sure he would lose respect for me and I would start feeling bad about myself as well. Unless one or both of us were independently wealthy (i.e., trust fund which I'm aware a lot of folks on here have).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Come back and tell us how tired and stressed you are when both you and your wife work long inflexible hours, don't have time for your kids and your family is stressed. You are naive.

This is exactly the problem. Many lower middle class strivers come to high COL areas and do jobs they love or have an important mission, only to realize later they should have been chasing the $$$ if they want kids and TIME to see those kids.

OP this DH learned this lesson the hard way and my career is too advanced to change to make more lucrative. But you should tack now into and be more ambitious about income. I was so excited to make twice as much as my parents had ever made together, $80k... hah hah was so naive. Probably still naive because I really have no idea how people swing these $500k careers. But do wish I had investigated when I was younger and could take more risk.

OP - I did not come from a LMC background. Maybe my outlook is skewed because I was raised in a two income household. My mother still works because she loves her job and she is at the top of her field.

I am also clueless as to what these high-income individuals do for a living. I have friends working in numerous fields and none of them are raking in 250k+. In addition, there is little chance they ever will. Those jobs are difficult to come by. I cannot imagine just waltzing in to a job like that.

What schools did your friends go to?

Medical specialist, 5th year big law associate, high finance, 2-3years post MBA at MBB consulting - those are the four paths I know tons of late 20/early 30 people making 250k+

Did you go to a top school or tailgate state?

LMC DH here, I actually went to a top school (Ivy) but hung out with other science geeks and had no idea about income spectrum between highly educated scientists and engineers GS doctors, MBA, and never even heard of MBB.

And a parent staying home was easy back home, you can pick up an 80s home for $70k with seven schools. Just no jobs which was the catch I figured out too late

NP. My parents were poor Asian immigrants. I went to an ivy. Most of my friends went into law, medicine, management consulting and finance. I think most of us earned six figures at our first job. DH also grew up poor with Asian immigrant parents. We now have a seven figure income. Most all our friends earn high six figures. Many of our friends from school come from family money.

Not sure who you hung out with in college and grad school.

You parents were poor Asian immigrants who were smart and potentially educated enough to navigate emigrating from halfway across the world to provide for a better life. There are a lot of LMC students coming from rural backwaters and inner cities whose parents... are less adept.

We all worked hard, but our life had been consumed on how to get out of the sticks or the 'hood, and the plan beyond that we had no idea. We were not obsessed with earning money, which is kind of the driver for a lot of folks who go into law, finance, and management consulting (and to some degree medicine) -- but instead were geeks interested in deep understanding of how the universe worked or building something cool. But unless you stumbled into a tech bubble, these types tend to toil away underpaid at corporate, academic, or government labs. Which I think is similar to OP who is looking at a grad degree but never breaking $100k -- he is following his passion, and not realizing it really limits his options for a sane family life b/c both parents will need to work.

And PP, Asian immigrants children doing well is a cliche? But how many doctors or CEOs are from Appalachia or the inner city of Baltimore? There are a lot of factors at play here, but your story is well known, and you did not face quite as formidable obstacles as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Come back and tell us how tired and stressed you are when both you and your wife work long inflexible hours, don't have time for your kids and your family is stressed. You are naive.

This is exactly the problem. Many lower middle class strivers come to high COL areas and do jobs they love or have an important mission, only to realize later they should have been chasing the $$$ if they want kids and TIME to see those kids.

OP this DH learned this lesson the hard way and my career is too advanced to change to make more lucrative. But you should tack now into and be more ambitious about income. I was so excited to make twice as much as my parents had ever made together, $80k... hah hah was so naive. Probably still naive because I really have no idea how people swing these $500k careers. But do wish I had investigated when I was younger and could take more risk.

OP - I did not come from a LMC background. Maybe my outlook is skewed because I was raised in a two income household. My mother still works because she loves her job and she is at the top of her field.

I am also clueless as to what these high-income individuals do for a living. I have friends working in numerous fields and none of them are raking in 250k+. In addition, there is little chance they ever will. Those jobs are difficult to come by. I cannot imagine just waltzing in to a job like that.

What schools did your friends go to?

Medical specialist, 5th year big law associate, high finance, 2-3years post MBA at MBB consulting - those are the four paths I know tons of late 20/early 30 people making 250k+

Did you go to a top school or tailgate state?

LMC DH here, I actually went to a top school (Ivy) but hung out with other science geeks and had no idea about income spectrum between highly educated scientists and engineers GS doctors, MBA, and never even heard of MBB.

And a parent staying home was easy back home, you can pick up an 80s home for $70k with seven schools. Just no jobs which was the catch I figured out too late

NP. My parents were poor Asian immigrants. I went to an ivy. Most of my friends went into law, medicine, management consulting and finance. I think most of us earned six figures at our first job. DH also grew up poor with Asian immigrant parents. We now have a seven figure income. Most all our friends earn high six figures. Many of our friends from school come from family money.

Not sure who you hung out with in college and grad school.

You parents were poor Asian immigrants who were smart and potentially educated enough to navigate emigrating from halfway across the world to provide for a better life. There are a lot of LMC students coming from rural backwaters and inner cities whose parents... are less adept.

We all worked hard, but our life had been consumed on how to get out of the sticks or the 'hood, and the plan beyond that we had no idea. We were not obsessed with earning money, which is kind of the driver for a lot of folks who go into law, finance, and management consulting (and to some degree medicine) -- but instead were geeks interested in deep understanding of how the universe worked or building something cool. But unless you stumbled into a tech bubble, these types tend to toil away underpaid at corporate, academic, or government labs. Which I think is similar to OP who is looking at a grad degree but never breaking $100k -- he is following his passion, and not realizing it really limits his options for a sane family life b/c both parents will need to work.

And PP, Asian immigrants children doing well is a cliche? But how many doctors or CEOs are from Appalachia or the inner city of Baltimore? There are a lot of factors at play here, but your story is well known, and you did not face quite as formidable obstacles as you think.

The fact of the matter is that there are very very few grad degrees that will launch a 250k career. Even here in DC, the percentage of jobs that pay >250k is tiny. I don't understand how people can't get that through your head. You could be ivy educated with an MBA from NYU and still not realize that kind of payout. 95% of people are not graduating into six-figure jobs. That is why I think it is unfair to feel entitled to a spouse who makes that kind of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:500k + in a HCOL area like DC

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

Are you claiming by being a SAHM, you are a better parent than those that work? Sorry, trolling DCUM while you're "working" at home doesn't make you a good parent.

No stupid. I am not claiming anything. I am addressing the "sickening" comment from PP above..

I am not competing with WOHM. I am actually going back to work in a couple of years. And I have an aunt watching my babies right now while I "troll".

Do what works for you and stop judging other people's choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Come back and tell us how tired and stressed you are when both you and your wife work long inflexible hours, don't have time for your kids and your family is stressed. You are naive.

No he's not naïve. My husband and I have both worked full time since become parents 17+ years ago. Many people do it every day. Like anything else, once you get into a routine, it's not that tiring or stressful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Come back and tell us how tired and stressed you are when both you and your wife work long inflexible hours, don't have time for your kids and your family is stressed. You are naive.

This is exactly the problem. Many lower middle class strivers come to high COL areas and do jobs they love or have an important mission, only to realize later they should have been chasing the $$$ if they want kids and TIME to see those kids.

OP this DH learned this lesson the hard way and my career is too advanced to change to make more lucrative. But you should tack now into and be more ambitious about income. I was so excited to make twice as much as my parents had ever made together, $80k... hah hah was so naive. Probably still naive because I really have no idea how people swing these $500k careers. But do wish I had investigated when I was younger and could take more risk.

Lawyers and entrepreneurs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

Defensive much?

Nope. You? I am just stating the truth. You'd have to be a fool to fail to see how a mother doing what nannies or daycare providers do is somehow worthy of less respect than those nannies or daycare providers. And I am assuming that you respect nannies and daycare providers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the right woman, not that much.

If you meet the right woman and you both work your asses off and save for a couple of years, she can stay home or you can stay home while the kids are young.

In the greater scheme of things, marrying the right person is more important than having a stay at home parent.

My DH does not make enough for me to stay home indefinitely, but I have never met any other guy I would rather be with. And I would not want him working longer hours either so I could stay home. We are cheap and we get by now. I'll be back to work soon. We are very happy, and we would be very happy even if I went back to work 6 weeks after the birth of each of our children.

Staying at home is one of those things that works in a marriage that already works. It enhances a good marriage, but it does not create one.

I'm a great spouse. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would want to SAH. I married for love, not money. We saved our asses off before kids, but that only allowed us to buy a nice house in a good school district. DH makes 100k and it's not enough to allow either of us to SAH. We really struggle with making our lives function.

I just feel caught between a rock and a hard place. No flexibility for dh and I and we also don't make enough for one of us to SAH. Some days I wish I had married for money like a lot of my friends did.

Same here. We had no interest in having a SAHP until we were in the thick of it. Alternatively, if we both had part time jobs that would work fine. But good luck findign that!

Two part time jobs don't provide upward mobility or usually health insurance.