Bathroom at school: teacher said no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I miss the part where the kid pooped her pants? Actually pooped? If your kid feels poop coming out, and doesn't ring the emergency bell, I dare say her mother needs to teach her not to be treated like a doormat. And if it is the more ghastly and emergent diarrhea then why is she in school if she's sick? Either way that's a parental fail.

This is about preparing your child in advance. Teach your child what to do to advocate for themselves in your absence. Give them life skills. Kindergarten and first grade is not too young. There is an "emergency" out for this very reason. Teach them not to wait until the last minute (this you can practice endlessly at home) and teach them to tell the teacher they are about to have an accident.

You missed the part where the elementary aged child peed her pants after having an authority figure tell her no twice.

But I didnt. There's an emergency out. Kid didn't use it. Parent fail. Teach your kids to stand up for themselves!

Requiring a kid to use a special word to be allowed to use them bathroom when they have asked twice is a dick move. Complete and total teacher fail.

Totally agree. Which is why if you don't prepare your kid to deal with it then it' crosses over to a parent fail. There are aholes in all walks of life. Even elementary school. Our job as parents is to give them the confidence to stand up to adults in certain situations and this is clearly one. Op said this happened once already. That's the point where to put it more "sensitively", the opportunity was missed. that was the teachable moment. Because there are loser jerk teachers and bosses all throughout life. Mommy can't always defend you or get you a new nice teacher. You gotta deal. You need skills. You need a plan. That's the parents job and why no, it isn't a complete and total teacher fail.

This is ridiculous. Who has time to teach their kids what to do if they need to pee and aren't allowed to use the restroom? What else should we be imagining they may face, to prepare them in advance for handling?

We have a similar teacher. Won't allow kids to go to the bathroom or to the nurse or to drink water. I spoke with the school and said my DC has my permission. They hate me now but -- so what.

Thank you. Pp seems to be an expert in parenting, school culture, child psychology and God only knows what else. I bet her children are walking on eggshells around her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. I'm really sorry that happened. She should know to say that it's an emergency if it is, though, especially if the schools policy is twice a day. I am a middle school teacher so it's a bit different, and sometimes students claim "emergency" when it's not. A teacher may say not right now and not know it's an emergency. I agree with the walking out if it's a true emergency.

I will never forget when I was in second grade and a classmate was denied going to the bathroom. She was wearing a dress and stockings, made a big triangle by spreading her legs and just peed all over the floor.

No. It's not the schools policy to have two bathroom breaks a day, and even if it was, that's bs. A good teacher would stand up for the students right to use the toilet when they need to. What's so important that kids should have to "hold it in" until class bathroom break? Nothing is. How about you only get two bathroom breaks a day? Wouldn't like that, would you?

Well, except that isn't quite a fair comparison. Two breaks in an entire day? Go before school. School starts at 9:10. Lunch room at 11:35. A bathroom break in between and at lunch. So the MAX is that you would hold it about an hour if you went around 10:15. Then after lunch/recess, you get another bathroom break between 12:30-3:30 when school is over. So by my count, at any given time the most you'd have to hold it is about an hour or so.

So I'd say if the kid pees her pants in the morning, before the first break, its probably mom's fault for making sure she didn't go right before school. And if she pees in the afternoon, it is the teacher's fault for not insisting everyone use the bathroom when they have the chance.

+1

Not every trip to the restroom should be an emergency. Children should be taught how to void their bladder, bearing down three times at the end to ensure that it is empty. They also should be taught to stretch their bladder. Pediatrician Dr. T. Berry Brazelton advised a method to help with this, specifically for children with bed-wetting problems. You give a child a canned drink (preferably a very rare treat as it was in our home), then you have the child wait to go until s/he was literally dancing around. The bladder, like the stomach, will expand to a certain extent.

I believe that too many kids think that they have to go at the first urge, when in reality, it can wait a little while longer. Of course, school is not the best place to learn this, but parents don't usually see bladder expansion training as part of their duty in teaching their child how to adapt to the world, rather than expecting the world to accommodate their child. I taught my children to go at scheduled times, ask permission only when they couldn't wait, and then politely excuse themselves to the restroom and go to the office afterwards if necessary. I never heard anything about it, so I imagine that if they had to follow my advice, it went fine at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I miss the part where the kid pooped her pants? Actually pooped? If your kid feels poop coming out, and doesn't ring the emergency bell, I dare say her mother needs to teach her not to be treated like a doormat. And if it is the more ghastly and emergent diarrhea then why is she in school if she's sick? Either way that's a parental fail.

This is about preparing your child in advance. Teach your child what to do to advocate for themselves in your absence. Give them life skills. Kindergarten and first grade is not too young. There is an "emergency" out for this very reason. Teach them not to wait until the last minute (this you can practice endlessly at home) and teach them to tell the teacher they are about to have an accident.

You missed the part where the elementary aged child peed her pants after having an authority figure tell her no twice.

But I didnt. There's an emergency out. Kid didn't use it. Parent fail. Teach your kids to stand up for themselves!

Requiring a kid to use a special word to be allowed to use them bathroom when they have asked twice is a dick move. Complete and total teacher fail.

Totally agree. Which is why if you don't prepare your kid to deal with it then it' crosses over to a parent fail. There are aholes in all walks of life. Even elementary school. Our job as parents is to give them the confidence to stand up to adults in certain situations and this is clearly one. Op said this happened once already. That's the point where to put it more "sensitively", the opportunity was missed. that was the teachable moment. Because there are loser jerk teachers and bosses all throughout life. Mommy can't always defend you or get you a new nice teacher. You gotta deal. You need skills. You need a plan. That's the parents job and why no, it isn't a complete and total teacher fail.

This is ridiculous. Who has time to teach their kids what to do if they need to pee and aren't allowed to use the restroom? What else should we be imagining they may face, to prepare them in advance for handling?

We have a similar teacher. Won't allow kids to go to the bathroom or to the nurse or to drink water. I spoke with the school and said my DC has my permission. They hate me now but -- so what.

Thank you. Pp seems to be an expert in parenting, school culture, child psychology and God only knows what else. I bet her children are walking on eggshells around her.

I am willing to bet that PP doesn't actually have children. Even if they say they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And my daughter peed her pants. She asked to use the bathroom and wasn't allowed. She tried holding it but wound up peeing her pants. Why do teachers do this? I called the school to make sure my daughter told the truth, spoke to the teacher and was told that there are two bathroom breaks per day and if they need to go when it's not a bathroom break then they must declare that it's an emergency. Unbelievable.

This is true. I hear it from my prek3 and 1st grade kids. Also they dont get chances to drink water. My younger daughter has had many pee accidents, and my older one suffer constipation and gets bad stomach aches. She needs to drink more, and when she needs to go, she really must go...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And my daughter peed her pants. She asked to use the bathroom and wasn't allowed. She tried holding it but wound up peeing her pants. Why do teachers do this? I called the school to make sure my daughter told the truth, spoke to the teacher and was told that there are two bathroom breaks per day and if they need to go when it's not a bathroom break then they must declare that it's an emergency. Unbelievable.

This is true. I hear it from my prek3 and 1st grade kids. Also they dont get chances to drink water. My younger daughter has had many pee accidents, and my older one suffer constipation and gets bad stomach aches. She needs to drink more, and when she needs to go, she really must go...

I cannot believe that a teacher would feel the need to exert their control over a child like this. Horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. I'm really sorry that happened. She should know to say that it's an emergency if it is, though, especially if the schools policy is twice a day. I am a middle school teacher so it's a bit different, and sometimes students claim "emergency" when it's not. A teacher may say not right now and not know it's an emergency. I agree with the walking out if it's a true emergency.

I will never forget when I was in second grade and a classmate was denied going to the bathroom. She was wearing a dress and stockings, made a big triangle by spreading her legs and just peed all over the floor.

Im.a teacher,too, and I'm sorry it got to that, however the kids leave in droves by asking to go out, but it's to use their cell phone. It's hard to make a judgement call.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I miss the part where the kid pooped her pants? Actually pooped? If your kid feels poop coming out, and doesn't ring the emergency bell, I dare say her mother needs to teach her not to be treated like a doormat. And if it is the more ghastly and emergent diarrhea then why is she in school if she's sick? Either way that's a parental fail.

This is about preparing your child in advance. Teach your child what to do to advocate for themselves in your absence. Give them life skills. Kindergarten and first grade is not too young. There is an "emergency" out for this very reason. Teach them not to wait until the last minute (this you can practice endlessly at home) and teach them to tell the teacher they are about to have an accident.

You missed the part where the elementary aged child peed her pants after having an authority figure tell her no twice.

But I didnt. There's an emergency out. Kid didn't use it. Parent fail. Teach your kids to stand up for themselves!

Requiring a kid to use a special word to be allowed to use them bathroom when they have asked twice is a dick move. Complete and total teacher fail.

Totally agree. Which is why if you don't prepare your kid to deal with it then it' crosses over to a parent fail. There are aholes in all walks of life. Even elementary school. Our job as parents is to give them the confidence to stand up to adults in certain situations and this is clearly one. Op said this happened once already. That's the point where to put it more "sensitively", the opportunity was missed. that was the teachable moment. Because there are loser jerk teachers and bosses all throughout life. Mommy can't always defend you or get you a new nice teacher. You gotta deal. You need skills. You need a plan. That's the parents job and why no, it isn't a complete and total teacher fail.

But the teacher never told the kid the word emergency must be used. How is not being psychic a parent fail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too many teachers have this philosophy of not letting kids go to the bathroom. I taught 1st grade and 2nd grades for 7 years and my policy was that you try to go during recess but if you need to go you can go. I also told my 1st graders that if they tried to go during recess but if it was too crowded or kids were being silly that they could let me know and I would send them when we got back to the classroom. I also let them all know that if they went to the bathroom and there were bigger kids there that made them feel uncomfortable they could come right back and tell me and I would send them again in a few minutes. I also told them if they needed more time for number 2 and they didn't think they would have enough time at recess they could go when there were no classes at recess so no one would bother them (looking under stall, trying to open door, etc.). My students never really abused this policy. I sometimes had a few squirmy kids who did go frequently but I figured they needed a 3 minute break to stretch, then they would come back and focus. I announced my policy to the parents at the beginning of the year. I was amazed at how many parents thanked me for my bathroom policy throughout my years teaching.

You should like a great teached, PP. I wish more teachers were like you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. I'm really sorry that happened. She should know to say that it's an emergency if it is, though, especially if the schools policy is twice a day. I am a middle school teacher so it's a bit different, and sometimes students claim "emergency" when it's not. A teacher may say not right now and not know it's an emergency. I agree with the walking out if it's a true emergency.

I will never forget when I was in second grade and a classmate was denied going to the bathroom. She was wearing a dress and stockings, made a big triangle by spreading her legs and just peed all over the floor.

No. It's not the schools policy to have two bathroom breaks a day, and even if it was, that's bs. A good teacher would stand up for the students right to use the toilet when they need to. What's so important that kids should have to "hold it in" until class bathroom break? Nothing is. How about you only get two bathroom breaks a day? Wouldn't like that, would you?

Well, except that isn't quite a fair comparison. Two breaks in an entire day? Go before school. School starts at 9:10. Lunch room at 11:35. A bathroom break in between and at lunch. So the MAX is that you would hold it about an hour if you went around 10:15. Then after lunch/recess, you get another bathroom break between 12:30-3:30 when school is over. So by my count, at any given time the most you'd have to hold it is about an hour or so.

So I'd say if the kid pees her pants in the morning, before the first break, its probably mom's fault for making sure she didn't go right before school. And if she pees in the afternoon, it is the teacher's fault for not insisting everyone use the bathroom when they have the chance.

+1

Not every trip to the restroom should be an emergency. Children should be taught how to void their bladder, bearing down three times at the end to ensure that it is empty. They also should be taught to stretch their bladder. Pediatrician Dr. T. Berry Brazelton advised a method to help with this, specifically for children with bed-wetting problems. You give a child a canned drink (preferably a very rare treat as it was in our home), then you have the child wait to go until s/he was literally dancing around. The bladder, like the stomach, will expand to a certain extent.

I believe that too many kids think that they have to go at the first urge, when in reality, it can wait a little while longer. Of course, school is not the best place to learn this, but parents don't usually see bladder expansion training as part of their duty in teaching their child how to adapt to the world, rather than expecting the world to accommodate their child. I taught my children to go at scheduled times, ask permission only when they couldn't wait, and then politely excuse themselves to the restroom and go to the office afterwards if necessary. I never heard anything about it, so I imagine that if they had to follow my advice, it went fine at school.

You should be a urologist with your weird fetish about reading about pee.

You should not be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. I'm really sorry that happened. She should know to say that it's an emergency if it is, though, especially if the schools policy is twice a day. I am a middle school teacher so it's a bit different, and sometimes students claim "emergency" when it's not. A teacher may say not right now and not know it's an emergency. I agree with the walking out if it's a true emergency.

I will never forget when I was in second grade and a classmate was denied going to the bathroom. She was wearing a dress and stockings, made a big triangle by spreading her legs and just peed all over the floor.

Im.a teacher,too, and I'm sorry it got to that, however the kids leave in droves by asking to go out, but it's to use their cell phone. It's hard to make a judgement call.

In 2nd grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did I miss the part where the kid pooped her pants? Actually pooped? If your kid feels poop coming out, and doesn't ring the emergency bell, I dare say her mother needs to teach her not to be treated like a doormat. And if it is the more ghastly and emergent diarrhea then why is she in school if she's sick? Either way that's a parental fail.

This is about preparing your child in advance. Teach your child what to do to advocate for themselves in your absence. Give them life skills. Kindergarten and first grade is not too young. There is an "emergency" out for this very reason. Teach them not to wait until the last minute (this you can practice endlessly at home) and teach them to tell the teacher they are about to have an accident.

You missed the part where the elementary aged child peed her pants after having an authority figure tell her no twice.

But I didnt. There's an emergency out. Kid didn't use it. Parent fail. Teach your kids to stand up for themselves!

Requiring a kid to use a special word to be allowed to use them bathroom when they have asked twice is a dick move. Complete and total teacher fail.

Totally agree. Which is why if you don't prepare your kid to deal with it then it' crosses over to a parent fail. There are aholes in all walks of life. Even elementary school. Our job as parents is to give them the confidence to stand up to adults in certain situations and this is clearly one. Op said this happened once already. That's the point where to put it more "sensitively", the opportunity was missed. that was the teachable moment. Because there are loser jerk teachers and bosses all throughout life. Mommy can't always defend you or get you a new nice teacher. You gotta deal. You need skills. You need a plan. That's the parents job and why no, it isn't a complete and total teacher fail.

You sound like you THINK you know a whole lot about something that you actually know NOTHING about!

I know nothing about peeing? Holding it? Being 9? Being in school? Standing up for myself? Parenting?
Just because I see it differently than you doesn't mean I know nothing. My perspective is different. I don't think the teacher was right. I do not blame the child. It doesn't change the reality. The teacher doesn't interrupt class for bathroom breaks. She rolled her eyes after op yelled at her. The teacher is wrong. But whatever. The kid still peed her pants. For the second time in elementary school and she's NINE!! I feel sorry for her. Good luck to you!

You know nothing about the situation as it occurred. Was the class doing desk work or was the teacher teaching? You don't know, because you weren't there. That's just one example of what you don't know about. You are hysterical about something that has nothing to do with you (unless your my daughter's teacher, which I doubt you are) and you don't seem like a reasonable person. You can continue to read and respond on this thread all you want, but I'm going to ignore you. -OP

How is knowing what they were doing in class relevant? Your 9 year old still peed her pants. Not sure how I'm unreasonable since I agree with you that the policy is terrible, that the teacher is rude, that it isn't your dd's fault. The only thing I guess that makes me unreasonable is Ive pointed a teeny tiny finger at you too for not empowering your child. That's what's uncomfortable for you, and shocking. That someone could see it that way. But I do- this is the second time it has happened to your kid! Are you mad at me for that too? You probably aren't used to being told you aren't a perfect parent because you can't hear over the whirring blades of your helicopter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get the principal and counselor involved because that is appalling. If they don't take action I would write to the Superintendent and CC the principal.

And also maybe Child Protective Services.

[Anonymous]

I let anyone go to the bathroom when they ask but my new policy is they have to leave their cell phone on my desk when they leave. Many argue but I tell them they don't need a phone to use the bathroom. It's dramatically cut down on bathroom breaks. Students are told from day one of it's an emergency, like vomit, just walk out.

[Anonymous]

You may want to to offer the teacher some suggestions. We have a restroom signal that students use during independent work times (they signal, I nod, and they pick a partner and go). I have two half hour periods during the day when I don't let my students use the bathroom--whole group reading and math lessons. There are also two 15-20 minute whole group mini-lesson/direction-giving periods for science and social studies. Students are allowed to go during the morning and afternoon warm-ups, independent work times/literacy and math stations, and before lunch and recess. I've never had a student have an accident with this restroom policy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may want to to offer the teacher some suggestions. We have a restroom signal that students use during independent work times (they signal, I nod, and they pick a partner and go). I have two half hour periods during the day when I don't let my students use the bathroom--whole group reading and math lessons. There are also two 15-20 minute whole group mini-lesson/direction-giving periods for science and social studies. Students are allowed to go during the morning and afternoon warm-ups, independent work times/literacy and math stations, and before lunch and recess. I've never had a student have an accident with this restroom policy.

I think this sounds reasonable as long as you also do what PP mentioned and let them just go for a true emergency (vomiting, etc.)