Bathroom at school: teacher said no

[Anonymous]

Hopefully the teacher had to clean this up. I would call the principal and my board member.

[Anonymous]

I would be mad and would say that she actually has a medical condition that requires prompt bathroom access, and that I would bring a doctors note to the principals office if it happens again.

[Anonymous]

So I'd say if the kid pees her pants in the morning, before the first break, its probably mom's fault for making sure she didn't go right before school. And if she pees in the afternoon, it is the teacher's fault for not insisting everyone use the bathroom when they have the chance.

This is so stupid. The child is 9. She's well past the age of needing to be told when to use the bathroom. Do you think a 9 year old really got up in the morning and got ready for school without peeing?

And just like the teacher can't prevent someone from peeing (toilet or no toilet), a teacher also can't force a student to pee just because it's bathroom time. The body controls that, not an authority figure.

There is no sense in trying to figure out who is to blame for a nine year old peeing her pants. A bigger concern is why are teachers having a problem with so many students using the excuse that they need to use the bathroom to get a break from class- to the point where they only allow anyone to go if it's an emergency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get the principal and counselor involved because that is appalling. If they don't take action I would write to the Superintendent and CC the principal.

And also maybe Child Protective Services.

Please, dear god, do not bother CPS with s**t like this. Yes, it's wrong that the teacher isn't allowing bathroom freedom, please don't conflate it with abuse. CPS has real problems to deal with...they aren't your personal parenting police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find this whole thread really interesting considering the whole trans* bathroom/locker debate right now.

Little girl - no bathroom for you just piss yourself

Trans - here choose any bathroom you please

F off. Not even close.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my kindergarten son. They had recess outside before lunch. Kids went in line to buy lunch and DS had to go to the bathroom. Teacher said no. He peed his pants in the lunch line.

I then realized that they don't even wash their hands before eating lunch, which seems really unsanitary but that is a whole other topic.

I instructed DS to run to the bathroom if this happens again. He said he would get in trouble and I said it is ok to go to the bathroom when you have to go that badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. I'm really sorry that happened. She should know to say that it's an emergency if it is, though, especially if the schools policy is twice a day. I am a middle school teacher so it's a bit different, and sometimes students claim "emergency" when it's not. A teacher may say not right now and not know it's an emergency. I agree with the walking out if it's a true emergency.

I will never forget when I was in second grade and a classmate was denied going to the bathroom. She was wearing a dress and stockings, made a big triangle by spreading her legs and just peed all over the floor.

No. It's not the schools policy to have two bathroom breaks a day, and even if it was, that's bs. A good teacher would stand up for the students right to use the toilet when they need to. What's so important that kids should have to "hold it in" until class bathroom break? Nothing is. How about you only get two bathroom breaks a day? Wouldn't like that, would you?

This times 25-30 students is disruptive. Unless there is a medical need, children should learn to use the bathroom when breaks are given. Instead many kids want to use it "on demand." They chose not to avail themselves when given the opportunity, then say their rights asre being oppressed-gimme a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So I'd say if the kid pees her pants in the morning, before the first break, its probably mom's fault for making sure she didn't go right before school. And if she pees in the afternoon, it is the teacher's fault for not insisting everyone use the bathroom when they have the chance.

This is so stupid. The child is 9. She's well past the age of needing to be told when to use the bathroom. Do you think a 9 year old really got up in the morning and got ready for school without peeing?

And just like the teacher can't prevent someone from peeing (toilet or no toilet), a teacher also can't force a student to pee just because it's bathroom time. The body controls that, not an authority figure.

There is no sense in trying to figure out who is to blame for a nine year old peeing her pants. A bigger concern is why are teachers having a problem with so many students using the excuse that they need to use the bathroom to get a break from class- to the point where they only allow anyone to go if it's an emergency.

I definitely think the teacher is in the wrong for not allowing a child to go to the bathroom when it's needed. However, my kids have known since they were first potty trained that when we are out or traveling, if one person is going to the bathroom everyone has to "try". I don't want to take one kid to the bathroom and then be right back in there 20 minutes later if I can avoid it by having everyone go at once. Yes, there are still 'emergencies' but going at the required break time can cut down on a lot of it.

[Anonymous]

This whole conversation is so weird to me. I teach at a middle school and I'm used to kids lying about having to use the bathroom but I still let them go. *shrug* They're usually back in about 3 minutes. For whatever reason, they need a break, so I let them take it. The few times I've had kids abuse my liberal policy, I just give THAT kid more restrictions (i.e. - I'm only signing 2 bathroom passes for you this week so you better find another time to go).

As the parent of two young kids, I know that they don't always go to the bathroom until it gets SO urgent they cannot wait. I would think that every elementary teacher would know that this is something that little kids have trouble with and be a little more liberal in their policy. If it's a bad time for my daughter to go to the bathroom, I usually just ask "is it an emergency or can it wait" and she'll be able to tell me which it is. Are that many 2nd graders lying about having to use the restroom that it results in a sweeping policy for the whole school that bathroom use is restricted?

I don't get upset about much when it comes to my kids and the authority figures they deal with because I like for them to learn how to navigate these waters by themselves but peeing yourself in class is just humiliating and this would be something that would set me off - particularly if it happened more than once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This whole conversation is so weird to me. I teach at a middle school and I'm used to kids lying about having to use the bathroom but I still let them go. *shrug* They're usually back in about 3 minutes. For whatever reason, they need a break, so I let them take it. The few times I've had kids abuse my liberal policy, I just give THAT kid more restrictions (i.e. - I'm only signing 2 bathroom passes for you this week so you better find another time to go).

As the parent of two young kids, I know that they don't always go to the bathroom until it gets SO urgent they cannot wait. I would think that every elementary teacher would know that this is something that little kids have trouble with and be a little more liberal in their policy. If it's a bad time for my daughter to go to the bathroom, I usually just ask "is it an emergency or can it wait" and she'll be able to tell me which it is. Are that many 2nd graders lying about having to use the restroom that it results in a sweeping policy for the whole school that bathroom use is restricted?

I don't get upset about much when it comes to my kids and the authority figures they deal with because I like for them to learn how to navigate these waters by themselves but peeing yourself in class is just humiliating and this would be something that would set me off - particularly if it happened more than once.

This is the way to go. Why make a policy that assumes the worst intentions of every kid? Assume the kid needs to go when they say they need to go. Start out with the bathroom visits framed in a more positive sense, as a privilege. Only if student is abusing that privilege do you take it away, add restrictions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This whole conversation is so weird to me. I teach at a middle school and I'm used to kids lying about having to use the bathroom but I still let them go. *shrug* They're usually back in about 3 minutes. For whatever reason, they need a break, so I let them take it. The few times I've had kids abuse my liberal policy, I just give THAT kid more restrictions (i.e. - I'm only signing 2 bathroom passes for you this week so you better find another time to go).

As the parent of two young kids, I know that they don't always go to the bathroom until it gets SO urgent they cannot wait. I would think that every elementary teacher would know that this is something that little kids have trouble with and be a little more liberal in their policy. If it's a bad time for my daughter to go to the bathroom, I usually just ask "is it an emergency or can it wait" and she'll be able to tell me which it is. Are that many 2nd graders lying about having to use the restroom that it results in a sweeping policy for the whole school that bathroom use is restricted?

I don't get upset about much when it comes to my kids and the authority figures they deal with because I like for them to learn how to navigate these waters by themselves but peeing yourself in class is just humiliating and this would be something that would set me off - particularly if it happened more than once.

This is the way to go. Why make a policy that assumes the worst intentions of every kid? Assume the kid needs to go when they say they need to go. Start out with the bathroom visits framed in a more positive sense, as a privilege. Only if student is abusing that privilege do you take it away, add restrictions.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So I'd say if the kid pees her pants in the morning, before the first break, its probably mom's fault for making sure she didn't go right before school. And if she pees in the afternoon, it is the teacher's fault for not insisting everyone use the bathroom when they have the chance.

This is so stupid. The child is 9. She's well past the age of needing to be told when to use the bathroom. Do you think a 9 year old really got up in the morning and got ready for school without peeing?

And just like the teacher can't prevent someone from peeing (toilet or no toilet), a teacher also can't force a student to pee just because it's bathroom time. The body controls that, not an authority figure.

There is no sense in trying to figure out who is to blame for a nine year old peeing her pants. A bigger concern is why are teachers having a problem with so many students using the excuse that they need to use the bathroom to get a break from class- to the point where they only allow anyone to go if it's an emergency.

Good point.

OP, perhaps you should gift the teacher with a bulk-size package of extra large diapers at the end of the year. "For next year's class."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've taught my daughter that she's to ask, and if she's told no, to wait until she can't wait anymore and then to just get up and walk out, and I will back her up on that decision to the school.

Same here.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is awful that OP's daughter wet her pants. Absolutely awful.

However, I can understand the teacher's position. Kids (even elementary) use the bathroom as an excuse to just leave the room. Go wander the school, whatever. We've had teachers who don't allow bathroom breaks during instruction. I don't have a problem with that. Kids are encouraged to go (as others have said) before school, at breaks, during lunch and after school.

OP obviously a discussion with the teacher is necessary. Make sure too that your daughter knows that if it really is an emergency, she should just go.

Op here. They were doing seat work. The first time she asked she was told no. Several minutes later she asked again (which to me should have given the teacher a hint that my daughter really did have to go!) she was told no again. My daughter always goes in the morning before school. I don't know if she goes during the class bathroom breaks or not. Every teacher she's had before this one has allowed kids to go to the bathroom whenever they need to. I don't remember ever hearing my daughter talk about class bathroom breaks. I remember my teachers doing this in elementary school, but my daughter never told me about it and the first I heard of it was when I spoke to the teacher. This teacher is very controlling and I'm glad the year is almost over.

Yes, that should have been the teacher's clue for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, how dare you compare your restriction to use the bathroom to a CHILDS bathroom restriction. You are an adult.

I'm a teacher and am appalled at your reasoning. I know my students and love them and I'm aware that even some in my room cannot say when something is an emergency. Even in my classroom, I know some students just won't say that. That's a big thing for a kid to say in front of the classroom and to a teacher. What's an emergency to a kid? A fire? Having to go pee might not be an emergency. Or is it?

Just as teachers make a million decisions a day, as does a child. It doesn't sound like the fire alarm was about to go off or that recess was over. It sounds like a crappy policy to have and a crappy teacher who would enforce that rule. Like PP said, a good teacher would stand up for her children's RIGHT to use the bathroom.

I'd be heartbroken if my students were too scared to ask to use the bathroom and peed themselves instead. I'd feel like a failure to not have their trust. These are CHILDREN.

The PP asked how I would like it if I could use the bathroom only twice a day- while I do not have that restriction, I do have periods up to almost three hours where I can't use the bathroom, so I have to plan around that. I've also had times when I had to have a colleague help me out so I could use the bathroom in between classes. Of course it's not the same as a child. Just stating my own opinion that if it is urgent, the child should be able to use the bathroom, and they should be comfortable asking.

My opinion is probably colored by the fact that I get multiple middle school students asking to go at the same time. My school is very strict- one at a time, you must have a pass, and they lock the bathrooms for the first hour a day (which I hate and think is illegal).

NP here. You are an ADULT! And you teach MIDDLE SCHOOL! We are talking about young elementary school children! As far as I'm concerned your input here is useless! Some young elementary children just cannot hold it as long as others. Some are not comfortable announcing emergencies or have trouble clearly articulating what an emergency is! OPs child asked TWICE! Clearly, the teacher should be intelligent enough to infer that that meant emergency. There is an epidemic of constipation in this country, and school bathroom situations like this are clearly not helping. Girls also get UTIs from holding it in. Young children should be able to use a toilet to pee when they need to!