11th grade son won't discuss college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine knowing almost nothing about wine and walking into a wine store for the first time. White, red, sparkling? California, Chilean, French, German, Italian, Spanish? Chardonnay or Sauvignon blanc? Merlot or Pinot or burgundy? What the heck is shiraz? $10 or $50? Oh, geez, look at the specialty beers over there. Someone starts trying to help you: Do you like a sweet wine or dry? Something full-bodied? Imagine the look on your face.

Some people know they are headed to the wine store and so they do lots of research before they go. They read up about the different wines and the qualities that differentiate them. They look up expert ratings and recommendations. They take notes and make lists and even spreadsheets. They go to some wine tastings.

And other people are like: for god's sake just give me a decent bottle and get me the heck out of here.

This is what I think the college search is like. And some kids just want someone to tell them what some decent bottles are.

This is really really good advice.

? I missed it What is the advice?

[Anonymous]

Senior year is when it seemed as if DS and friends really started thinking about college. I wouldn't say touring junior year was a waste of time but opinions really started to form later in the process. If you provide a broad exposure to school types this year, it's a good start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be in charge. Put structure into how to go about finding the right college. He has no clue.

This is terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be in charge. Put structure into how to go about finding the right college. He has no clue.

This is terrible advice.

doesn't sound like it would work with this kid anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine knowing almost nothing about wine and walking into a wine store for the first time. White, red, sparkling? California, Chilean, French, German, Italian, Spanish? Chardonnay or Sauvignon blanc? Merlot or Pinot or burgundy? What the heck is shiraz? $10 or $50? Oh, geez, look at the specialty beers over there. Someone starts trying to help you: Do you like a sweet wine or dry? Something full-bodied? Imagine the look on your face.

Some people know they are headed to the wine store and so they do lots of research before they go. They read up about the different wines and the qualities that differentiate them. They look up expert ratings and recommendations. They take notes and make lists and even spreadsheets. They go to some wine tastings.

And other people are like: for god's sake just give me a decent bottle and get me the heck out of here.

This is what I think the college search is like. And some kids just want someone to tell them what some decent bottles are.

This is really really good advice.

? I missed it What is the advice?

The advice is to put yourself in their shoes by imagining/remembering how it must feel to be confronted with a big decision, lots of choices, and little information. Your response as a parent might change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine knowing almost nothing about wine and walking into a wine store for the first time. White, red, sparkling? California, Chilean, French, German, Italian, Spanish? Chardonnay or Sauvignon blanc? Merlot or Pinot or burgundy? What the heck is shiraz? $10 or $50? Oh, geez, look at the specialty beers over there. Someone starts trying to help you: Do you like a sweet wine or dry? Something full-bodied? Imagine the look on your face.

Some people know they are headed to the wine store and so they do lots of research before they go. They read up about the different wines and the qualities that differentiate them. They look up expert ratings and recommendations. They take notes and make lists and even spreadsheets. They go to some wine tastings.

And other people are like: for god's sake just give me a decent bottle and get me the heck out of here.

This is what I think the college search is like. And some kids just want someone to tell them what some decent bottles are.

This is really really good advice.

? I missed it What is the advice?

The advice is to put yourself in their shoes by imagining/remembering how it must feel to be confronted with a big decision, lots of choices, and little information. Your response as a parent might change.

but the kid doesn't want to talk about it. Why do you assume an overabundance of choices is the reason for this? I doubt that has anything to do with it at all. Maybe he doesn't even want to buy wine. (He may not even care if he goes to college)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine knowing almost nothing about wine and walking into a wine store for the first time. White, red, sparkling? California, Chilean, French, German, Italian, Spanish? Chardonnay or Sauvignon blanc? Merlot or Pinot or burgundy? What the heck is shiraz? $10 or $50? Oh, geez, look at the specialty beers over there. Someone starts trying to help you: Do you like a sweet wine or dry? Something full-bodied? Imagine the look on your face.

Some people know they are headed to the wine store and so they do lots of research before they go. They read up about the different wines and the qualities that differentiate them. They look up expert ratings and recommendations. They take notes and make lists and even spreadsheets. They go to some wine tastings.

And other people are like: for god's sake just give me a decent bottle and get me the heck out of here.

This is what I think the college search is like. And some kids just want someone to tell them what some decent bottles are.

This is really really good advice.

? I missed it What is the advice?

The advice is to put yourself in their shoes by imagining/remembering how it must feel to be confronted with a big decision, lots of choices, and little information. Your response as a parent might change.

but the kid doesn't want to talk about it. Why do you assume an overabundance of choices is the reason for this? I doubt that has anything to do with it at all. Maybe he doesn't even want to buy wine. (He may not even care if he goes to college)

I didn't write it; I was just explaining it to you. I have no idea whether the issue is too many choices or that he's not interested or something else altogether. I do know that, although I agree with many that college is not for everyone, I would not be on board with foregoing the entire thing with no discussion. Even if the discussion is the child explaining why they don't think college is the right choice; I hope we are able to talk through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine knowing almost nothing about wine and walking into a wine store for the first time. White, red, sparkling? California, Chilean, French, German, Italian, Spanish? Chardonnay or Sauvignon blanc? Merlot or Pinot or burgundy? What the heck is shiraz? $10 or $50? Oh, geez, look at the specialty beers over there. Someone starts trying to help you: Do you like a sweet wine or dry? Something full-bodied? Imagine the look on your face.

Some people know they are headed to the wine store and so they do lots of research before they go. They read up about the different wines and the qualities that differentiate them. They look up expert ratings and recommendations. They take notes and make lists and even spreadsheets. They go to some wine tastings.

And other people are like: for god's sake just give me a decent bottle and get me the heck out of here.

This is what I think the college search is like. And some kids just want someone to tell them what some decent bottles are.

This is really really good advice.

? I missed it What is the advice?

The advice is to put yourself in their shoes by imagining/remembering how it must feel to be confronted with a big decision, lots of choices, and little information. Your response as a parent might change.

but the kid doesn't want to talk about it. Why do you assume an overabundance of choices is the reason for this? I doubt that has anything to do with it at all. Maybe he doesn't even want to buy wine. (He may not even care if he goes to college)

he better not. he is only HS junior!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine knowing almost nothing about wine and walking into a wine store for the first time. White, red, sparkling? California, Chilean, French, German, Italian, Spanish? Chardonnay or Sauvignon blanc? Merlot or Pinot or burgundy? What the heck is shiraz? $10 or $50? Oh, geez, look at the specialty beers over there. Someone starts trying to help you: Do you like a sweet wine or dry? Something full-bodied? Imagine the look on your face.

Some people know they are headed to the wine store and so they do lots of research before they go. They read up about the different wines and the qualities that differentiate them. They look up expert ratings and recommendations. They take notes and make lists and even spreadsheets. They go to some wine tastings.

And other people are like: for god's sake just give me a decent bottle and get me the heck out of here.

This is what I think the college search is like. And some kids just want someone to tell them what some decent bottles are.

This is really really good advice.

? I missed it What is the advice?

The advice is to put yourself in their shoes by imagining/remembering how it must feel to be confronted with a big decision, lots of choices, and little information. Your response as a parent might change.

but the kid doesn't want to talk about it. Why do you assume an overabundance of choices is the reason for this? I doubt that has anything to do with it at all. Maybe he doesn't even want to buy wine. (He may not even care if he goes to college)

he better not. he is only HS junior!

so are you is my guess

[Anonymous]

Take him to McDonald's this week to explore alternate career tracks. My old HS calculus teacher used to say that there's a French fry machine out there for all of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine knowing almost nothing about wine and walking into a wine store for the first time. White, red, sparkling? California, Chilean, French, German, Italian, Spanish? Chardonnay or Sauvignon blanc? Merlot or Pinot or burgundy? What the heck is shiraz? $10 or $50? Oh, geez, look at the specialty beers over there. Someone starts trying to help you: Do you like a sweet wine or dry? Something full-bodied? Imagine the look on your face.

Some people know they are headed to the wine store and so they do lots of research before they go. They read up about the different wines and the qualities that differentiate them. They look up expert ratings and recommendations. They take notes and make lists and even spreadsheets. They go to some wine tastings.

And other people are like: for god's sake just give me a decent bottle and get me the heck out of here.

This is what I think the college search is like. And some kids just want someone to tell them what some decent bottles are.

This is really really good advice.

? I missed it What is the advice?

The advice is to put yourself in their shoes by imagining/remembering how it must feel to be confronted with a big decision, lots of choices, and little information. Your response as a parent might change.

but the kid doesn't want to talk about it. Why do you assume an overabundance of choices is the reason for this? I doubt that has anything to do with it at all. Maybe he doesn't even want to buy wine. (He may not even care if he goes to college)

he better not. he is only HS junior!

so are you is my guess

well, your guess is wrong but it's okay. little uptight this morning, aren't we??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Imagine knowing almost nothing about wine and walking into a wine store for the first time. White, red, sparkling? California, Chilean, French, German, Italian, Spanish? Chardonnay or Sauvignon blanc? Merlot or Pinot or burgundy? What the heck is shiraz? $10 or $50? Oh, geez, look at the specialty beers over there. Someone starts trying to help you: Do you like a sweet wine or dry? Something full-bodied? Imagine the look on your face.

Some people know they are headed to the wine store and so they do lots of research before they go. They read up about the different wines and the qualities that differentiate them. They look up expert ratings and recommendations. They take notes and make lists and even spreadsheets. They go to some wine tastings.

And other people are like: for god's sake just give me a decent bottle and get me the heck out of here.

This is what I think the college search is like. And some kids just want someone to tell them what some decent bottles are.

I love this analogy. OP, my 11th grade DD is also very resistant to talking about college right now. I think it is a combination of being overwhelmed with all the options (see above), scared about the future, and overworked from a typically tough 11th grade year. Perfectly normal reactions. Just so she can get used to the idea of college, I have made her go on a few college visits to schools that I thought would be good matches. Mainly I am backing away for right now to give her time to think over what she wants and just get through the rest of this school year. I’m hoping that once the stress of junior year is over and the excitement of senior year kicks in, the motivation to start planning will be there also.

[Anonymous]

Op, DH & I are graduates of big state publics and liked our experience. Since our DD didn't seem to have a large publics and said we'd like her to choose 10. Meanwhile, we took her to visit our in-state publics and continued to gauge her interest to look elsewhere. We tried not to stress about it. She didn't want to visit. She always said she was busy - busy with varsity sports, busy with homecoming. She was very engaged in HS and an excellent student. In the end we insisted that she apply to 3 in-state schools and she chose 7 others including 1 private, that in the end, we couldn't afford. She got into most, had not visited all. She chose an out-of-state public which has been a wonderful choice. She has been vey happy.

[Anonymous]

meant ~ Since our DD didn't seem to have a clue, we said we'd like her to choose 10.

[Anonymous]

09:21 again. "Fit" is much more important for privates.