How to get her back? "The one that got away" recently divorced w/ 2 DC, messaged me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Off topic, but wondering how a single 35 year-old man with no kids seeks out/finds the DC Urban Mom forum?

I'm a single 28-year-old woman with no kids. I found DCUM through the Real Estate section - best place ever to discuss home purchases. Gradually after a year over there I made my way into other sub-forums on the site gingerly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does being a past SAHM and being divorced from an abusive cheater make you a 'bag of needy' full of baggage, to be steered clear if?

Actually she sounds like a happy capable person. Already found a job & moved... And if OP who has had 10 years of comparison finds her 'more amazing', well great! Why are the dcum harpies getting peeved???

Well...because it comes down to finances.

Her two kids = two extra mouths to feed, cloth, and pay attention to. That and she doesn't have a history of supporting herself or her kids means that a SAHM in a situation like this would most likely revert to that same dependent behavior with a new husband. If that floats his boat, fine. If she's got a new job, even better. But he needed to go in with both eyes open.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry but you all are seriously underestimating the talent, education, etc of the ex. You don't easily get mommy tracked and re-enter the workforce at Microsoft.

[Anonymous]

The issue is not her being a former SAHM or divorced with kids. The issue is she's already admitted to being scared of being on her own and working after 10 years, valid emotions, but she ha a history of running to a relationship when one ends and things are tough.

This means there's a strong possibility she's using OP to avoid having to confront that fear and stand on her own two feet. That it's not love but convenience. Which is fine if that's what OP wants.

It's also possible her feelings good be genuine, and if that's the case they will still be true a year or two from now and OP can afford to slow things down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but you all are seriously underestimating the talent, education, etc of the ex. You don't easily get mommy tracked and re-enter the workforce at Microsoft.

OP didn't say what her role was. Microsoft has administrative assistants too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry but you all are seriously underestimating the talent, education, etc of the ex. You don't easily get mommy tracked and re-enter the workforce at Microsoft.

You do when your sister got you the job. But that's beside the point. She may be great. She still needs to be focusing on herself and the kids right now especially if it's true that their dad bad combat related mental illness. Not jumping back to her pre-marriage boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

LOL@OP and this whole thread! You met her what once after ten years and talked on FB with her and here you are, on DCUM, discussing how you are going to support her and her kids and whether she has a job, etc. I thought only women do it: go on only one or two dates and already think about the wedding!

[Anonymous]

I actually think when a man knows, he knows. He is thinking long term - not committing to anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think when a man knows, he knows. He is thinking long term - not committing to anything.

Lol. How wrong you are. If I had a dime or every man who knew I could buy myself the presidency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does being a past SAHM and being divorced from an abusive cheater make you a 'bag of needy' full of baggage, to be steered clear if?

Actually she sounds like a happy capable person. Already found a job & moved... And if OP who has had 10 years of comparison finds her 'more amazing', well great! Why are the dcum harpies getting peeved???

She is a pile of need because she seems to only want to be married. Leaves OP and it pregnant and married months later. Found a DH to support her for ten years and that blows up and how convenient she is now fishing for the ex who she knows is single. She hasn't even been divorced a year and she found someone as needy as she is--her ex!!

[Anonymous]

She might be needy but the OP is needy and insecure too. Billions of women in the world but apparently only one will do.

[Anonymous]

OP - take it slow and find out what she really wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does being a past SAHM and being divorced from an abusive cheater make you a 'bag of needy' full of baggage, to be steered clear if?

Actually she sounds like a happy capable person. Already found a job & moved... And if OP who has had 10 years of comparison finds her 'more amazing', well great! Why are the dcum harpies getting peeved???

She is a pile of need because she seems to only want to be married. Leaves OP and it pregnant and married months later. Found a DH to support her for ten years and that blows up and how convenient she is now fishing for the ex who she knows is single. She hasn't even been divorced a year and she found someone as needy as she is--her ex!!

She knew what she wanted and found it fast. So what? So it's her fault that her DH turned out to be a bipolar cheater?? Would that have changed if she had waited 3 or 5 years to marry him?

And where did she say she just wants to be married? And if she did and OP wanted to marry her, what's the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does being a past SAHM and being divorced from an abusive cheater make you a 'bag of needy' full of baggage, to be steered clear if?

Actually she sounds like a happy capable person. Already found a job & moved... And if OP who has had 10 years of comparison finds her 'more amazing', well great! Why are the dcum harpies getting peeved???

She is a pile of need because she seems to only want to be married. Leaves OP and it pregnant and married months later. Found a DH to support her for ten years and that blows up and how convenient she is now fishing for the ex who she knows is single. She hasn't even been divorced a year and she found someone as needy as she is--her ex!!

She knew what she wanted and found it fast. So what? So it's her fault that her DH turned out to be a bipolar cheater?? Would that have changed if she had waited 3 or 5 years to marry him?

And where did she say she just wants to be married? And if she did and OP wanted to marry her, what's the problem?

Folks I think the ex has found DCUM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does being a past SAHM and being divorced from an abusive cheater make you a 'bag of needy' full of baggage, to be steered clear if?

Actually she sounds like a happy capable person. Already found a job & moved... And if OP who has had 10 years of comparison finds her 'more amazing', well great! Why are the dcum harpies getting peeved???

She is a pile of need because she seems to only want to be married. Leaves OP and it pregnant and married months later. Found a DH to support her for ten years and that blows up and how convenient she is now fishing for the ex who she knows is single. She hasn't even been divorced a year and she found someone as needy as she is--her ex!!

She knew what she wanted and found it fast. So what? So it's her fault that her DH turned out to be a bipolar cheater?? Would that have changed if she had waited 3 or 5 years to marry him?

And where did she say she just wants to be married? And if she did and OP wanted to marry her, what's the problem?

Her divorce has been finalized less than a month. There's no justification for moving this fast.
Also, the ex may or may not be a bipolar cheating abuser. I would take with a large grain of salt what any just-divorced person, man or woman, has to say about their ex especially when it's stuff that by default paints them in a rather flattering "none of this was any of my fault" light.