I don't know how to process this fight/anger with my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And are you a stay at home mom versus your husband who works fulltime? When i was on maternity leave, i NEVER made DH get up for the baby. He works crazy hours hes exhausted. Staying at home, i was able to catch up on sleep at nap times all week.

Husband works reasonable hours. I get up earlier then him. I'm up with toddler every day at six. He doesn't get up til 7. Toddler sleeps 7pm to 6am. Fairly typical. But again, not really the point here. If he didn't want to wake up he can just tell me and we can figure it out. Mad bc he holds it over my head at child's expense.

This is a huge F-ING deal OP. if I worked and DH sat his ass at home all week and put our child on a schedule on purpose to go to bed at dinnertime and wake up at the Crack of dawn on Saturday and Sunday because HE is a morning person, but then purposefully stayed in bed till my kid was sitting in shit to make some warped point I would say YOU ARE fucked up. If you know your spouse is tired and needs sleep, why in the hell would you force him to get up at 6am on weekends??? Why not put toddler down at 8 or 8:30pm to wake up at 7am or 8am???? There I solved your whole problem YOU invented.

Oh for fucks sake, are you on glue?

I have raised 2 children and both naturally went to bed at 7:30 in baby/toddlerhood. Read a fucking sleep book. That's when kids start to produce sleep hormones. It's science. You dummy.

So when we have daylight savings time, what does your book of wisdom say? Pretend the clocks didn't move forward or back due to his? You sound like a loon. Kids go to bed when we put them to bed. It's easy to move bedtime ahead an hour. And, again, if OP enjoys being up at 6am on weekends while her DH is exhausted, it's sadistic to force him out of bed.

You're a dumbass.

Still haven't heard a real answer - do you change bedtime by one hour when we have daylight savings time changes. Yes or no? I'm finding it hard to believe a bedtime is never changed by one hour. Calling bullshit.

Bedtimes are hard to move. Physiologically speaking and if you are suggesting she should have done so at DST then you are being a willfully obtuse nitpicker here and gas lighting the posters to make a bizarre point. Obviously the wake up time is not for the moms benefit of being a morning person since she wants to sleep in (is your reading comprehension turned on) but for the child's benefit. He is tired by 7-8 like ALL toddlers ever in the world so he gets up early.

Working moms have to move bedtime with time changes. We can't tell our Boss it was too hard to move. This is hogwash. Move the nap time and bedtime and everybody sleeps in problem solved. Or just wallow in your 1st world non-working mommy 6am stickler kid in poopy diaper problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We regularly don't get out of bed when the baby wakes up early if he's not actively crying. Once or twice this has meant he has a poopy diaper when we do get up, and who knows when it happened? It really isn't the end of the world.

I really hope when you are old, your children let you sit in your own shit while they play games with each other.

Dear me. So your position is that a child who is happily playing on his own needs immediate intervention? As soon as you hear a happy coo from baby, who is cheerfully playing with his toes and self-entertaining, you must thrust your head in front of his face and begin clucking over him/entertaining him?

OP, you and your husband will both be happier parents if you don't have the attitude of the "when you are old" PP. Happy, contented children don't need your constant attention, and if you end up cleaning poop off the crib sheets once in awhile, that's life.

This fight need not be the end of the world or sudden revelation to either of you about your spouse's True Nature. That's the anger talking. And if you truly want to move past it, you must accept who your husband is, accept what you're going to have to do about it, and then make nice. It's no fun to live with someone who is walking around paying attention to all of your worst qualities (we all have them) and forgetting about the good things.

For you, this might mean that you don't get your mornings. Your toddler sleeps ELEVEN HOURS STRAIGHT.

P.S. I've found with my children that the instant I start imposing blame and guilt on them from above, they instantly are absolved of feeling those emotions themselves and become defensive. Adults are often no different. If you are sulking around and feeling angry at your husband about the Poop, you just may have taken away the opportunity for him to feel bad about it himself-- which he may have-- and helped move him straight into defensive mood. This isn't about Who He Is, right? We all make mistakes and should have the opportunity to feel sufficiently regretful without having someone pointing out our flaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And are you a stay at home mom versus your husband who works fulltime? When i was on maternity leave, i NEVER made DH get up for the baby. He works crazy hours hes exhausted. Staying at home, i was able to catch up on sleep at nap times all week.

Husband works reasonable hours. I get up earlier then him. I'm up with toddler every day at six. He doesn't get up til 7. Toddler sleeps 7pm to 6am. Fairly typical. But again, not really the point here. If he didn't want to wake up he can just tell me and we can figure it out. Mad bc he holds it over my head at child's expense.

This is a huge F-ING deal OP. if I worked and DH sat his ass at home all week and put our child on a schedule on purpose to go to bed at dinnertime and wake up at the Crack of dawn on Saturday and Sunday because HE is a morning person, but then purposefully stayed in bed till my kid was sitting in shit to make some warped point I would say YOU ARE fucked up. If you know your spouse is tired and needs sleep, why in the hell would you force him to get up at 6am on weekends??? Why not put toddler down at 8 or 8:30pm to wake up at 7am or 8am???? There I solved your whole problem YOU invented.

Oh for fucks sake, are you on glue?

I have raised 2 children and both naturally went to bed at 7:30 in baby/toddlerhood. Read a fucking sleep book. That's when kids start to produce sleep hormones. It's science. You dummy.

So when we have daylight savings time, what does your book of wisdom say? Pretend the clocks didn't move forward or back due to his? You sound like a loon. Kids go to bed when we put them to bed. It's easy to move bedtime ahead an hour. And, again, if OP enjoys being up at 6am on weekends while her DH is exhausted, it's sadistic to force him out of bed.

You're a dumbass.

Still haven't heard a real answer - do you change bedtime by one hour when we have daylight savings time changes. Yes or no? I'm finding it hard to believe a bedtime is never changed by one hour. Calling bullshit.

Bedtimes are hard to move. Physiologically speaking and if you are suggesting she should have done so at DST then you are being a willfully obtuse nitpicker here and gas lighting the posters to make a bizarre point. Obviously the wake up time is not for the moms benefit of being a morning person since she wants to sleep in (is your reading comprehension turned on) but for the child's benefit. He is tired by 7-8 like ALL toddlers ever in the world so he gets up early.

Working moms have to move bedtime with time changes. We can't tell our Boss it was too hard to move. This is hogwash. Move the nap time and bedtime and everybody sleeps in problem solved. Or just wallow in your 1st world non-working mommy 6am stickler kid in poopy diaper problems.

I am very much a working mom. And your gaslighting is not working here. Keep trying. We do not move bedtimes at daylight savings. We do not move ours nor theirs. Neither should this family.

You suck so badly.

[Anonymous]

Seriously. I have never seen so much smoke and mirrors thrown up to defend some douche bag husband who neglected his kid.

You are both turds.