Hate being a woman in the the dating scene

[Anonymous]

Op here. Wow, this thread really blew up since the last time I checked.

I am not interested in having a sexless, platonic relationship. By the end of our third date, I had spent maybe eight hours total with this guy in my entire life. For me, that's not enough time to know whether or not I like and trust someone enough to sleep with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow, this thread really blew up since the last time I checked.

I am not interested in having a sexless, platonic relationship. By the end of our third date, I had spent maybe eight hours total with this guy in my entire life. For me, that's not enough time to know whether or not I like and trust someone enough to sleep with him.

You should stick with that logic, seriously.

Partly why relationships fail is because people rush things such as sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That's interesting. My friends are very much all "he's not that into you." How would I "try"? I don't feel comfortable asking out a guy generally, much less a guy who knows he probably could have gotten me to go home with him since I had the date before but didn't even try.

You're a mental mess, full of contradictory thoughts and feelings. Obviously you don't leave your comfort zone much, which is why you have trouble relating to today's modern man and modern relationships.

Time to chin up, honey, and take some risks before your next suitor has to dust off your vagina before using it.

If today's modern man expects to "use my vagina" after any amount of dates I think I'll pass. Today's modern vibrators will likely be more satisfying for me. After 3 dates I usually decide whether to continue dating - because i like sex. Need to feel secure in a relationship to enjoy it though, so if it doesn't seem to be happening I will move on. You guys putting down women for not having sex after the three date minimum should just pay for sex in the first place. Why the dating charade? Maybe you are gay I don't know but you obviously have a low opinion of women.
I'm sorry op. Hope you find a decent guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After you put the brakes on, he may've wondered if you were into him. And then on your last date maybe something told him that you're not, even if that's not true.

Dude here, and yes, that's likely it. It also depends very much on how she "put the brakes on". Sounds like he very much respected her boundaries...maybe he's just not a creep, and thinks you're not into him.

I had an experience like this with a woman I crushed on for several years; every single time I asked her on a date or tried to engage in an activity, she quickly said yes, and we enjoyed each other's company, but every time I tried to even kiss her, she applied the "brakes". Well, I don't want to be boorish, and I can take a hint.

I ran into her later at the grocery store of all places, after I'd met and married someone else, and she could barely be polite to make conversation when asking about the new baby. I am still mystified, but I would kind of avoid her if I ran into her again.

[Anonymous]

If he was looking to spend time with a friend, he'd just go hang out with his buddies, play some ball, it would be a lot less drama.

Throw him the P****!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dudes here lie like rugs about all this third date fucking so ignore that. A decent guy who is interested in more than just bending you over will wait until you feel comfortable.

Yup. Agree with this. If he's into you, OP, he will get in touch.

Thanks. So you don't think I should in a few days tex him (but not ask him out)? Just wait to see if he gets in touch with me?

What are you hoping to gain from texting him?

Op here.

Well....I think the main reason I'd text him would be in case I sent mixed signals and he withdrew as a result. So maybe if I texted him - he has almost always been the one to initiate texting and he has always asked me out - maybe I'd be sending a signal that I'd be up for going out again. I wouldn't ask him out, though, after the way he acted on our last date.

I dunno though. I still kinda think if he was into me he would have persisted even if I did send mixed signals. And I agreed to go on a fourth date with him, so.....I think that's a pretty strong signal of interest.

[Anonymous]

Sigh. Have you people heard about the revolutionary concept of talking to each other? Mixed signals my ass. God I hate these games! LOL

[Anonymous]

Just give a BJ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After you put the brakes on, he may've wondered if you were into him. And then on your last date maybe something told him that you're not, even if that's not true.

Dude here, and yes, that's likely it. It also depends very much on how she "put the brakes on". Sounds like he very much respected her boundaries...maybe he's just not a creep, and thinks you're not into him.

I had an experience like this with a woman I crushed on for several years; every single time I asked her on a date or tried to engage in an activity, she quickly said yes, and we enjoyed each other's company, but every time I tried to even kiss her, she applied the "brakes". Well, I don't want to be boorish, and I can take a hint.

I ran into her later at the grocery store of all places, after I'd met and married someone else, and she could barely be polite to make conversation when asking about the new baby. I am still mystified, but I would kind of avoid her if I ran into her again.

Not to get too graphic, but....basically when he tried to take my underwear off I kind of shifted and pulled the underwear back up.....the other detail being I had my period and while generally that doesn't stop me from doing anything, I felt it was less awkward to keep my underwear on than tell him or bleed all over his sheets.... I think he took that to mean not to go anywhere in that region which wasn't what I wanted - I basically just wanted any touching to be over my underwear - but I didn't really communicate that well - I think he thought I was just generally pushing his hand away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly how people end up in sexless marriages.

I'm female, and I still don't get this. If you are not interested in the carnal side of things, why date at all? Get out with friends who don't mind keeping it completely platonic.

No it's not. Are you saying that your grandmother or anyones grandma who had up to 15 kids but didn't put out on the first date had a sexless marriage? Just because we are a modern society doesn't mean we should do what everyone else expects us to do.

Things change. For example, back then "consent" wasn't widely recognized as a crucial part of marital sex. Best to just get the sexual compatibility thing worked out up front so you don't face unilateral celibacy or worse, some sort of rape or coercion, later on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After you put the brakes on, he may've wondered if you were into him. And then on your last date maybe something told him that you're not, even if that's not true.

Dude here, and yes, that's likely it. It also depends very much on how she "put the brakes on". Sounds like he very much respected her boundaries...maybe he's just not a creep, and thinks you're not into him.

I had an experience like this with a woman I crushed on for several years; every single time I asked her on a date or tried to engage in an activity, she quickly said yes, and we enjoyed each other's company, but every time I tried to even kiss her, she applied the "brakes". Well, I don't want to be boorish, and I can take a hint.

I ran into her later at the grocery store of all places, after I'd met and married someone else, and she could barely be polite to make conversation when asking about the new baby. I am still mystified, but I would kind of avoid her if I ran into her again.

Not to get too graphic, but....basically when he tried to take my underwear off I kind of shifted and pulled the underwear back up.....the other detail being I had my period and while generally that doesn't stop me from doing anything, I felt it was less awkward to keep my underwear on than tell him or bleed all over his sheets.... I think he took that to mean not to go anywhere in that region which wasn't what I wanted - I basically just wanted any touching to be over my underwear - but I didn't really communicate that well - I think he thought I was just generally pushing his hand away.

I am the PP you are replying to, and based on what you've said, I really think you need to do as the PP upstream says, "use your words" - just talk to him. It doesn't sound like you're actually averse to getting physical with this guy - you don't have to explain about your period, just tell him you weren't really ready right then, but you are interested. You can say something like "I think I might've given you the wrong signals".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After you put the brakes on, he may've wondered if you were into him. And then on your last date maybe something told him that you're not, even if that's not true.

Dude here, and yes, that's likely it. It also depends very much on how she "put the brakes on". Sounds like he very much respected her boundaries...maybe he's just not a creep, and thinks you're not into him.

I had an experience like this with a woman I crushed on for several years; every single time I asked her on a date or tried to engage in an activity, she quickly said yes, and we enjoyed each other's company, but every time I tried to even kiss her, she applied the "brakes". Well, I don't want to be boorish, and I can take a hint.

I ran into her later at the grocery store of all places, after I'd met and married someone else, and she could barely be polite to make conversation when asking about the new baby. I am still mystified, but I would kind of avoid her if I ran into her again.

Not to get too graphic, but....basically when he tried to take my underwear off I kind of shifted and pulled the underwear back up.....the other detail being I had my period and while generally that doesn't stop me from doing anything, I felt it was less awkward to keep my underwear on than tell him or bleed all over his sheets.... I think he took that to mean not to go anywhere in that region which wasn't what I wanted - I basically just wanted any touching to be over my underwear - but I didn't really communicate that well - I think he thought I was just generally pushing his hand away.

I am the PP you are replying to, and based on what you've said, I really think you need to do as the PP upstream says, "use your words" - just talk to him. It doesn't sound like you're actually averse to getting physical with this guy - you don't have to explain about your period, just tell him you weren't really ready right then, but you are interested. You can say something like "I think I might've given you the wrong signals".

Thanks. I also left my pants on....don't know if that's an important detail.

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't seen anything on here about what YOU want and like. Do you even like this guy? Or are you just feeling miffed that he blew you off? Are you attracted to him? Think about what YOU want and then act on it. No more mixed signals that way.

[Anonymous]

OP why don't you just move on? This guy doesn't sound like he's all that. As a woman dating in DC, I found it ridiculously easy.

[Anonymous]

tell him you want a do-over