Dating/marrying outside of your social class?

[Anonymous]

Yes, everyone knows you use the LEFT hand to put that stick in your ass.

[Anonymous]

Temper, temper. Very low-class.

[Anonymous]

I used to know a plumber. He had perfect table and other manners. I am also good friends with a former driver--same thing. The correlation between social class and manners is much weaker than some of you think.

[Anonymous]

I identify with the posters (surgeon's wife, VP of Salesperson's wife) who find their husbands kind of drab outside of work.

I am married to a professor who is not particularly stimulating beyond his very esoteric professional passion. I love him, and am happy in my marriage.

But if he died tomorrow and I was back on the market, I would be more open to men with varied backgrounds this time around. I would definitely be willing to date an intellectually curious blue collar guy as long as he was smart and disciplined.

I think maybe men who are able to make it in very competitive fields have to be super hyper focused. Breadth and curiosity and passion unfortunately can tend to derail careers. I would know, hehe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:lol, blue collar is a professional class, not a social class.

You seem to have shallow tastes. That will get you exactly what you want, so don't worry about other people, OK?

you are bing very naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents grew up poor, reached lower MC, ran into financial trouble under Reagan and I grew up painfully poor with MC values. Worked from age 12. Sometimes multiple jobs. Went to college, grad school. Married an UMC guy who was supported by Mommy while he figured out life. Divorced. Met and am about to marry a guy whose parents were working class/lower MC aspirant. He's a vet, has two advanced degrees. We're able to code switch between being down to earth practical problem solvers and being intellectually stimulating. It's the best of both worlds.

Under Reagan? They survived Carter fine, but ran aground under Reagan? So dad was an air traffic controller?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

Then you haven't met my dad's extended family. They have college degrees and office jobs and repeat the same dumb Fox News crap. I've actually met plenty of white-collar people who are ignorant and bigoted. Working in an office doesn't make you intelligent or thoughtful.

Now THAT is an understatement. I have actually found plenty of Democrats in my white collar world of law & finance, but usually in the associate ranks. They leave to take up less demanding jobs in-house or in government, where they have more time to catch up on the Huffington Post and the Daily Kos. These are the same Obama pajama-boys that watched Jon Stewart and now don't know who is supposed to tell them what to think. Sad really, but they tend to have fewer children so in the long run things should work out fine.

[Anonymous]

My ex came from UMC families. Didn't graduate high school, got a GED and some trade certifications, makes $100k+ with no student loans. Knows how to set a table *and* change a tire, reads Dostoyevsky for fun. But go ahead and eliminate him now, OP, someone else will gladly snatch him up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are definitely blue collar men. My FIL is the classic ignorant, bigoted, bitter blue collar white man that forms the backbone of the republican party. Due to his lack of education, he is unworldly, too stupid to know he is stupid, and believes all sorts of racist canards. I have met many cops, firefighters, plumbers etc like him. It is not very often that I meet white collar professionals who are so unintelligent and backwards.

You've never met my white but identifies as another, professional liberal lazy good for nothing dirty highly educated chronically unemployed BIL.

My sister must have brain damage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I identify with the posters (surgeon's wife, VP of Salesperson's wife) who find their husbands kind of drab outside of work.

I am married to a professor who is not particularly stimulating beyond his very esoteric professional passion. I love him, and am happy in my marriage.

But if he died tomorrow and I was back on the market, I would be more open to men with varied backgrounds this time around. I would definitely be willing to date an intellectually curious blue collar guy as long as he was smart and disciplined.

I think maybe men who are able to make it in very competitive fields have to be super hyper focused. Breadth and curiosity and passion unfortunately can tend to derail careers. I would know, hehe.

I identify with this as well. I appreciate the drive and focus my husband has towards his career. However, he's boring in other areas. Now my long term boyfriend was lazy and interesting. You can't win.

[Anonymous]

I'm dealing with the right now with my boyfriend.

He thinks it's snobby to want nice things, live in a good school district, participate in certain activities, etc. He thinks it's trying to keep up with the Jones' if you desire to move to a bigger house, buy a new car, etc.

I can sense he's uncomfortable in social situations with people who are upper middle class, not knowing exactly what to say. Although, he doesn't admit it, and since he's been around truly wealthy, old money (lived in Middleburg, VA) he thinks he *gets* these people, and he doesn't. Not at all. And it's little social nuances that he doesn't have, which get on my nerves.

It's frustrating and really making me think how we're going to raise kids, when we have two different viewpoints on how to approach life.

[Anonymous]

I'm UC girl married to a MC guy. My father is an Ambassador and I grew up in a bubble of the glamorous elite. I met my DH at a prestigious DC think tank and because he had received a very good quality education, I did not relaize my DH's middle class roots until I met his family. His parents are cute but very LM/MC. It's not really a problem except I don't really have much in common with them.

My DH is a curious mix of traits from both classes. He loves his Wild Turkey and white bred but enjoys reading history books for fun. He also entertains my tastes and takes me to the opera and the theater often.

I like that he has MC work ethic but UC tastes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm dealing with the right now with my boyfriend.

He thinks it's snobby to want nice things, live in a good school district, participate in certain activities, etc. He thinks it's trying to keep up with the Jones' if you desire to move to a bigger house, buy a new car, etc.

I can sense he's uncomfortable in social situations with people who are upper middle class, not knowing exactly what to say. Although, he doesn't admit it, and since he's been around truly wealthy, old money (lived in Middleburg, VA) he thinks he *gets* these people, and he doesn't. Not at all. And it's little social nuances that he doesn't have, which get on my nerves.

It's frustrating and really making me think how we're going to raise kids, when we have two different viewpoints on how to approach life.

PP here. Yes.

There ARE these subtle differences that I am noticing as we talk children. I want our children to go to the best preschool but he thinks they should go to the local church preschool. He thinks its elitist to try to eat healthy and makes fun of me for being another YUPPIE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was wondering how often this happens? I know of two coworkers who are married to blue collar men. I was surprised when I found out. Felt a little sorry for them like the had to settle, but they are both pretty charming smart and nice. I immediately rule on guys based on education and or profession. I just didn't think differences like that could work. Am I wrong?

Dead wrong.

People attract to each other for different reasons. What you do for a living doesn't define who you are as a person.

Try to go out and actually live your life to meet people if that's your goal. Stop wasting time asking these kinds of questions on DCUM or else I'm going to have go with the "+1" responses for why you're single.

PP, don't you get it?
OP WANTS to be single. S/he is using excuses to eliminate people.
OP, if you want a life with another human being, cast a wide net. Open your mind. Or else, accept the consequences of your inaction.

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. Last blue collar guy I dated burped during a dinner I cooked, then farted in my bed later that night. I have him a Tupperware container of leftovers and sent him on his merry way, No thank you! I married a white collar older man.