11th grade son won't discuss college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to McDonald's this week to explore alternate career tracks. My old HS calculus teacher used to say that there's a French fry machine out there for all of us.

OMG, I think we had the same Calc teacher! Mine also used to tell us if we didn't do well, we could just go to NOVA (whose mascot, he told us, was Ricky the Roadkill).

I laughed along at the time, but now that I'm older, I think that was really elitist and inappropriate!

Wow, as a parent of a kid with a disability who will likely start at our local community college, I have to say that stories like that are what makes school so incredibly hard for my kid.

I thought it was very funny, and only slightly inappropriate. After all, this is a high school calculus class! Most kids taking calculus are likely to go on to somewhat competitive colleges.

Yes, I'm the original PP and it was definitely intended as a joke for a certain audience - these were the top kids in our class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to McDonald's this week to explore alternate career tracks. My old HS calculus teacher used to say that there's a French fry machine out there for all of us.

OMG, I think we had the same Calc teacher! Mine also used to tell us if we didn't do well, we could just go to NOVA (whose mascot, he told us, was Ricky the Roadkill).

I laughed along at the time, but now that I'm older, I think that was really elitist and inappropriate!

Wow, as a parent of a kid with a disability who will likely start at our local community college, I have to say that stories like that are what makes school so incredibly hard for my kid.

I thought it was very funny, and only slightly inappropriate. After all, this is a high school calculus class! Most kids taking calculus are likely to go on to somewhat competitive colleges.

Yes, I'm the original PP and it was definitely intended as a joke for a certain audience - these were the top kids in our class.

It was a very insensitive joke and I would not expect a teacher to joke that way with students who have to interact with those less fortunate. It sends a terrible message. When the teacher jokes like that, kids feel like they have license to joke and tease about it too. The PP is right - this is the type of "joking" that makes it hard for kids who are on a different path because the message it sends is that those "calculus" kids are somehow better than the others. And when HS immaturity comes into play... guess what. I am one of the PP's and I am not overly sensitive about it. My kid is on a good path, is happy and has found a comfortable place in the world. But it was a shitty thing to say. Hey, but as long as you thought it was funny...

[Anonymous]

If he's stressed and counting the days till the end of school, I wouldn't worry about developing a list of schools or making plans to visit right now. You can do that after schools ends. But, if you think he might want to go to a school that requires the SAT subject tests, and, if he's got a reasonable shot at going to one of those schools, you need to let him know that he'll be closing those doors if he doesn't sign up now to take the tests in June. If he's willing to accept the consequences of not taking the subject tests, and having a more limited pool of schools open to him, that's his choice.

Aside from that, though, everything else can wait until June, but, as you know if you've had an older child go through the admissions process, waiting until September will probably result in a lot of stress and less than optimal outcomes. As for a gap year, that can be a great experience for many kids -- 2 of my 3 did this and it was fantastic -- but most colleges recommend that you apply during senior year and then defer admission to take the gap year. That's not a requirement, but, again, it's something to be aware of and consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to McDonald's this week to explore alternate career tracks. My old HS calculus teacher used to say that there's a French fry machine out there for all of us.

OMG, I think we had the same Calc teacher! Mine also used to tell us if we didn't do well, we could just go to NOVA (whose mascot, he told us, was Ricky the Roadkill).

I laughed along at the time, but now that I'm older, I think that was really elitist and inappropriate!

Wow, as a parent of a kid with a disability who will likely start at our local community college, I have to say that stories like that are what makes school so incredibly hard for my kid.

I thought it was very funny, and only slightly inappropriate. After all, this is a high school calculus class! Most kids taking calculus are likely to go on to somewhat competitive colleges.

Yes, I'm the original PP and it was definitely intended as a joke for a certain audience - these were the top kids in our class.

It was a very insensitive joke and I would not expect a teacher to joke that way with students who have to interact with those less fortunate. It sends a terrible message. When the teacher jokes like that, kids feel like they have license to joke and tease about it too. The PP is right - this is the type of "joking" that makes it hard for kids who are on a different path because the message it sends is that those "calculus" kids are somehow better than the others. And when HS immaturity comes into play... guess what. I am one of the PP's and I am not overly sensitive about it. My kid is on a good path, is happy and has found a comfortable place in the world. But it was a shitty thing to say. Hey, but as long as you thought it was funny...

Actually you are over sensitive.

[Anonymous]

No s/he's not. You're an a-hole if you think it's ok for a teacher to encourage "the top kids" to laugh at/make fun of people who go to community college or work at McDonalds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to McDonald's this week to explore alternate career tracks. My old HS calculus teacher used to say that there's a French fry machine out there for all of us.

OMG, I think we had the same Calc teacher! Mine also used to tell us if we didn't do well, we could just go to NOVA (whose mascot, he told us, was Ricky the Roadkill).

I laughed along at the time, but now that I'm older, I think that was really elitist and inappropriate!

Wow, as a parent of a kid with a disability who will likely start at our local community college, I have to say that stories like that are what makes school so incredibly hard for my kid.

I thought it was very funny, and only slightly inappropriate. After all, this is a high school calculus class! Most kids taking calculus are likely to go on to somewhat competitive colleges.

Yes, I'm the original PP and it was definitely intended as a joke for a certain audience - these were the top kids in our class.

It was a very insensitive joke and I would not expect a teacher to joke that way with students who have to interact with those less fortunate. It sends a terrible message. When the teacher jokes like that, kids feel like they have license to joke and tease about it too. The PP is right - this is the type of "joking" that makes it hard for kids who are on a different path because the message it sends is that those "calculus" kids are somehow better than the others. And when HS immaturity comes into play... guess what. I am one of the PP's and I am not overly sensitive about it. My kid is on a good path, is happy and has found a comfortable place in the world. But it was a shitty thing to say. Hey, but as long as you thought it was funny...

Actually you are over sensitive.

+1

This was a group of smart kids from an area that isn't nearly as affluent as here. Kids that did well went away to good colleges/careers. If you didn't, there weren't a lot of good options. So working at a fast food joint wasn't so much of an insult as it was an alternative. With his "joke" he did make us think about our options and motivations. So we all laughed. And studied hard.

I don't see a negative message there at all and have already joked about it with my own kids. They need to take responsibility for their own success/outcome.

[Anonymous]

I am very surprised at the comment about signing up for subject tests. Who leaves that in a kids hands? I have signed up my daughter for all her standardized tests, hired her tutor, researched and bought her prep books. I view that as my job as her parent. The kids have more than enough to do during junior year.

[Anonymous]

If it happened today in a MCPS then you are correct. But you ARE overly sensitive because you don't know where or when this happened or who was in the room.

"It was a very insensitive joke and I would not expect a teacher to joke that way with students who have to interact with those less fortunate. It sends a terrible message. When the teacher jokes like that, kids feel like they have license to joke and tease about it too. The PP is right - this is the type of "joking" that makes it hard for kids who are on a different path because the message it sends is that those "calculus" kids are somehow better than the others. And when HS immaturity comes into play... guess what. I am one of the PP's and I am not overly sensitive about it. My kid is on a good path, is happy and has found a comfortable place in the world. But it was a shitty thing to say. Hey, but as long as you thought it was funny... "

For example, where I grew up 40ish years ago, those that were destined to go to community college and/or work at McDonalds constantly made fun of the Calculus kids from the moment they met them in kindergarten until they quit HS or finished their makeup English classes and graduated. The Calculus kids had been thinking what the teacher said for YEARS. They would NEVER have made fun of anyone because they had faced it for YEARS and would have gotten pummeled if they tried.

Luckily, things in MC today are better than they were when/where I grew up. But I can tell you that where I grew up, the teachers did tell such stories to encourage the Calculus kids but they were very careful about who was in the room because if the wrong kids heard such things, being a teacher was no protection at all.

"No s/he's not. You're an a-hole if you think it's ok for a teacher to encourage "the top kids" to laugh at/make fun of people who go to community college or work at McDonalds."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very surprised at the comment about signing up for subject tests. Who leaves that in a kids hands? I have signed up my daughter for all her standardized tests, hired her tutor, researched and bought her prep books. I view that as my job as her parent. The kids have more than enough to do during junior year.

Well, I left it up to all 3 of my kids, and they all ended up going to USNWR top 10 schools. They're pretty independent and self-motivated, though I did have to give them my AMEX number to pay for the tests.

[Anonymous]

Op, what schools do you think would be good for him - curriculum-wise and for you financially. Have your own list even if you don't necessarily share it with him. You can insist that he see a few. He isn't going to want you to pick his school - of course not - he will likely get in gear. Your anxiety will be less if you've done something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am very surprised at the comment about signing up for subject tests. Who leaves that in a kids hands? I have signed up my daughter for all her standardized tests, hired her tutor, researched and bought her prep books. I view that as my job as her parent. The kids have more than enough to do during junior year.

OP here. My son is taking the ACT in June. He may take the SAT in the fall. SAT subject tests are not required for his interests, so why would I bother to sign him up for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what schools do you think would be good for him - curriculum-wise and for you financially. Have your own list even if you don't necessarily share it with him. You can insist that he see a few. He isn't going to want you to pick his school - of course not - he will likely get in gear. Your anxiety will be less if you've done something.

Thanks, PP. That's what others have advised as well and I have made a nominal list. I also got him a Fiske's Guide to look at this summer. For a kid who's unlikely to spend a lot of time researching colleges on the internet, I thought a book with teen accessible summaries (and I love the sections where they cite strong programs at the school and what other colleges are similar) would be a good start for him. Even those baby steps have brought the anxiety meter down for me.

[Anonymous]

Definitely wait until school's out to start to focus. How is your DS's college counselor. Is he in public or private? A counselor can make a huge difference and alleviate the battles between parent and child.

My DS is a senior in private school. Last year, he wouldn't consider talking to us about schools. Like the wine analogy, it is a big scary thing out there and without context it is pretty impossible for a 17 year old to come up with a list of schools. DS's counselors at school were great and he could talk to them without us. Of course, we had meetings with all of us there. Another thing I did was to hire a college consultant to try to find schools that would be a good fit for him. He clicked with her and they quickly developed a working list. We were glad to help but we were clearly just adding stress for him. She guided him through the Common App and the rest of the application process. Yes, he did submit the common app on the last possible day for some of his early action schools. She was a neutral third party he respected and listened to. DS's school counselors were seriously great, but the added consultant made us not the "bad guys." We didn't have to nag him. She reminded him. Obviously, DH and I worked with her too about types of colleges, sizes of schools, geographic locations. Ultimately, we all agreed on 11 schools schools (easy to do so many with the common app) and he got into 10 of the 11 he applied at.

It is really hard to be zen, but do whatever you can to make the process as zen-like as possible. DH and I are tremendous Type A people, so it was hard to let go. I know he is very happy with his choice and he really "owns" the choice.

If you can't find zen, red wine is a quick substitute.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take him to McDonald's this week to explore alternate career tracks. My old HS calculus teacher used to say that there's a French fry machine out there for all of us.

OMG, I think we had the same Calc teacher! Mine also used to tell us if we didn't do well, we could just go to NOVA (whose mascot, he told us, was Ricky the Roadkill).

I laughed along at the time, but now that I'm older, I think that was really elitist and inappropriate!

Wow, as a parent of a kid with a disability who will likely start at our local community college, I have to say that stories like that are what makes school so incredibly hard for my kid.

I thought it was very funny, and only slightly inappropriate. After all, this is a high school calculus class! Most kids taking calculus are likely to go on to somewhat competitive colleges.

Yes, I'm the original PP and it was definitely intended as a joke for a certain audience - these were the top kids in our class.

It was a very insensitive joke and I would not expect a teacher to joke that way with students who have to interact with those less fortunate. It sends a terrible message. When the teacher jokes like that, kids feel like they have license to joke and tease about it too. The PP is right - this is the type of "joking" that makes it hard for kids who are on a different path because the message it sends is that those "calculus" kids are somehow better than the others. And when HS immaturity comes into play... guess what. I am one of the PP's and I am not overly sensitive about it. My kid is on a good path, is happy and has found a comfortable place in the world. But it was a shitty thing to say. Hey, but as long as you thought it was funny...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very surprised at the comment about signing up for subject tests. Who leaves that in a kids hands? I have signed up my daughter for all her standardized tests, hired her tutor, researched and bought her prep books. I view that as my job as her parent. The kids have more than enough to do during junior year.

OP here. My son is taking the ACT in June. He may take the SAT in the fall. SAT subject tests are not required for his interests, so why would I bother to sign him up for them.

Hopefully, your DS will not become interested down the road in a school that requires or 'recommends' subject tests. You never know. That said, the ACT pretty much covers it all. Mostly 'elite' schools are the only ones who 'recommend' subject tests anyway.