I don't know how to process this fight/anger with my husband

[Anonymous]

I have this rage in inside that I cannot let go of, hoping your outside perspective can help me. We're in a different time zone, so the times are off. DH is supposed to wake up with our child on Sunday mornings at 6 am. The night before, we got in a fight, and he was upset with me and slept on the couch. This morning, when our toddler son started crying, he didn't get him or check on him. When I checked on him, he had pooped through his clothes and was hungry and dirty. DH refused to take care of him because he was still upset at me. He's trying to make nice now, but I'm really struggling with:
1) trust as a parenting partner - I'm upset by this dynamic, that he can shirk his parenting duties because he knows I will always step up and care for our son.
2)using not caring for our son as a tool to "get back at me".

This is not the first time he has done this either. Me getting to sleep in on Sunday is sanity-saving for me. I look forward to it all week, and he knows that and likes to dangle not getting up with DS as a punishment of sorts if he is upset with me. Needless to say, we do not have a great marriage, but this is really breaking me.

[Anonymous]

What'd you do to make him angry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What'd you do to make him angry?

We got in a fight about money. I posted in the money section as well - I SAH and I have been using my savings to pay for our expenses. My savings finally overdrew (bc - no more income) and I asked him to transfer funds to me, but he refused to do so without a lot of conditions - ie wanting to go line by line through my spending but refusing to check his own spending.

[Anonymous]

Are you the Brussels poster? Regardless, it's an
asshole thing to do; do you let him sleep in on Saturday mornings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have this rage in inside that I cannot let go of, hoping your outside perspective can help me. We're in a different time zone, so the times are off. DH is supposed to wake up with our child on Sunday mornings at 6 am. The night before, we got in a fight, and he was upset with me and slept on the couch. This morning, when our toddler son started crying, he didn't get him or check on him. When I checked on him, he had pooped through his clothes and was hungry and dirty. DH refused to take care of him because he was still upset at me. He's trying to make nice now, but I'm really struggling with:
1) trust as a parenting partner - I'm upset by this dynamic, that he can shirk his parenting duties because he knows I will always step up and care for our son.
2)using not caring for our son as a tool to "get back at me".

This is not the first time he has done this either. Me getting to sleep in on Sunday is sanity-saving for me. I look forward to it all week, and he knows that and likes to dangle not getting up with DS as a punishment of sorts if he is upset with me. Needless to say, we do not have a great marriage, but this is really breaking me.

Without a spouse, you'd be the one getting up. There's the perspective check you asked for, though I'm pretty sure it's not what you wanted to hear.

Your husband is being infantile (if what you've said is the whole of the truth). That's annoying. The only part of this that is somewhat concerning is that he's allegedly willing to let your kid suffer. That's really messed up.

Then again, I don't know when your son started crying, what you were doing (were you already up?), how long he was allegedly allowed to cry, etc.

Again, assuming your post is entirely true, this is what I'd do:

Tell your husband to stop being such a bitch. Those exact words. Tell him that passive-aggressive twattery is the height of female stupidity, and you married him believing he was a man. A man doesn't leave his son to suffer for any length of time for any reason. Then ignore the bastard.

Report back in a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What'd you do to make him angry?

Irrelevant. A toddler doesn't deserve to sit in a soiled diaper if it is expected one parent will be cleaning him up and the other parent isn't up to be checking him. If that parent doesn't want to do it, that should he communicated but it is so upsetting to make the kid suffer as a revenge to the other parent.

[Anonymous]

Next time you fight, go stay at a friend's house. That way he'll have to take care of DC in the morning.

[Anonymous]

He was being passive-aggressive. People who do that are immature. I would not want a baby with someone immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have this rage in inside that I cannot let go of, hoping your outside perspective can help me. We're in a different time zone, so the times are off. DH is supposed to wake up with our child on Sunday mornings at 6 am. The night before, we got in a fight, and he was upset with me and slept on the couch. This morning, when our toddler son started crying, he didn't get him or check on him. When I checked on him, he had pooped through his clothes and was hungry and dirty. DH refused to take care of him because he was still upset at me. He's trying to make nice now, but I'm really struggling with:
1) trust as a parenting partner - I'm upset by this dynamic, that he can shirk his parenting duties because he knows I will always step up and care for our son.
2)using not caring for our son as a tool to "get back at me".

This is not the first time he has done this either. Me getting to sleep in on Sunday is sanity-saving for me. I look forward to it all week, and he knows that and likes to dangle not getting up with DS as a punishment of sorts if he is upset with me. Needless to say, we do not have a great marriage, but this is really breaking me.

Without a spouse, you'd be the one getting up. There's the perspective check you asked for, though I'm pretty sure it's not what you wanted to hear.

Your husband is being infantile (if what you've said is the whole of the truth). That's annoying. The only part of this that is somewhat concerning is that he's allegedly willing to let your kid suffer. That's really messed up.

Then again, I don't know when your son started crying, what you were doing (were you already up?), how long he was allegedly allowed to cry, etc.

Again, assuming your post is entirely true, this is what I'd do:

Tell your husband to stop being such a bitch. Those exact words. Tell him that passive-aggressive twattery is the height of female stupidity, and you married him believing he was a man. A man doesn't leave his son to suffer for any length of time for any reason. Then ignore the bastard.

Report back in a week.

I wouldn't say this to someone who pays my bills. OP, if you are the same OP who asks her husband for money/ wanted advice on a budget, you need YOUR OWN JOB and YOUR OWN MONEY. Do not depend on him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What'd you do to make him angry?

Irrelevant. A toddler doesn't deserve to sit in a soiled diaper if it is expected one parent will be cleaning him up and the other parent isn't up to be checking him. If that parent doesn't want to do it, that should he communicated but it is so upsetting to make the kid suffer as a revenge to the other parent.

Actually, it's not irrelevant, since what he was mad about was just some stupid bullshit about money that was his fault anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What'd you do to make him angry?

Irrelevant. A toddler doesn't deserve to sit in a soiled diaper if it is expected one parent will be cleaning him up and the other parent isn't up to be checking him. If that parent doesn't want to do it, that should he communicated but it is so upsetting to make the kid suffer as a revenge to the other parent.

Actually, it's not irrelevant, since what he was mad about was just some stupid bullshit about money that was his fault anyways.

Why is it wrong to want to know where his money is going ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What'd you do to make him angry?

Irrelevant. A toddler doesn't deserve to sit in a soiled diaper if it is expected one parent will be cleaning him up and the other parent isn't up to be checking him. If that parent doesn't want to do it, that should he communicated but it is so upsetting to make the kid suffer as a revenge to the other parent.

Actually, it's not irrelevant, since what he was mad about was just some stupid bullshit about money that was his fault anyways.

Why is it wrong to want to know where his money is going ?

Can we not get caught up in that please? You can comment in the money forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What'd you do to make him angry?

Irrelevant. A toddler doesn't deserve to sit in a soiled diaper if it is expected one parent will be cleaning him up and the other parent isn't up to be checking him. If that parent doesn't want to do it, that should he communicated but it is so upsetting to make the kid suffer as a revenge to the other parent.

Actually, it's not irrelevant, since what he was mad about was just some stupid bullshit about money that was his fault anyways.

Why is it wrong to want to know where his money is going ?

Can we not get caught up in that please? You can comment in the money forum.

This thread is not in the money forum.

[Anonymous]

What's behind the fight about money? Sounds like you guys moved overseas for his job, and you're not able to find work? Is it very expensive there and now money is tight? Is he being opaque about where the money he brings in goes?

Is it possible to find a counselor to help you through this? Transitioning to one income is tough and a big change, and it sounds like he's handling it poorly. His punishing you by ignoring your son sounds like one piece of the bigger picture. I'm supportive of SAHM's (I am one!), but it sounds like trouble here and if you can get work, I'd take it. In the meantime, I'd look for a counselor. Something's gotta give - this can't go on indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you the Brussels poster? Regardless, it's an
asshole thing to do; do you let him sleep in on Saturday mornings?

This was my thought