DD does not want to go to classmate's bday party because 'it looks lame'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well calling a party lame in third grade is kinda mean. I would also worry that your daughter is calling the party lame at school.

Maybe the girls parents do not have a lot of money. I would not make her go but I would explain it is not nice to talk like that.

All talk and no action doesn't really send the message. Signed, learned that the hard way.

[Anonymous]

OMG. They are 3rd graders. A scavenger hunt at the library followed by a trip next door to McDonald's sounds like a perfectly appropriate birthday party.

I'll bet the kids will have fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That party actually does sound lame.

That's what I was thinking

[Anonymous]

What a little brat you are raising. Not attractive. Ugly on the inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? Have none of you PPs ever decided whether to go to an event that doesn't really interest you that much based on whether or not other friends of yours are going? Or privately told your spouse or friends not involved in the event that something you'd rather not go to sounds boring? I certainly have. People get to choose what invitations to accept. OP's DD would be mean if she said something rude to the classmate about the party, but I don't get why everyone is calling her a mean girl for telling her mother she doesn't want to go to a party that doesn't sound interesting where she isn't friends with many of the attendees.

People - such as grown-ups - people who know how to keep their mouths shut - get to do this. Not third-graders who might let "the real reason" slip out on the playground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the girl is new, I'd have my daughter go. I'd talk about being polite and gracious, and also keeping an open mind about new experiences. I'd point out that different people have different ideas, and that it's up to your daughter to find whatever fun is to be had.

Now you sound like a great mom. I hope you're in a profession where you have lots of interaction with kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the child is new,I would encourage my child to attend. It's hard to be the new kid. But honestly, my kids aren't mean. They would go and be nice even if they really didn't want to.

Weird, why spend time with people you don't specifically like (not that you dislike the classmate, but just that you don't like them enough to want to go to their party) doing something you don't want to do? Would your kids want people trying hard to pretend to be their friends just because they're new?

You sound like a peach. Are you a NY lawyer? My god, no wonder there are so many assholes around. Scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:honestly the party does sound super LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

social suicide for the kid, what are the parents thinking?

The parents are thinking that they'd like to invite the class to a party but all the other venues were booked up before they moved into the area. Or, maybe they can't afford $400 for the more popular venues. Or, maybe their child attended another party at the library and found it was actually pretty fun so she asked for the party to be there.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

OP, this is an example of who your DD will be when she becomes an adult unless you teach her manners and kindness...and resiliency!

From the sounds of it, the parents are probably on a tight budget and they want to keep costs under control which I totally respect.

Back when we were kids, as a 3rd grader I would have thought this was a cool idea for a party.

Its not good manners to bring a group of kids to a library for a scavenger hunt. Its a quiet place, not a place for kids to run around. And, if the parent are on a tight budget McDonalds is not very cheap. It isn't rude, if a child is a vegetarian. The only thing my child could eat is a salad or pancakes and not all parents would buy a different meal or be ok with mine buying something different. The major food items, including potato items are meat or have meat byproducts.

They changed the fries recipe. No longer fried in meat oil or whatever it was. So there, your precious snowflake may deign to attend. God, no wonder the working class revolted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it a strange party. How do you do a scavenger hunt at a library and keep kids quiet? Not everyone likes McDonalds - we only eat breakfast there. I would encourage her to go, but I wouldn't force it.

OP, this is an example of who your DD will be when she becomes an adult unless you teach her manners and kindness...and resiliency!

From the sounds of it, the parents are probably on a tight budget and they want to keep costs under control which I totally respect.

Back when we were kids, as a 3rd grader I would have thought this was a cool idea for a party.

Its not good manners to bring a group of kids to a library for a scavenger hunt. Its a quiet place, not a place for kids to run around. And, if the parent are on a tight budget McDonalds is not very cheap. It isn't rude, if a child is a vegetarian. The only thing my child could eat is a salad or pancakes and not all parents would buy a different meal or be ok with mine buying something different. The major food items, including potato items are meat or have meat byproducts.

I would expect they cleared the scavenger hunt with the library. Heck, maybe it's a fundraiser for the library.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the child is new,I would encourage my child to attend. It's hard to be the new kid. But honestly, my kids aren't mean. They would go and be nice even if they really didn't want to.

Weird, why spend time with people you don't specifically like (not that you dislike the classmate, but just that you don't like them enough to want to go to their party) doing something you don't want to do? Would your kids want people trying hard to pretend to be their friends just because they're new?

You sound like a peach. Are you a NY lawyer? My god, no wonder there are so many assholes around. Scary.

I guess we just have different opinions on what constitutes being an asshole. To me, parties and weekend socializing are for people/events that someone specifically really enjoys and wants to go to. Just because kids are classmates or adults are coworkers, they might get along fine when they meet but simply having a classroom or workplace in common doesn't automatically mean that everyone is someone you would want to go out of your way to socialize with. I'm an extreme introvert who prefers only a handful of close extremely genuine friends, and two of my three kids also tend to be fairly selective about what invitations they'll accept. However, and this is why I'm confused that you think I'm an asshole based on the above post, politeness is a must. There are only two ways it's acceptable to handle an invitation: accept enthusiastically or decline gracefully. I and my kids know this. Even if we chose not to go to this party (my two older kids would likely decline unless the birthday child was one of their closest friends), all we would say is something along the lines of "Thanks for the invitation but I won't be able to make it. Hope you have a great birthday!" Asshole?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the child is new,I would encourage my child to attend. It's hard to be the new kid. But honestly, my kids aren't mean. They would go and be nice even if they really didn't want to.

Weird, why spend time with people you don't specifically like (not that you dislike the classmate, but just that you don't like them enough to want to go to their party) doing something you don't want to do? Would your kids want people trying hard to pretend to be their friends just because they're new?

You sound like a peach. Are you a NY lawyer? My god, no wonder there are so many assholes around. Scary.

I guess we just have different opinions on what constitutes being an asshole. To me, parties and weekend socializing are for people/events that someone specifically really enjoys and wants to go to. Just because kids are classmates or adults are coworkers, they might get along fine when they meet but simply having a classroom or workplace in common doesn't automatically mean that everyone is someone you would want to go out of your way to socialize with. I'm an extreme introvert who prefers only a handful of close extremely genuine friends, and two of my three kids also tend to be fairly selective about what invitations they'll accept. However, and this is why I'm confused that you think I'm an asshole based on the above post, politeness is a must. There are only two ways it's acceptable to handle an invitation: accept enthusiastically or decline gracefully. I and my kids know this. Even if we chose not to go to this party (my two older kids would likely decline unless the birthday child was one of their closest friends), all we would say is something along the lines of "Thanks for the invitation but I won't be able to make it. Hope you have a great birthday!" Asshole?

Sorry but OPs daughter does not sound at all like a kid who is painfully shy and introverted.

Any 8 year old opting out of parties with the new girl because she and her friends have decided the party is, in her words, "too lame" is not an introvert...she is one of the "cool" kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really? Have none of you PPs ever decided whether to go to an event that doesn't really interest you that much based on whether or not other friends of yours are going? Or privately told your spouse or friends not involved in the event that something you'd rather not go to sounds boring? I certainly have. People get to choose what invitations to accept. OP's DD would be mean if she said something rude to the classmate about the party, but I don't get why everyone is calling her a mean girl for telling her mother she doesn't want to go to a party that doesn't sound interesting where she isn't friends with many of the attendees.

Because that is not what OPs daughter said.

OPs daughter said she and her posse have decided they do not want to go to the new girl's party because they collectively decided the party "looks lame."

We are atliing about eight year olds here. This is sixth grade behavior.

Yeah, and "lame" is 8 year old speak for anything vaguely undesirable, and in this instance it probably most nearly meant "boring" in more adult words. Most children do not express their thoughts in as accurate, nuanced, or careful way as most adults. Still not seeing the big deal, unless she said it to the birthday child.

"Lame" is not a word that third graders tend to use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the child is new,I would encourage my child to attend. It's hard to be the new kid. But honestly, my kids aren't mean. They would go and be nice even if they really didn't want to.

Weird, why spend time with people you don't specifically like (not that you dislike the classmate, but just that you don't like them enough to want to go to their party) doing something you don't want to do? Would your kids want people trying hard to pretend to be their friends just because they're new?

You sound like a peach. Are you a NY lawyer? My god, no wonder there are so many assholes around. Scary.

I guess we just have different opinions on what constitutes being an asshole. To me, parties and weekend socializing are for people/events that someone specifically really enjoys and wants to go to. Just because kids are classmates or adults are coworkers, they might get along fine when they meet but simply having a classroom or workplace in common doesn't automatically mean that everyone is someone you would want to go out of your way to socialize with. I'm an extreme introvert who prefers only a handful of close extremely genuine friends, and two of my three kids also tend to be fairly selective about what invitations they'll accept. However, and this is why I'm confused that you think I'm an asshole based on the above post, politeness is a must. There are only two ways it's acceptable to handle an invitation: accept enthusiastically or decline gracefully. I and my kids know this. Even if we chose not to go to this party (my two older kids would likely decline unless the birthday child was one of their closest friends), all we would say is something along the lines of "Thanks for the invitation but I won't be able to make it. Hope you have a great birthday!" Asshole?

Sorry but OPs daughter does not sound at all like a kid who is painfully shy and introverted.

Any 8 year old opting out of parties with the new girl because she and her friends have decided the party is, in her words, "too lame" is not an introvert...she is one of the "cool" kids.

Does her reason matter? She can decline if she wants to as long as she's polite to the birthday girl when she does it. If she happens to think it's lame, everyone is entitled to their opinion but there are some things you don't say to people if it'll be hurtful. She told her mother her exact reasons, but as long as she says something appropriate to her classmate when she answers the invitation I don't see anything wrong about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the child is new,I would encourage my child to attend. It's hard to be the new kid. But honestly, my kids aren't mean. They would go and be nice even if they really didn't want to.

Weird, why spend time with people you don't specifically like (not that you dislike the classmate, but just that you don't like them enough to want to go to their party) doing something you don't want to do? Would your kids want people trying hard to pretend to be their friends just because they're new?

You sound like a peach. Are you a NY lawyer? My god, no wonder there are so many assholes around. Scary.

I guess we just have different opinions on what constitutes being an asshole. To me, parties and weekend socializing are for people/events that someone specifically really enjoys and wants to go to. Just because kids are classmates or adults are coworkers, they might get along fine when they meet but simply having a classroom or workplace in common doesn't automatically mean that everyone is someone you would want to go out of your way to socialize with. I'm an extreme introvert who prefers only a handful of close extremely genuine friends, and two of my three kids also tend to be fairly selective about what invitations they'll accept. However, and this is why I'm confused that you think I'm an asshole based on the above post, politeness is a must. There are only two ways it's acceptable to handle an invitation: accept enthusiastically or decline gracefully. I and my kids know this. Even if we chose not to go to this party (my two older kids would likely decline unless the birthday child was one of their closest friends), all we would say is something along the lines of "Thanks for the invitation but I won't be able to make it. Hope you have a great birthday!" Asshole?

Sorry but OPs daughter does not sound at all like a kid who is painfully shy and introverted.

Any 8 year old opting out of parties with the new girl because she and her friends have decided the party is, in her words, "too lame" is not an introvert...she is one of the "cool" kids.

+1
Way to make this about you, introvert PP