s/o how much money do you need to make to provide for a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can make it work after 150k+, you just have to live in the burbs.

How about live AND work in the burbs? Horrors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved to the sunbelt. I was making 150k, when wife was SAHM, money was fine. Now I make 300k, and in the sunbelt, with kids in public school, and low taxes we live like millionaires in DC.

Tricky part is getting job in sunbelt. Are you an attorney or doctor?

Dermatology P.A. There are tons of jobs in the sunbelt. Seems like everyone in Texas and Florida are hiring.

you send your kids to a public school in Texas or Florida? NFW would I do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Do you even have kids?? DH and I both wanted to work (and we do) but it was heartbreaking not having a choice between working and staying home.

No kids. I recently finished grad school and have been getting my career started in DC. But I do not realistically foresee my income increasing beyond low six figures. I guess I just didn't realize this was such a deal breaker for women this day in age.

Dude, don't be a drama queen. It is not a deal breaker for most women, esp. in DC. But most guy's who support a SAHM do it because it is a family decision to have the kids raised by a parent. They don't do it because of a desire to provide for someone or because it is a deal breaker for the wife.

Exactly. You just never know what issues may arise or how you both will actually feel once your child is a real thing. We were both ambitious, career driven professionals and were quite shocked by how strongly we suddenly felt the need to change both of our careers. It was unexpected to say the least.

Both parents choosing to downshift to family friendly positions (or even one parent going part-time) is not the same as one parent becoming a sahp.

One of us did SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Np here --- I find this thread interesting as it is bringing out the worst in folks competing for validation that they've made the "right" choice for their family. The grass is greener on the SAHM v work side -- I've been in both camps---

SAhm (2 years when kids young) - love being with kids, but exhausted and remembering what it was like to talk to grown ups and feel like I am not in sweats all the time; changes dynamic w DH for the worse as he walks all over me;

Part time (4 years) -- love being with kids and thrill of a paycheck; but become resentful that I am paid part time to then work full time;

Full time -- love the paycheck making almost 300k again and have pride of flexible job to be with kids after school then work again evening hours; travel a lot for work but FaceTime with kids; feel exhausted and wish I had time to take care of myself; but remember being SAHM and fear of never finding job again--- remember Sahm is temporary as kids go to college --- that is harder for Sahm than working moms I think

There are pros and cons but being sahm is much harder than working I think -- exhausting, no paycheck, love the kids but it's not like you get positive performance evaluations like you do at work -- hats off to the sahm I couldn't afford to do it and I don't think I would have chosen to do it jf I could ..... By the grass is greener and maybe because my kids are now 10+ needs have changed

I think the point of this rambling post is there is no one size fits all approach, my advice to younger people is that you can't have it all at once -- but you can have things in phases and find a career where you can mix it up -- gear up/ gear down --- if you do want to temporarily stay at home, chose a profession where you won't become outdated if you take a year or two off --- I am a lawyer and was able to do it - however I know doctors and teachers who took off years and never could find a job to "come back"....

Good luck everyone, it's so hard making these choices......there is no one size fits all....

You're right, I am a lawyer who never SAH. I don't make $300K either, I'm in house. Working with no gaps for 25 years worked for us, and now our youngest child is 15 and we don't have to wonder what to do with our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread is missing the reality. Reality is that if your wife makes 60k or less, it's often cheaper for her to SAH. Daycare is outrageous. The majority of people I know that are SAHMs are staying home because they are "kept women"- it's because they can't afford daycare on their normal middle class salaries.

Right and that's why I've told my daughters that they need to able to support a child and themselves alone before they have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved to the sunbelt. I was making 150k, when wife was SAHM, money was fine. Now I make 300k, and in the sunbelt, with kids in public school, and low taxes we live like millionaires in DC.

Tricky part is getting job in sunbelt. Are you an attorney or doctor?

Dermatology P.A. There are tons of jobs in the sunbelt. Seems like everyone in Texas and Florida are hiring.

you send your kids to a public school in Texas or Florida? NFW would I do that.

My kids school is A rated. Granted, we live in a wealthy area and parental involvment is greater than most private schools. If we were in a failing school district, I would pay for private, but I would do that whether in Tx or D.C.

Then again, I understand the D.C. bubble mentality, where people think anyone below the mason-dixon is a gap toothed ignorant redneck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By mistake, I read the other thread about all women aspiring to be housewives. Need to know what I'm working with here.

Why, what did you read in the other thread that concerned you?

Because I've never been driven by a desire to "provide" for someone. Am I in the minority?

Uh, no. I really hope you're not in the minority. My parents came to this country with three little girls under two so we could get educated, have careers, and NOT have to rely on a man to provide for them. Those posts are so sickening to me.

You fool. So when nannies/daycares raise kids, it is not sickening. But when mothers do it is..

Your parents did not do a good job of raising you. Maybe they should have both stayed home.

. . . says the college-educated person that made it a goal of marrying a rich man to provide for them.

I'm a new poster. To be clear, staying home with my kids is not about ME. it's about CHILDCARE. It's about providing my children with the absolute highest quality childcare available - a parent. it would be a cold day in hell before I leave one of my babies in some random daycare for 50 hours a week.

Good for you. I've never understood why the interests of the kids are always left out of these discussions. It all seems to revolve around finances, career advancement, having "me time" for the parents, how to outsource domestic life. There is never a debate about the most important issue - raising the children.

That is because dual WOHP families and families with a SAHP can raise children equally well, so it doesn't factor into the discussion.

Which has been proven by study after study, yet vehement SAHPs just...refuse...to...admit...it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this thread is missing the reality. Reality is that if your wife makes 60k or less, it's often cheaper for her to SAH. Daycare is outrageous. The majority of people I know that are SAHMs are staying home because they are "kept women"- it's because they can't afford daycare on their normal middle class salaries.

Right and that's why I've told my daughters that they need to able to support a child and themselves alone before they have children.

This is short-term thinking; the real cost is not the daycare cost -- but later on for the rest of their life they can't return to work again because skills obsolete potentially /// even working and spending all the money on daycare may be worth it if there are 15+ earning years left after kids go to college;

[Anonymous]

We were planning to do it on 50k. Small business took off and now we do it on ~130k. Business could go under any day; if it does, we'll be fine at 50k. Midswesterners here.

[Anonymous]

it all depends on the lifestyle and expectations.

I never thought about SAH before before but I am in a pretty limited field in terms of job opportunities (so specialized that there are just a few each year in the country at my level of experience), don't like my current job, and miss being around for my kids who are now in elementary. At the same time, I am anxious about putting the onus on DH and our financial future. He now earns 160k, and we could definitely do it on one salary (I make 120k) but we only just started making this money in the past couple years. Earlier we were making 120 total living in DC and barely scraping by with daycare, etc. And because neither of us made a lot when we were younger and had loans, etc, we have not built up a huge nest egg, so being able to max out retirement for the first time (we are in mid 40s and early 50s) is important. But theater major factor is my fear that if something happened to DH, I would not be able to find a decent job in the area, or it could take me a long time. Its very hard to leave the work force in my field and come back in at the same level. So for me, the answer is not a specific salary, its having the financial security or ability to get back into the job market even if the 'breadwinner' suddenly is incapacitated for one reason or another.

[Anonymous]

300k

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were planning to do it on 50k. Small business took off and now we do it on ~130k. Business could go under any day; if it does, we'll be fine at 50k. Midswesterners here.

Not sure how this applies to DC. You'd be on welfare here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We moved to the sunbelt. I was making 150k, when wife was SAHM, money was fine. Now I make 300k, and in the sunbelt, with kids in public school, and low taxes we live like millionaires in DC.

Tricky part is getting job in sunbelt. Are you an attorney or doctor?

Dermatology P.A. There are tons of jobs in the sunbelt. Seems like everyone in Texas and Florida are hiring.

you send your kids to a public school in Texas or Florida? NFW would I do that.

My kids school is A rated. Granted, we live in a wealthy area and parental involvment is greater than most private schools. If we were in a failing school district, I would pay for private, but I would do that whether in Tx or D.C.

Then again, I understand the D.C. bubble mentality, where people think anyone below the mason-dixon is a gap toothed ignorant redneck.

That would include DC because DC is below that line.

[Anonymous]

My husband works and I stay at home. He's military and makes about $80000 a year (about half of it is not taxed). We have free healthcare too. We rent and have a 10 month old. Things are tighter now but we are very comfortable!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were planning to do it on 50k. Small business took off and now we do it on ~130k. Business could go under any day; if it does, we'll be fine at 50k. Midswesterners here.

Not sure how this applies to DC. You'd be on welfare here.

Not sure where I said this applied to DC. Many posts throughout the thread are from folks who aren't local.