DH bender on a work trip. How big of a deal do I make this?

[Anonymous]

I do not understand what ypu are upset about. A lot of adults drink. In some lines of work, drinking is almost expected on work trips or work social outings.

I can see if he was home watching the baby why you would be upset, but I do not get this being upset at him drinking when he is away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I think my DH has been that drunk twice in the 20 years I've known him. I would be concerned, especially about the pattern of alcohol abuse. If something ever happened to you or the baby he shouldn't be so drunk he couldn't help. Surprised at all the folks who think this is normal.

A few times a year is not a pattern of alcohol abuse. He was out of town. He could not help regardless of what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm pretty amazed by all the people who say don't worry about it. It's time for this 44 year old to grow up and stop behaving like a frat boy. He's a husband and a father. When I was about his age and with three young children I remember getting drunk and my wife writing me a long handwritten letter (no text!!) reminding me of my responsibilities to her and our kids. That was 20 years ago and I still have the letter. Not that I've been a saint since then but I took her letter to heart. Drinking too much is dangerous for yourself and others. And, when the child id older it can set a bad example. We all like to have a good time but getting drunk doesn't usually lead to a better time....jst a really bad hangover.

You obviously never spent any time with frat boys if you think tying one on once every 3 or 4 months is frat boy behavior. To each their own and I'm not going to judge you for making the decision you made the same way you should judge this guy for going off the reservation a couple times per year.

OP - be careful. You can push to far and make him feel like he has to hide it from you. I've seen guys who are married to women that count their drinks and treat them like a child. It's not beneficial to the relationship and it impacts children of the relationship.

Besides, if I was 44 and had a 6 mo old, I'd been drinking heavily too (jk)

[Anonymous]

Jesus, chill out.

[Anonymous]

I'm glad I could be helpful in my commiseration, OP! Coping with this kind of anxiety will require him to make some adjustments on your behalf, but the real work will come from you. And when you get discouraged please remember that you will have these same debilitating fears when your child is old enough to be out of your sight - yikes! You deserve to be in a better place, more at peace, so normal separations in life don't cause you so much pain. I really did receive a PTSD protocol (12 sessions) -designed for veterans- to cope with the trauma of receiving that phone call all those years ago (covered by my crappy insurance even). It wasn't easy going through it, but I would recommend it enthusiastically as a way of reclaiming a life that isn't bogged down in terrible "what ifs" that feel immediately real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am livid. We have a 6 month old, and the fact that I couldn't reach him for several hours is unacceptable to me.

This does not make you look good, and not just because it is crazy and controlling. You are saying that you are so helpless and incompetent and incapable as a mother that you can't care for your baby for three hours straight without assistance from your husband.

I don't think OP meant she needed help, just that with such a small baby she expects DH to be reachable *just in case*

I'm also a PP who said calm down, this is fine, he was out of town, for the record!

In case of what? She's an adult. If the baby is sick, he won't be less sick because she can reach him. OP lacking some grown up skills and concentrating on the wrong thing.

[Anonymous]

Wow OP. You need to chill out in a major way. This isn't a big deal, but your reaction is such a relationship killer. Nothing like making your sweetie feel terrible for having fun!

[Anonymous]

I think this is pretty typical guy behavior - my dh does ties one on regularly if we go out and so do all of my friends dhs - the bender full blown weekend happens once a year when he goes to Vegas w his guy friends - he's relatively untraceable but we check in once a day

[Anonymous]

You knew this about him before you decided to have a baby with him, right?

[Anonymous]

If my 40 year old DH got wrecked on a business trip? Nope. Wouldn't be okay with it. It would bother me, because that shit is embarrassing. Being a lush is not the sort of thing he needs to project for work, for one.

FWIW, We drink every now and then, mostly beer and wine, and the amount and frequency is similar to yours.

[Anonymous]

OP said she changed her mind. Lay off her. Anxiety sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my 40 year old DH got wrecked on a business trip? Nope. Wouldn't be okay with it. It would bother me, because that shit is embarrassing. Being a lush is not the sort of thing he needs to project for work, for one.

FWIW, We drink every now and then, mostly beer and wine, and the amount and frequency is similar to yours.

Thanks Mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If my 40 year old DH got wrecked on a business trip? Nope. Wouldn't be okay with it. It would bother me, because that shit is embarrassing. Being a lush is not the sort of thing he needs to project for work, for one.

FWIW, We drink every now and then, mostly beer and wine, and the amount and frequency is similar to yours.

Thanks Mom

You're welcome. Did you apply to that job yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said she changed her mind. Lay off her. Anxiety sucks.

+1 glad she had a change of heart. Stay strong OP, babies can make us even more irrational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am livid. We have a 6 month old, and the fact that I couldn't reach him for several hours is unacceptable to me.

This does not make you look good, and not just because it is crazy and controlling. You are saying that you are so helpless and incompetent and incapable as a mother that you can't care for your baby for three hours straight without assistance from your husband.

I think what she's trying to say is -- what if there was an emergency and she needed to get a hold of him? I'd be so pissed if my DH was not reachable and I had to, for example, take the baby to the ER. Wouldn't you? Sorry, but I'm in OP's camp here.