I don't know how to process this fight/anger with my husband

[Anonymous]

Why is her DH exhausted? He sleeps later than she does every other day...

[Anonymous]

Op's kid "suffered" equally because of her. She chose not to get up with the child even though she knew he was awake. Because she was mad and wanted to stick her husband on early morning duty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is her DH exhausted? He sleeps later than she does every other day...

Because he works. If you don't get it, sorry. As I said previously, I took naps when I was on maternity leave. Maternity leave was the most relaxing time of my entire life because I DIDN'T HAVE TO SET MY ALARM, GET UP, SHOWER, DRESS UP, DRIVE IN RUSH HOUR, READ AND WRITE ALL DAY AND DEAL WITH BOSSES AND DEADLINES DRIVE BACK HOME IN RUSH HOUR TO A BITCHY UNGRATEFUL STAY AT HOME WIFE WHINING WHY I'M TIRED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op's kid "suffered" equally because of her. She chose not to get up with the child even though she knew he was awake. Because she was mad and wanted to stick her husband on early morning duty.

Yeah I don't get this. Ops husband was certainly in the wrong but I cannot imagine letting my kid cry so long that he was in such a mess. That's just bad parenting.

[Anonymous]

I never got the Princess treatment during my child bearing years. I was robbed !

OP, sounds like you both don't understand marriage and parenting. Both take sacrifices you aren't willing to make. We're only hearing one side also.

If you both can't or won't do some kind of counseling, I suggest you separate. Neither of you are going to fix this without help.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Yes, your husband should enjoy spending time with his son and not use him as a pawn against you. But you should also quit with this tit for tat parenting where you get Saturdays and he gets Sundays or whatever. It's a family, and it's not "fair" -- it's more like the communist system where you give to each according to their need and take from each according to their ability to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, I don't think the real issue is whether or not he let you sleep in, which the post seems to be implying. Maybe I'm reading it wrong. To me, the problem is that he is not willing to go and help his own child when the child is crying and in need. That's awful.

OP here - He knows I will never let my child suffer, therefore the child will never suffer. So he can use not caring for the child/putting more burden on me as a way to hurt me.

Do you understand that this is surely not how he sees it? In his mind, he is doing you a favor by getting up early on Sundays. He is mad at you, so he doesn't want to do you a favor. He does not view this as harmful to be kid because he knows someone is still going to take care of the kid.

To be clear: I am not saying he is right that he's doing you a favor. Or that he's right about the argument. Or anything else. But it seems like part of your extreme anger at him is that you think in his mind, he thinks it is ok to harm your child to get back at you. And that is not at all what he thinks. I think it's important for you to understand that if you want to get over the fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op's kid "suffered" equally because of her. She chose not to get up with the child even though she knew he was awake. Because she was mad and wanted to stick her husband on early morning duty.

Their arrangement is that her husband does the early morning duty on Sunday. Whether the wife is up or not is irrelevant. Her husband doesn't get to get out of his duties because he's upset with the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Well, I don't think the real issue is whether or not he let you sleep in, which the post seems to be implying. Maybe I'm reading it wrong. To me, the problem is that he is not willing to go and help his own child when the child is crying and in need. That's awful.

OP here - He knows I will never let my child suffer, therefore the child will never suffer. So he can use not caring for the child/putting more burden on me as a way to hurt me.

Do you understand that this is surely not how he sees it? In his mind, he is doing you a favor by getting up early on Sundays. He is mad at you, so he doesn't want to do you a favor. He does not view this as harmful to be kid because he knows someone is still going to take care of the kid.

To be clear: I am not saying he is right that he's doing you a favor. Or that he's right about the argument. Or anything else. But it seems like part of your extreme anger at him is that you think in his mind, he thinks it is ok to harm your child to get back at you. And that is not at all what he thinks. I think it's important for you to understand that if you want to get over the fight.

I'm a DW who is totally on OP's side from how she described the situation. I never looked at it from quite that perspective. I still think OP is justified in her feelings, but now I'm looking at the DH's response to her differently. I guess due to your post I've downgraded him from a horrible-parent-asshole to just a plain old asshole. Thanks PP

[Anonymous]

Ha, glad I could get him downgraded slightly.

[Anonymous]

This....this and the responses is why people shouldn't have kids. Husband works all day comes home to diva SAHM who needs sleep time.

I understand split duties and all, but a kid is a romance killer and anything over 1 is just suicide.

Word of advice I got from my father "boy, don't let your d*ck make a slave out of ya"

The same goes for a woman.

OP, remember this crap next time you want another kid. If you can't handle one than you already have one too many. As for him not waking up to deal with the kid, he can be mad all he wants but don't take it out on your kid. They didn't do anything wrong.

You're going to get the standard go to counciling response but it's usually bullshit. It doesn't help. What does is sitting down and divvying up duties and not popping out more kids

[Anonymous]

We regularly don't get out of bed when the baby wakes up early if he's not actively crying. Once or twice this has meant he has a poopy diaper when we do get up, and who knows when it happened? It really isn't the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We regularly don't get out of bed when the baby wakes up early if he's not actively crying. Once or twice this has meant he has a poopy diaper when we do get up, and who knows when it happened? It really isn't the end of the world.

I really hope when you are old, your children let you sit in your own shit while they play games with each other.

[Anonymous]

oP's husband is severely passive aggressive.
Get help, first counseling alone so you catch his passive anger episodes faster, then joint counseling.

[Anonymous]

What constitutes more suffering? Spanking or a shitty diaper? What sayeth you, DCUM?