I'm a female sex addict in recovery...ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure the behavior yout listed is indicative of sex addiction. Sounds like you're just an attention whore with low self-esteem.

Sex Addicts Anonymous disagrees and would say my insecurity and need for attention and validation were my character defects that facilitated my addiction. Step 5 and 6.

NP. Is sex addiction really just a term for people who act out sexually due to insecurity and need for attention/validation, as opposed to acting out by doing other things? Or is there something actually addictive about the act itself, in the same way that alcohol is physically addicting? In other words, if you satisfied your insecurity and need for attention/validation by simply flirting incessantly or being a cruel gossip (sorry if these are inapt, just trying to think of other ways these character traits might manifest), you wouldn't be a sex addict, but you would still have the same underlying issues. Or do you think you'd be a sex addict no matter what? And are there sex addicts who don't feature character defects that facilitate the addiction, but are addicted nevertheless? These aren't necessarily personal to you but I am curious. Thanks.

What is the difference between being a sex addict and being promiscuous? I am asking in all sincerity because I am not sure if I am a sex addict. I think maybe I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you look back fondly on any of the encounters when you were acting out? Are there any partners that you're happy to have been with?

I don't think so. There is one guy who I emailed with for three years but never met. I do miss him sometimes. I sometimes miss the "comfort" I got from those connections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who I suspect is a sex addict. She was abused as a child. She is divorced, and has had sex with more men in the past six months than I have in my entire life. She has put herself in potentially physically dangerous situations with complete strangers, leaves work to have sex with random men, sends nude photos of herself to men she barely knows. There is more, but some of it might identify her to people she knows.
I am very, very worried about her physical and emotional health. She gets very defensive whenever I try to broach the subject, or suggest she is out of control. OP, did any of your friends know about your acting out? Is there anything any of them could have said to get you to stop?

My husband was the first person to broach the subject with me. It wasn't only a few years after that I accepted that as my reality. I told so many lies to so many of my friends that I did not give them the chance to help me. One friend who only knew about half of my affairs finally told me I had a problem.

[Anonymous]

OP have you watched Fleabag on Amazon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure the behavior yout listed is indicative of sex addiction. Sounds like you're just an attention whore with low self-esteem.

Sex Addicts Anonymous disagrees and would say my insecurity and need for attention and validation were my character defects that facilitated my addiction. Step 5 and 6.

NP. Is sex addiction really just a term for people who act out sexually due to insecurity and need for attention/validation, as opposed to acting out by doing other things? Or is there something actually addictive about the act itself, in the same way that alcohol is physically addicting? In other words, if you satisfied your insecurity and need for attention/validation by simply flirting incessantly or being a cruel gossip (sorry if these are inapt, just trying to think of other ways these character traits might manifest), you wouldn't be a sex addict, but you would still have the same underlying issues. Or do you think you'd be a sex addict no matter what? And are there sex addicts who don't feature character defects that facilitate the addiction, but are addicted nevertheless? These aren't necessarily personal to you but I am curious. Thanks.

What is the difference between being a sex addict and being promiscuous? I am asking in all sincerity because I am not sure if I am a sex addict. I think maybe I am.

Sex addiction is often denied as continuing to engage in progressively risky sexual behavior despite adverse consequences. I think promiscuity can overlap with sex addiction. You could always try going to a sex addicts anonymous meeting and listen to the others sharing.

[Anonymous]

Should say *defined not denied

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ever get paid?

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure the behavior yout listed is indicative of sex addiction. Sounds like you're just an attention whore with low self-esteem.

Sex Addicts Anonymous disagrees and would say my insecurity and need for attention and validation were my character defects that facilitated my addiction. Step 5 and 6.

NP. Is sex addiction really just a term for people who act out sexually due to insecurity and need for attention/validation, as opposed to acting out by doing other things? Or is there something actually addictive about the act itself, in the same way that alcohol is physically addicting? In other words, if you satisfied your insecurity and need for attention/validation by simply flirting incessantly or being a cruel gossip (sorry if these are inapt, just trying to think of other ways these character traits might manifest), you wouldn't be a sex addict, but you would still have the same underlying issues. Or do you think you'd be a sex addict no matter what? And are there sex addicts who don't feature character defects that facilitate the addiction, but are addicted nevertheless? These aren't necessarily personal to you but I am curious. Thanks.

Many of us sex addicts do get a "high" or a "rush" when acting out. As the disease progresses your acting out needs to get more extreme to maintain that rush.

[Anonymous]

What is your sex life with your husband like? Both now and in.the past?

[Anonymous]

Were you the initiator of the sexual encounters? How did you initiate it, especially if it was a coworker where it starts off platonic?

[Anonymous]

I'm no where near a perfect mother of my two children but I have a very difficult time understands how, with three young children, you had time and energy to have this addiction. And then throw in a lawyer job? Did your children never see you? When you were with them were you "present"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not sure the behavior yout listed is indicative of sex addiction. Sounds like you're just an attention whore with low self-esteem.

Sex Addicts Anonymous disagrees and would say my insecurity and need for attention and validation were my character defects that facilitated my addiction. Step 5 and 6.

NP. Is sex addiction really just a term for people who act out sexually due to insecurity and need for attention/validation, as opposed to acting out by doing other things? Or is there something actually addictive about the act itself, in the same way that alcohol is physically addicting? In other words, if you satisfied your insecurity and need for attention/validation by simply flirting incessantly or being a cruel gossip (sorry if these are inapt, just trying to think of other ways these character traits might manifest), you wouldn't be a sex addict, but you would still have the same underlying issues. Or do you think you'd be a sex addict no matter what? And are there sex addicts who don't feature character defects that facilitate the addiction, but are addicted nevertheless? These aren't necessarily personal to you but I am curious. Thanks.

Not OP, but it may be easier to think of sex addiction like you would gambling addiction, rather than a chemically addictive substance like alcohol or drugs. Sex addiction involves compulsion (which many sex addicts fight to resist), shame and guilt. Sex addicts engage in risky behavior despite adverse consequences (financial, professional, legal, health, relationships, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Can I ask what you "got" out of these encounters? Was it just the "blotting out of bad feelings" thing? Or was there something specific to the sexual expression of it?

Did you watch a lot of porn? Would you get turned on by men on the street? How would you feel after the sexual encounters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I want to echo the PP who offered the encouragement. Sex addiction is tough. I'm a therapist and have worked with my share of sex addicts and people sexually acting out. Keep working your program and stay strong. I'm rooting for you!

No one has to take responsibility for their behavior. Sex addicts, dope, alcohol, food. I am so sick of these excuses. We need to go back to taking responsibility for our lives.

[Anonymous]

I dated someone with sex addiction...it's very sad. After all the he pain he caused me, years later he tries to get me to help him cheat on his girl. He constantly pushed the limits of sex.

I'm glad you got help, but now your husband needs both help and for you to repair the trust