Hate being a woman in the the dating scene

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not playing hard to get.

I'm just want to get to know someone well before sleeping with him. I don't want to sleep with someone too soon and then find out later he's a jerk or doesn't like me.

Oh poor you. You sound like a teenager. No relationship lasts forever and you're not entitled to any specific length of a relationship, be it long or short. You're lucky if this guy sticks around for another date, with the way you're treating him. If you treated me this way, I'd never talk to you again.

If you're not attracted to him, find someone else's time to waste.

Ignore this person. Not having sex by the third date is mistreating someone? Give me a break.

I'm sorry, OP. This sucks, but clearly this guy was looking for sex, and recognized you were looking for more. It would have been worse if you slept together, then he disappeared. He isn't the guy for you.

Seriously, talk about entitled. Men here really feel that they are owed sex after a third date?? ???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Seriously, talk about entitled. Men here really feel that they are owed sex after a third date?? ???

If the man paid for the dates. ....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After you put the brakes on, he may've wondered if you were into him. And then on your last date maybe something told him that you're not, even if that's not true.

Dude here, and yes, that's likely it. It also depends very much on how she "put the brakes on". Sounds like he very much respected her boundaries...maybe he's just not a creep, and thinks you're not into him.

I had an experience like this with a woman I crushed on for several years; every single time I asked her on a date or tried to engage in an activity, she quickly said yes, and we enjoyed each other's company, but every time I tried to even kiss her, she applied the "brakes". Well, I don't want to be boorish, and I can take a hint.

I ran into her later at the grocery store of all places, after I'd met and married someone else, and she could barely be polite to make conversation when asking about the new baby. I am still mystified, but I would kind of avoid her if I ran into her again.

I'm thinking she just wanted you around for attention. Quick Q -- was she 'friendlier" when you introduced a possible girlfriend to her?

If it were genuine Platonic friendship, she'd be happy you were doing well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not playing hard to get.

I'm just want to get to know someone well before sleeping with him. I don't want to sleep with someone too soon and then find out later he's a jerk or doesn't like me.

Oh poor you. You sound like a teenager. No relationship lasts forever and you're not entitled to any specific length of a relationship, be it long or short. You're lucky if this guy sticks around for another date, with the way you're treating him. If you treated me this way, I'd never talk to you again.

If you're not attracted to him, find someone else's time to waste.

Ignore this person. Not having sex by the third date is mistreating someone? Give me a break.

I'm sorry, OP. This sucks, but clearly this guy was looking for sex, and recognized you were looking for more. It would have been worse if you slept together, then he disappeared. He isn't the guy for you.

Seriously, talk about entitled. Men here really feel that they are owed sex after a third date?? ???

They are entitled to accept no sex after a third date as a lack of interest from the woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dudes here lie like rugs about all this third date fucking so ignore that. A decent guy who is interested in more than just bending you over will wait until you feel comfortable.

Yup. Agree with this. If he's into you, OP, he will get in touch.

Thanks. So you don't think I should in a few days tex him (but not ask him out)? Just wait to see if he gets in touch with me?

What are you hoping to gain from texting him?

Op here.

Well....I think the main reason I'd text him would be in case I sent mixed signals and he withdrew as a result. So maybe if I texted him - he has almost always been the one to initiate texting and he has always asked me out - maybe I'd be sending a signal that I'd be up for going out again. I wouldn't ask him out, though, after the way he acted on our last date.

I dunno though. I still kinda think if he was into me he would have persisted even if I did send mixed signals. And I agreed to go on a fourth date with him, so.....I think that's a pretty strong signal of interest.

Not necessarily. Some women -- certainly not all, but enough -- are just happy for a free meal or want to do something because there's nothing else going on at the moment.

And comments like the bolded are bound to confuse men. Most men just choose to play it safe, other men may get the girl sometimes but then get the girl's restraining orders other times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After you put the brakes on, he may've wondered if you were into him. And then on your last date maybe something told him that you're not, even if that's not true.

Dude here, and yes, that's likely it. It also depends very much on how she "put the brakes on". Sounds like he very much respected her boundaries...maybe he's just not a creep, and thinks you're not into him.

I had an experience like this with a woman I crushed on for several years; every single time I asked her on a date or tried to engage in an activity, she quickly said yes, and we enjoyed each other's company, but every time I tried to even kiss her, she applied the "brakes". Well, I don't want to be boorish, and I can take a hint.

I ran into her later at the grocery store of all places, after I'd met and married someone else, and she could barely be polite to make conversation when asking about the new baby. I am still mystified, but I would kind of avoid her if I ran into her again.

Not to get too graphic, but....basically when he tried to take my underwear off I kind of shifted and pulled the underwear back up.....the other detail being I had my period and while generally that doesn't stop me from doing anything, I felt it was less awkward to keep my underwear on than tell him or bleed all over his sheets.... I think he took that to mean not to go anywhere in that region which wasn't what I wanted - I basically just wanted any touching to be over my underwear - but I didn't really communicate that well - I think he thought I was just generally pushing his hand away.

I am the PP you are replying to, and based on what you've said, I really think you need to do as the PP upstream says, "use your words" - just talk to him. It doesn't sound like you're actually averse to getting physical with this guy - you don't have to explain about your period, just tell him you weren't really ready right then, but you are interested. You can say something like "I think I might've given you the wrong signals".

Thanks. I also left my pants on....don't know if that's an important detail.

Really?!? Troll...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Heh you so called (happily married) women wouldnt be on here if you didnt have issues.

People may have issues not related to their marriages. Shocking, I know.

You are wasting time going through the relationship forum so yeah you are having an issue with something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly how people end up in sexless marriages.

I'm female, and I still don't get this. If you are not interested in the carnal side of things, why date at all? Get out with friends who don't mind keeping it completely platonic.

Because not everyone thinks like you? Get over yourself.

Oh, I'm over myself. I'm happily married OP is not.

+1! Another happily married woman here. DC has had an unwritten third date rule pretty much since the 1980s! I had a fifth date rule myself and I let him know this because I wanted him to know that I really wanted to get to know him first. Now, of course, I realize that you can't really know someone that early on, but when can you really know anyone? Anyway, sure enough DH and I had sex on the fifth date, and it did develop into a relationship, but there are no guarantees.

The point is that everyone is busy, this guy is devoting time to OP, and OP is unsure of what she wants. OP, figure it out, and tell him ... or the next guy, whatever works out ... but remember that both parties have expectations, realistic or not.

Oh, BTW, Washington is not #5 in STD rates, it's #10: https://www.stdcheck.com/blog/top-10-us-cities-positive-std-tests/

10 in the US is pretty high but it is 5 for hiv. So say you or the OP arr browsing tinder the number 1 hookup app for women and you meet a guy and hit it off and hookup then he tells you that he was a sex offender would you feel slezy or great for giving it up to him now?

Excuse me, what you talking about? This is one of the most confusing posts I've ever read on DCUM, and that says so much!

What exactly is difficult to comprehend? I gave you a scenario and you did not give a response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Gross! So you'd sleep with a woman after a few dates? You don't know her. What is you end up with sores or bumps for life? oh wait nevermind i guess if you are doing this on a regular basis you already got every skin disease known to man.

Yes, I would. Most people do this also.

As for skin disease, I slept with a lot of women in my 20s', and never once got a skin disease.. and I wasn't that careful either. It's just not that common.

If not the big H then you probably got chlamydia or gonorrhea since you weren't 'that careful'. Yes it is actually common. DC has the highest number at number 5 of STD occurences.

Chlamydia and gonorrhea are not skin diseases. I did get those in my 20s 2-3 times, and antibiotics cleared it up. This was from almost 10 years of really wild behavior. I guess I'm just lucky.

Yes I know it is not a skin disease but they are std's and you implied you were std free despite sleeping around and not being careful or you wouldve said in your previous post that you didnt get a skin disease but yeah you got other std's by sleeping around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Gross! So you'd sleep with a woman after a few dates? You don't know her. What is you end up with sores or bumps for life? oh wait nevermind i guess if you are doing this on a regular basis you already got every skin disease known to man.

Yes, I would. Most people do this also.

As for skin disease, I slept with a lot of women in my 20s', and never once got a skin disease.. and I wasn't that careful either. It's just not that common.

If not the big H then you probably got chlamydia or gonorrhea since you weren't 'that careful'. Yes it is actually common. DC has the highest number at number 5 of STD occurences.

Chlamydia and gonorrhea are not skin diseases. I did get those in my 20s 2-3 times, and antibiotics cleared it up. This was from almost 10 years of really wild behavior. I guess I'm just lucky.

Yes I know it is not a skin disease but they are std's and you implied you were std free despite sleeping around and not being careful or you wouldve said in your previous post that you didnt get a skin disease but yeah you got other std's by sleeping around.

Female here who enjoyed a lot of sex in my late teens and early 20s. For years I was more of anFWB type than a relationship type. Was regularly screened for STIs and happy to report that at 30 and now happily married, I have remained STI free

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dudes here lie like rugs about all this third date fucking so ignore that. A decent guy who is interested in more than just bending you over will wait until you feel comfortable.

Yup. Agree with this. If he's into you, OP, he will get in touch.

Thanks. So you don't think I should in a few days tex him (but not ask him out)? Just wait to see if he gets in touch with me?

What are you hoping to gain from texting him?

Op here.

Well....I think the main reason I'd text him would be in case I sent mixed signals and he withdrew as a result. So maybe if I texted him - he has almost always been the one to initiate texting and he has always asked me out - maybe I'd be sending a signal that I'd be up for going out again. I wouldn't ask him out, though, after the way he acted on our last date.

I dunno though. I still kinda think if he was into me he would have persisted even if I did send mixed signals. And I agreed to go on a fourth date with him, so.....I think that's a pretty strong signal of interest.

Not necessarily. Some women -- certainly not all, but enough -- are just happy for a free meal or want to do something because there's nothing else going on at the moment.

And comments like the bolded are bound to confuse men. Most men just choose to play it safe, other men may get the girl sometimes but then get the girl's restraining orders other times.

Thanks. Op here. I want to clarify what I meant above. I definitely did not mean I thought he should have persisted physically with me that night if I was sending him mixed signals - defn the guy should go with the "slow down" signal rather than pushing ahead. I just meant I thought he'd continue to ask me out if he was into me. I mean, I did go home with him on the third date and agreed to a fourth date - why ask me out again if you aren't interested?

Anyway....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not playing hard to get.

I'm just want to get to know someone well before sleeping with him. I don't want to sleep with someone too soon and then find out later he's a jerk or doesn't like me.

Oh poor you. You sound like a teenager. No relationship lasts forever and you're not entitled to any specific length of a relationship, be it long or short. You're lucky if this guy sticks around for another date, with the way you're treating him. If you treated me this way, I'd never talk to you again.

If you're not attracted to him, find someone else's time to waste.

Ignore this person. Not having sex by the third date is mistreating someone? Give me a break.

I'm sorry, OP. This sucks, but clearly this guy was looking for sex, and recognized you were looking for more. It would have been worse if you slept together, then he disappeared. He isn't the guy for you.

Seriously, talk about entitled. Men here really feel that they are owed sex after a third date?? ???

They are entitled to accept no sex after a third date as a lack of interest from the woman.

troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not playing hard to get.

I'm just want to get to know someone well before sleeping with him. I don't want to sleep with someone too soon and then find out later he's a jerk or doesn't like me.

Oh poor you. You sound like a teenager. No relationship lasts forever and you're not entitled to any specific length of a relationship, be it long or short. You're lucky if this guy sticks around for another date, with the way you're treating him. If you treated me this way, I'd never talk to you again.

If you're not attracted to him, find someone else's time to waste.

Ignore this person. Not having sex by the third date is mistreating someone? Give me a break.

I'm sorry, OP. This sucks, but clearly this guy was looking for sex, and recognized you were looking for more. It would have been worse if you slept together, then he disappeared. He isn't the guy for you.

Seriously, talk about entitled. Men here really feel that they are owed sex after a third date?? ???

They are entitled to accept no sex after a third date as a lack of interest from the woman.

troll.

LOL so men aren't allowed to have their thoughts anymore?

[Anonymous]

OP, perhaps the mixed signals gave him pause. COMMUNICATE. You seem to be putting all the work on him.

And be clear in the future. " Hey Larlo Inreally like hanging out but want to wait until we get to know each other better. How about dinner Friday." Expecting a guy to read and interpret mixed signals this early on is a recipe for disaster. Most guys will decide it isnt worth the effort (i would) and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly how people end up in sexless marriages.

I'm female, and I still don't get this. If you are not interested in the carnal side of things, why date at all? Get out with friends who don't mind keeping it completely platonic.

Early sex doesn't mean sexual it just means conformist. Ever heard the expression still waters run deep?

If a woman wants to wait dor a couple of months or wants to blow you on date 1 dont assume it means anything about their longterm libido.