DD does not want to go to classmate's bday party because 'it looks lame'

[Anonymous]

Ssi wouldn't make my kid go, but I'd also check her attitude.

But, OP sounds like she's proud to be raising a mean girl. What can I say bitchy mom raises mean girl daughter.

[Anonymous]

Lots of grownup mean girls in this thread.

OP, you have an opportunity here. Your kid is still young enough not to know how to hide mean girl behavior from you. She told you the real reason - the clique decided it is boring and scorn worthy, so they're going to cut out this new girl who does things differently. Not only should you insist she goes, you should have her ask the new girl over for a welcome play date.

If your daughter is afraid of what her friends will say, it is time to teach her to stand up for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the girl is new, I'd have my daughter go. I'd talk about being polite and gracious, and also keeping an open mind about new experiences. I'd point out that different people have different ideas, and that it's up to your daughter to find whatever fun is to be had.

I agree

[Anonymous]

^^^ The issue is that OP said this was a social group decision by her daughter and her friends that "They" thought the party was lame.

OP also said this is a very small private school and that this girl is new.

So her daughter and her friends could feasibly constitute all of the girls in the class, or all the girls except for one or two. Obviously OPs daughters and friends are talking about this together at school if they collectively came up with the idea that the party was "too lame" for any of them to attend. These aren't adults making up their own mind or teens/preteens using technology to communicate outside of school.

Due to the age of these girls and the limitations to when they can talk to one another, this group decision of "too lame" must have occured when they were all together...during school, probably at recess or lunch and very likely in earshot of the new girl.

That is what the difference is.

Imagine how the new girl will feel the day of her party when none of her new classmates show up to her "too lame" birthday party.

Imagine how she probably already feels, since OPs daughter and friends most likely reached their "too lame" decision at school within earshot of this other kid.

I am not an invite everyone/go to every party & event type mom, but this one is a no brainer. These are 8 year old kids, still young enough for moms to gently guide them towards kindness, compassion and openess to new people and different things, and away from typical queen bee/mean girl behavior.

OP, what if your daughter was the new girl in a small private school, and the established pecking order snubbed your (very public) invitation and overture for friendship?

The answer to this one is pretty simple when you look at it this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

OP, this is an example of who your DD will be when she becomes an adult unless you teach her manners and kindness...and resiliency!

From the sounds of it, the parents are probably on a tight budget and they want to keep costs under control which I totally respect.

Back when we were kids, as a 3rd grader I would have thought this was a cool idea for a party.

Its not good manners to bring a group of kids to a library for a scavenger hunt. Its a quiet place, not a place for kids to run around. And, if the parent are on a tight budget McDonalds is not very cheap. It isn't rude, if a child is a vegetarian. The only thing my child could eat is a salad or pancakes and not all parents would buy a different meal or be ok with mine buying something different. The major food items, including potato items are meat or have meat byproducts.

They changed the fries recipe. No longer fried in meat oil or whatever it was. So there, your precious snowflake may deign to attend. God, no wonder the working class revolted.

Its not the oil.

[Anonymous]

OP- you should request this thread be deleted ASAP or you are being the mean girl. the party seems very identifiable by the info you gave and lots of people in this area read DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the girls is new to the school, I actually would make my daughter go. I'd also work on that mean streak she seems to be developing.

+1. This sounds like a family of lower SES trying to their best. And your DD sounds like she has the makings of growing into a monster.

+2. Your daughter already sounds like a mean girl and I guarantee she is only going to get worse. Have her attend, especially since this is a new kid and she may end up alone on her birthday because of other mean girls like your daughter.

[Anonymous]

I have a DD in 4th grade. Based on my experience, I can tell you there are plenty of cliques and mean girls behaviors as early as 1st grade. Lame is definitely in their vocabulary. Our 4th grade still has lots of all-class coed bday parties.

Unless she has already heard from her friends, I don't tell my daughter what the scheduled activity is -- I just ask her if she does or does not want to go to kid X's birthday party. That way, it's about whether she cares for the kid, not the activity. I definitely urge that she attend a new kid's party, or socially awkward kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That party actually does sound lame.

Yes!!!
I mean, we as grown ups don't say that, but that's what most of us think!

[Anonymous]

I hope you don't live in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of grownup mean girls in this thread.

OP, you have an opportunity here. Your kid is still young enough not to know how to hide mean girl behavior from you. She told you the real reason - the clique decided it is boring and scorn worthy, so they're going to cut out this new girl who does things differently. Not only should you insist she goes, you should have her ask the new girl over for a welcome play date.

If your daughter is afraid of what her friends will say, it is time to teach her to stand up for herself.

I agree entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is a lower income child reaching our for friends I would have a serious discussion with my kid about being kind.
If thats not the case I would not make them go if they didnt want to.

I assume not lower income as this is a private school, but the girl is new to the school this year. Class is also fairly small so that may explain inviting all.

Yes, your DD should attend. And if she says her friends are not attending, I think you should get in contact with the other mom's in the class. My own DD attends a small, private school and I have seen how difficult it can be for new girls joining the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

OP, this is an example of who your DD will be when she becomes an adult unless you teach her manners and kindness...and resiliency!

From the sounds of it, the parents are probably on a tight budget and they want to keep costs under control which I totally respect.

Back when we were kids, as a 3rd grader I would have thought this was a cool idea for a party.

Its not good manners to bring a group of kids to a library for a scavenger hunt. Its a quiet place, not a place for kids to run around. And, if the parent are on a tight budget McDonalds is not very cheap. It isn't rude, if a child is a vegetarian. The only thing my child could eat is a salad or pancakes and not all parents would buy a different meal or be ok with mine buying something different. The major food items, including potato items are meat or have meat byproducts.

And you sound like a major PITA parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

OP, this is an example of who your DD will be when she becomes an adult unless you teach her manners and kindness...and resiliency!

From the sounds of it, the parents are probably on a tight budget and they want to keep costs under control which I totally respect.

Back when we were kids, as a 3rd grader I would have thought this was a cool idea for a party.

Its not good manners to bring a group of kids to a library for a scavenger hunt. Its a quiet place, not a place for kids to run around. And, if the parent are on a tight budget McDonalds is not very cheap. It isn't rude, if a child is a vegetarian. The only thing my child could eat is a salad or pancakes and not all parents would buy a different meal or be ok with mine buying something different. The major food items, including potato items are meat or have meat byproducts.

And you sound like a major PITA parent.

+1 Who really thinks that this would be happening without the library okaying it ahead of time?

I'm not sure how many people plan 8 year old birthday parties with a vegetarian menu in mind. If I were raising a vegetarian, I would expect to send food in any party situation, similar to how I had to do for many years for my dc with lots of food allergies. But a vegetarian child really has nothing to do with the intent of this post, it's a tangent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the girl is new, I'd have my daughter go. I'd talk about being polite and gracious, and also keeping an open mind about new experiences. I'd point out that different people have different ideas, and that it's up to your daughter to find whatever fun is to be had.

This