DD does not want to go to classmate's bday party because 'it looks lame'

[Anonymous]

My DD is in third grade. Invite just arrived for a classmate we don't know well (think she invited the entire class). It is at a local library, think they will play games/have a scavenger hunt in the library then eat at the McDonald's next door. My DD said she doesn't want to go because the party is super lame and none of her friends are going.

Would you let your kid skip? I'm leaning towards saying no just because we don't know the kid but I don't want myDD to think she can skip out on things just because she seems them lame.

[Anonymous]

I would make her go. Normally, I don't force social situations on kids, but her reasoning sounds "lame."

I don't want my kids to be sheep. It sounds more like she's influenced by her friends than thinking for herself.

[Anonymous]

That's pretty lame of your kid to use the word "lame" and dismiss someone's party. It sounds like she's on the road to being a Mean Girl.

[Anonymous]

That party actually does sound lame.

[Anonymous]

I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

[Anonymous]

It's not nice to call a party lame, but by 3rd grade you can't choose their friends. Does the birthday child have her own friends? Did she invite everyone to only try to be nice? DS is in 3rd and we haven't seen an entire class birthday party in years. Your child shouldn't have to go to the party if she's not friends with the girl. That's a different reason than being friends with her and not liking the party venue.

[Anonymous]

I'd have a talk about the negative attitude but I'd let her skip on the party for two reasons: 1) If she's going to go with a bad attitude it might ruin the birthday girl's party; and 2) I don't think that kids should be made to go to random birthday parties if they don't want to. It's an invitation, not an obligation. Teach her how to decline with grace.

[Anonymous]

I think if it's a child who struggles socially, you should encourage attendance and an open mind. No idea if this is the case here but I'm getting that vibe.

Third grade is awful young for girl cliques and claiming things are lane.

[Anonymous]

Well calling a party lame in third grade is kinda mean. I would also worry that your daughter is calling the party lame at school.

Maybe the girls parents do not have a lot of money. I would not make her go but I would explain it is not nice to talk like that.

[Anonymous]

Unless there's a compelling reason they really should attend, I have always let my kids (now MS & HS age) choose which social commitments to accept. It's not alright to be rude to anyone, so I would caution her not to badmouth the party because that's unacceptable, but they also doesn't need to choose to spend their free time at an event or with a person unless they want to in most cases. I don't think most kids would want someone at their party who doesn't either want to be there, or enjoy their friendship enough to be happy to attend regardless of the activity. Mine wouldn't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd have a talk about the negative attitude but I'd let her skip on the party for two reasons: 1) If she's going to go with a bad attitude it might ruin the birthday girl's party; and 2) I don't think that kids should be made to go to random birthday parties if they don't want to. It's an invitation, not an obligation. Teach her how to decline with grace.

This. She doesn't have to go to a party she doesn't want to attend, but she does have to be polite and simply send her regrets without saying anything bad or rude.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't make a 3rd grader attend a party for someone she doesn't know well but I'd probably talk to her about manners and kindness. That does sound like a strange party but maybe the library has some sort of party setup where they play games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

The smell at McDonalds makes me queasy. However, while I generally don't have a problem letting kids decline birthday party invitations, it's the attitude that would bother me. I wouldn't want my daughter to be mean to her classmate, even if the party was truly horrible (which it most likely isn't.) Maybe I would have my daughter get the girl a present and say she's sorry she couldn't make it to the party. I don't know. Just any action that signals kindness.

The mean girl attitude would really bother me.

[Anonymous]

If this is a lower income child reaching our for friends I would have a serious discussion with my kid about being kind.
If thats not the case I would not make them go if they didnt want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is a lower income child reaching our for friends I would have a serious discussion with my kid about being kind.
If thats not the case I would not make them go if they didnt want to.

I assume not lower income as this is a private school, but the girl is new to the school this year. Class is also fairly small so that may explain inviting all.