s/o how much money do you need to make to provide for a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

You actually know people who married guys they weren't in love with- for money?

[Anonymous]

To answer your question, OP, I SAHM in Bethesda and my husband makes $140K.

We are very happy with our work/life balance and relatively stress-free life. When I worked, I made only $40k, and it was very stressful having two parents working FT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Medical specialist, 5th year big law associate, high finance, 2-3years post MBA at MBB consulting - those are the four paths I know tons of late 20/early 30 people making 250k+

Did you go to a top school or tailgate state?

The pool of people making 250k+ is still exceedingly small. It may seem a bit bigger because odds are you live almost within that rarefied circle and such jobs will concentrate you to key markets in key cities where much of the income is eaten up by very high COL.

DH pulls in 300k but he's in his early 40s and it took him 20 years to get to this level, through both hard work and some luck. He's in the corporate world and has a quite senior role.

By the way, I am an Ivy graduate and I've seen the average incomes of graduates of my fine Ivy and it's well below 250k. Some of the most successful people I know are tailgate U graduates and they were phenomenal at sales or started their own businesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the right woman, not that much.

If you meet the right woman and you both work your asses off and save for a couple of years, she can stay home or you can stay home while the kids are young.

In the greater scheme of things, marrying the right person is more important than having a stay at home parent.

My DH does not make enough for me to stay home indefinitely, but I have never met any other guy I would rather be with. And I would not want him working longer hours either so I could stay home. We are cheap and we get by now. I'll be back to work soon. We are very happy, and we would be very happy even if I went back to work 6 weeks after the birth of each of our children.

Staying at home is one of those things that works in a marriage that already works. It enhances a good marriage, but it does not create one.

I'm a great spouse. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would want to SAH. I married for love, not money. We saved our asses off before kids, but that only allowed us to buy a nice house in a good school district. DH makes 100k and it's not enough to allow either of us to SAH. We really struggle with making our lives function.

I just feel caught between a rock and a hard place. No flexibility for dh and I and we also don't make enough for one of us to SAH. Some days I wish I had married for money like a lot of my friends did.

You bought into the "good district" pile of shit.

If you saved some and bought a house you could reasonable afford in a good school outside the beltway you would not have this problem. There are good schools in Germantown and Clarksburg with very affordable housing. And I bet that even with your husband's added commute, he will spend less hours away from home than most of the husbands of your friends who make 250K and above.

You can also take two years to get a bachelors in nursing and work night shifts. It will feel like staying at home. My aunt work 3 12 hour shifts and was home and rested in the afternoons when her kids came back from school. She easily makes 70K in addition to her husbands 100K, and see their parents as much as families with one stay at home parent does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Don't base your life choices of DCUM threads. You're an idiot if you are truly convinced, based on a few internet posts by strangers, that all woman aspire to be housewives and you have no choice but to support your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Come back and tell us how tired and stressed you are when both you and your wife work long inflexible hours, don't have time for your kids and your family is stressed. You are naive.

This is exactly the problem. Many lower middle class strivers come to high COL areas and do jobs they love or have an important mission, only to realize later they should have been chasing the $$$ if they want kids and TIME to see those kids.

OP this DH learned this lesson the hard way and my career is too advanced to change to make more lucrative. But you should tack now into and be more ambitious about income. I was so excited to make twice as much as my parents had ever made together, $80k... hah hah was so naive. Probably still naive because I really have no idea how people swing these $500k careers. But do wish I had investigated when I was younger and could take more risk.

OP - I did not come from a LMC background. Maybe my outlook is skewed because I was raised in a two income household. My mother still works because she loves her job and she is at the top of her field.

I am also clueless as to what these high-income individuals do for a living. I have friends working in numerous fields and none of them are raking in 250k+. In addition, there is little chance they ever will. Those jobs are difficult to come by. I cannot imagine just waltzing in to a job like that.

What schools did your friends go to?

Medical specialist, 5th year big law associate, high finance, 2-3years post MBA at MBB consulting - those are the four paths I know tons of late 20/early 30 people making 250k+

Did you go to a top school or tailgate state?

I disagree; it is very hard to find anything > than 220K with an Ivy League MBA....these jobs are hard to come by in DCUM. 200-220K base comp is a far more realistic compensation amount and yea...we can blame it on the economy. 350K a year (dual income) is a comfortable amount to scrape by in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

It depends on the woman. I am 35 and I know only 2 women who actually want to stay home. One does, one doesn't. Everyone else I know - myself included - wouldn't stay home unless we had no choice.

[Anonymous]

Three kids and a SAHM; 275k in Alexandria. It's not bad, plenty of money left for occasional toys and vacations. IRA always gets fully funded every year; if there was two of us working then I could really sock away some cash but as it is now I save around 10% per annum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the right woman, not that much.

If you meet the right woman and you both work your asses off and save for a couple of years, she can stay home or you can stay home while the kids are young.

In the greater scheme of things, marrying the right person is more important than having a stay at home parent.

My DH does not make enough for me to stay home indefinitely, but I have never met any other guy I would rather be with. And I would not want him working longer hours either so I could stay home. We are cheap and we get by now. I'll be back to work soon. We are very happy, and we would be very happy even if I went back to work 6 weeks after the birth of each of our children.

Staying at home is one of those things that works in a marriage that already works. It enhances a good marriage, but it does not create one.

I'm a great spouse. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would want to SAH. I married for love, not money. We saved our asses off before kids, but that only allowed us to buy a nice house in a good school district. DH makes 100k and it's not enough to allow either of us to SAH. We really struggle with making our lives function.

I just feel caught between a rock and a hard place. No flexibility for dh and I and we also don't make enough for one of us to SAH. Some days I wish I had married for money like a lot of my friends did.

Same here. We had no interest in having a SAHP until we were in the thick of it. Alternatively, if we both had part time jobs that would work fine. But good luck findign that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Come back and tell us how tired and stressed you are when both you and your wife work long inflexible hours, don't have time for your kids and your family is stressed. You are naive.

This is exactly the problem. Many lower middle class strivers come to high COL areas and do jobs they love or have an important mission, only to realize later they should have been chasing the $$$ if they want kids and TIME to see those kids.

OP this DH learned this lesson the hard way and my career is too advanced to change to make more lucrative. But you should tack now into and be more ambitious about income. I was so excited to make twice as much as my parents had ever made together, $80k... hah hah was so naive. Probably still naive because I really have no idea how people swing these $500k careers. But do wish I had investigated when I was younger and could take more risk.

OP - I did not come from a LMC background. Maybe my outlook is skewed because I was raised in a two income household. My mother still works because she loves her job and she is at the top of her field.

I am also clueless as to what these high-income individuals do for a living. I have friends working in numerous fields and none of them are raking in 250k+. In addition, there is little chance they ever will. Those jobs are difficult to come by. I cannot imagine just waltzing in to a job like that.

What schools did your friends go to?

Medical specialist, 5th year big law associate, high finance, 2-3years post MBA at MBB consulting - those are the four paths I know tons of late 20/early 30 people making 250k+

Did you go to a top school or tailgate state?

LMC DH here, I actually went to a top school (Ivy) but hung out with other science geeks and had no idea about income spectrum between highly educated scientists and engineers GS doctors, MBA, and never even heard of MBB.

And a parent staying home was easy back home, you can pick up an 80s home for $70k with seven schools. Just no jobs which was the catch I figured out too late

NP. My parents were poor Asian immigrants. I went to an ivy. Most of my friends went into law, medicine, management consulting and finance. I think most of us earned six figures at our first job. DH also grew up poor with Asian immigrant parents. We now have a seven figure income. Most all our friends earn high six figures. Many of our friends from school come from family money.

Not sure who you hung out with in college and grad school.

[Anonymous]

I started staying home when DH started earning 800k. I started considering it when he broke 500k but it took me 2 years to actually pull the trigger on quitting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

. . . says the college-educated person that made it a goal of marrying a rich man to provide for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

And what from the post tells you PP's parents did not stay home?