Am I obligated to emotionally support my sister?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.

So you can't be bigoted? Interesting.

OP here.

I deeply resent being called a "bigot" and the other awful comments thrown my way on this thread. There is a lot more at play here than simply the fact that he's white or christian. There is a MASSIVE culture and lifestyle gap between my family and a regular white western family.

Okay, so my sister gets along with this guy. But do they have similar values? Goals? Outlooks? How will they raise their children? What about the fact that our family doesn't drink or party and his family is made up of loud drinking parties. How will the two families ever socialize when they get together? ETC.

It sets up a couple for a lifelong struggle.

My sister likes to think that she's very different from us. You know, maybe she is. But her dating this guy seriously and stepping out of our culture and traditions and associating with a family that is SO FUNDAMENTALLY different than us just means that we will not be involved in her life.

Ok OP, so you are racist, xenophobic and a bigot against other religions. Paint it any color you like, but that's what you are describing.

Actually, the OP is right. Lots of couples marry but then spend their marriage dealing with in-law conflicts due to cultural differences, etc. because they naievely thought that they could blend their families.

This is solely the fault of the families who think they have the right to determine and enforce the choices of their adult children and siblings. If they truly lived and respected them, they would never try to manipulate their lives.

Relationships are built on mutual love and respect and boundaries. Sometimes those boundaries and expectations mean not significantly stepping outside of a mutually understood culture and tradition. When an adult child chooses to violate the terms and conditions of said relationship expectations and boundaries, it is only natural their relations with the rest of their family will suffer.

My parents are the type to go be mean to her or disown her or force her into anything. They just won't be excited for her or support her emotionally in this decision. To force them to act otherwise isn't right. Very authoritarian and paternalistic. Sadly, each generation experiences being under the thumb of the other and passes it on to the next. This in no way negates the racism involved in the scenario discussed. It is racist. The fact that it is culturally based racism doesn't mean it isn't racism and bigotry.

[Anonymous]

You're right. She should forget this kafir and his whole dirty kafir family. Because of what some ancient people at the mosque might think. Yuck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're right. She should forget this kafir and his whole dirty kafir family. Because of what some ancient people at the mosque might think. Yuck!

What is a kafir?

[Anonymous]

What an unbelievably depressing thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.

So you can't be bigoted? Interesting.

OP here.

I deeply resent being called a "bigot" and the other awful comments thrown my way on this thread. There is a lot more at play here than simply the fact that he's white or christian. There is a MASSIVE culture and lifestyle gap between my family and a regular white western family.

Okay, so my sister gets along with this guy. But do they have similar values? Goals? Outlooks? How will they raise their children? What about the fact that our family doesn't drink or party and his family is made up of loud drinking parties. How will the two families ever socialize when they get together? ETC.

It sets up a couple for a lifelong struggle.

My sister likes to think that she's very different from us. You know, maybe she is. But her dating this guy seriously and stepping out of our culture and traditions and associating with a family that is SO FUNDAMENTALLY different than us just means that we will not be involved in her life.

Ok OP, so you are racist, xenophobic and a bigot against other religions. Paint it any color you like, but that's what you are describing.

Actually, the OP is right. Lots of couples marry but then spend their marriage dealing with in-law conflicts due to cultural differences, etc. because they naievely thought that they could blend their families.

This is solely the fault of the families who think they have the right to determine and enforce the choices of their adult children and siblings. If they truly lived and respected them, they would never try to manipulate their lives.

Relationships are built on mutual love and respect and boundaries. Sometimes those boundaries and expectations mean not significantly stepping outside of a mutually understood culture and tradition. When an adult child chooses to violate the terms and conditions of said relationship expectations and boundaries, it is only natural their relations with the rest of their family will suffer.

My parents are the type to go be mean to her or disown her or force her into anything. They just won't be excited for her or support her emotionally in this decision. To force them to act otherwise isn't right.

Very authoritarian and paternalistic. Sadly, each generation experiences being under the thumb of the other and passes it on to the next. This in no way negates the racism involved in the scenario discussed. It is racist. The fact that it is culturally based racism doesn't mean it isn't racism and bigotry. .

Holy crap. Did you even read what you wrote. How about changing this to "To force my sister to live her life according to some one else's plan isn't right."?
Your sister seems to be the only mature one on the bunch. The rest sound like racist, bigoted, controlling, manipulating, heartless a-holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're right. She should forget this kafir and his whole dirty kafir family. Because of what some ancient people at the mosque might think. Yuck!

What is a kafir?

Infidel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What an unbelievably depressing thread.

It is a troll.

[Anonymous]

So it's cool for you to whore around with a white guy, but when your sister gets serious with one it's a problem? She can emotionally support you but you can't support her? I hope she cuts you off unless you change your tune.

[Anonymous]

It's clannish xenophobic families like this that do more harm to Muslims in America than any number of Allah Jihad nutcases.

OP, I'm a WASP. Why should I accept your presence in this country if you're going to be assholes obsessed with cultural purity?

[Anonymous]

Or I guess "No Irish need apply."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is not bigotry like you all think. Culture and family dynamics are quite different when it comes to Indian families.

So you can't be bigoted? Interesting.

OP here.

I deeply resent being called a "bigot" and the other awful comments thrown my way on this thread. There is a lot more at play here than simply the fact that he's white or christian. There is a MASSIVE culture and lifestyle gap between my family and a regular white western family.

Okay, so my sister gets along with this guy. But do they have similar values? Goals? Outlooks? How will they raise their children? What about the fact that our family doesn't drink or party and his family is made up of loud drinking parties. How will the two families ever socialize when they get together? ETC.

It sets up a couple for a lifelong struggle.

My sister likes to think that she's very different from us. You know, maybe she is. But her dating this guy seriously and stepping out of our culture and traditions and associating with a family that is SO FUNDAMENTALLY different than us just means that we will not be involved in her life.

Your sister is not the first or last person to date across religious, ethnic, cultural or socioeconomic lines. What will her spouse do? They will have to figure it out. It's not your job to decide it can't be resolved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. Also, don't get me wrong, my sister is very "westernized". She went to American middle and high schools AND went to college here. Her friendgroup has always consisted of westernized "brown" girls from the Arab world and Iran.

I always expected her to date other westernized muslims, sure. I think so did our parents. I just never imagined she'd step so far outside of what she knows. Right now she says that this is her decision and she knows what she is doing and she will deal with the fallout and the consequences of her choice.

And she's right. All of this is on her. But along with the life long cultural-religious conflict between the two families, what if she wakes up at 35 and decides she wants to go to the Mosque. Other people will ostracize her and any children she has. People change and I dunno...it just seems like such an extreme struggle to set yourself up to. She's young and non religious and has a lot in common with this guy. What happens when its Ramadan and she wants to pray or fast? What will he think?

I just think a lot more thought is required of this situation.

Assuming he's like most young adult Catholics I know, if she wakes up at 35 and wants to go to the Mosque and pray and fast, her potential DH will support her and think it's just fine.
Raising the kids is the one issue that really needs to be addressed - as a Catholic, he'd be required to raise his kids Catholic. She would have no obligation at all vis a vis the Catholic church, but obviously she may not what that. And he may not want it either - "Catholic" can mean any degree of actually practicing the religion.

[Anonymous]

Don't impede, don't promote.
Not because of this particular issue. Any issue. MYOB.

[Anonymous]

OP you are racist! I'm white married to a Bangladeshi guy and guess what we have no family problems. Your parents raised you wrong seriously. What a disgusting person you are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it's time for all of you to let go of your bigotry and racism and allow your sister to be happy.

People have different preferences. Some people don't want a family member to marry a black person or a jewish person or a blue color person. Dictating how someone feels about something is authoritarian.

My family is justified at feeling uncomfortable at her pick of a white christian guy. It doesn't make it PC but it is what it is.

Is does make it racist. Like it or not your sister is American and can do as she damn well pleases.