My son's wife does not work.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: Look I really am not trying to attack her. She has done so much for my son. He's no longer a pot head because of her, she found him his current job when he was unhappy with his last, she took care of everything involved in buying their current house. He is in a very good place because of her and they both seem very happy together. I just don't get why she doesn't work. I'm also not the pp complaining about no grand kids, I already have grand kids through my other son. I don't understand why they don't want kids, but I'm not playing the I will never have grand kids card. I just don't want my son to support someone for the rest of his life.

I think you need to re-examine the intent behind your feelings. So many moms say your same story 'I'm just worried for my son' but that's a lie they tell themselves to justify they can't stand losing their son's sole attention. Your son has found love and happiness with someone and yet you can't be happy for him, why? Likely because you can't bring yourself to see him as a grown man, because it means letting go of you being the most important person in his world. You can't handle the adjustment to treating your son as an adult. This would also explain why you failed at raising your son to be a grown man. She had to do that work for you. You should frankly be down on your knees thanking her for this. It's a little sad for him, because his mom is too selfish to be happy for him, and that causes him such sadness, I bet. But he will choose her over you because, luckily, you didn't screw him up that badly. So mostly it's sad for you, because you are trapped in the past and refuse to get to know and respect the grown man your son has become, which means respecting the decisions and life he enjoys.

[Anonymous]

She does have a job. She is a life coach/head hunter and she has one client.

[Anonymous]

Your DIL is an idiot but she is young. Maybe she will change or your son will find a new wife.

[Amazin]

Your son is in a much better place since he met her. That's all that's important. Don't screw things up by interfering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here: Look I really am not trying to attack her. She has done so much for my son. He's no longer a pot head because of her, she found him his current job when he was unhappy with his last, she took care of everything involved in buying their current house. He is in a very good place because of her and they both seem very happy together. I just don't get why she doesn't work. I'm also not the pp complaining about no grand kids, I already have grand kids through my other son. I don't understand why they don't want kids, but I'm not playing the I will never have grand kids card. I just don't want my son to support someone for the rest of his life.

First, you don't need to "get" why she doesn't work. And you don't need to understand why they don't want kids. And it sounds like this woman has given your son plenty of support, and spends a great deal of time and energy taking care of him. It also doesn't matter that you don't want your son to support her for the rest of his life. Your opinion does not matter, unless you are directly asked. If they are happy, be grateful that your son found a woman who has been so good for him.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god just leave the happy people alone. Jesus Christ.

[Anonymous]

myob.

now, to be frank, if I were you, I would have similar concerns. because i can't imagine not wanting to be able to support myself. but I would smush those concerns into a little ball in the pit of my stomach and try to be a good mother and mother-in-law instead of trying to fix my DIL. not your marriage, not your business. you don't know what else might be going on with them.

[Anonymous]

BUTT. OUT.

[Anonymous]

OP, what bothers you the most? Are they financially secure or are they struggling and asking you for $$$? If neither, let it go. I too not a fan of non-working able-bodied women BUT if it works in THEIR family, I don't give a damn. As soon as you start asking me to help you financially, I will bring up that your wife could get a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me start by saying that I do not dislike my daughter-in-law, she has been wonderful for my son and really helped him get his life together. He was in a pretty bad place when they met, but over the last 7 years she has helped him become a completely different person. He is so much more confident now and has found a job that he loves in a field that he excels at, he's happy now. My issue is that she doesn't work. They don't have kids and my son says they don't plan to. She is 27 and he is 34. She seems to be very bright and she's a nice person who seems very capable, I just don't understand why she doesn't work. I know she's had the occasional part time job, and she does volunteer some. She did work when they first met and I think she supported them to begin with. She doesn't appear to have any plans to go back to school. When I talk to my son I can't say ANYTHING negative about her or he gets upset. I guess I am just worried about them long term. I just don't understand how can he be alright with supporting her the rest of her life. This is just a vent. I know there isn't much I can do.....right?

What is it with these threads where they describe someone in glowing terms then throw out a meaningless negative, at least negative in their mind, and see support.

Oh, and the supporting her thing...LMAO

And the not much I can do, not a damn thing where their concerned since you are the one with the problem.

[Anonymous]

OP:
I know 3 men professionally who have SAHWs who have no kids and we are all at an age where they will not have kids.

1 has an MFA and is an artist, even sells some art, occasionally.
1 trains dogs so runs a small business
1 seems to not do anything but does manage him.

All 3 of these guys are jerks. I just happen to be able to work well with them...one's a CEO, one's a EVP and one SVP.

I suspect that I work well with them because I earned their respect and look past their jerkness to see what value they can bring to my work. I suspect that their wives manage them, their lives, their friendships, and keep them to keep as cool as they can keep.

The are life coaches to these men. They've all been together about 20yrs (married in early 30s, all late 40s now, or 50).

This is not your life and I will admit that it is odd, uncommon but it's a choice people make.

To stay in your son's life, you have to take the advice above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some men get a huge psychic lift by being the sole provider. Mine does. He likes me to just take care of him and the kids. I choose to work part-time, but he would definitely support me for the rest of my life. For DH (and maybe your son too?) this is what marriage means.

My DH is the same. He would be supportive either way, but much prefers me being at home. And honestly, our home runs smoother with me taking care of it full time. Our kids are grown. My DH works. I SAH and take care of everything. His life is easier because all he has to worry about is his job. My life is easier because all I have to worry about is our home. We can easily travel because we only have his schedule to work around. It works really well for us.

[Anonymous]

Having a SAHW taking care of all his life logistics may help your son focus on work and rise higher in his car than he could alone. Maybe he's lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having a SAHW taking care of all his life logistics may help your son focus on work and rise higher in his car than he could alone. Maybe he's lucky.

Car = career. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

All you bitches dumping on the OP should stop thinking of yourselves as daughters-in-law, and start thinking of yourselves as mothers of sons. Some of you have boys? Yes? They will grow up one day.

If you say you're perfectly fine with not having grandchildren, you're lying.

If you say you're perfectly fine with your son not having kids, you're lying.

If you say you're perfectly fine with your son having half as much money as he could, you're lying.