Is it okay to reveal an SO's secret to a loved one?

[Anonymous]

For me, i think it would depend on who the LO was to me. My brother? I'd tell. A cousin I see a few times a year? I'd keep my mouth shut.

But, I'm.close with my brother and know with 100% certainty that he would want me to tell him. And I would want someone to tell me. But we don't know your LO. Are you close enough to know what they'd want? If not, you may want err on silence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anonymouslynyrd send the pen video SO is in to your LO.

I thought about doing just this, but couldn't think of a way to do it that wouldn't come back to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me, i think it would depend on who the LO was to me. My brother? I'd tell. A cousin I see a few times a year? I'd keep my mouth shut.

But, I'm.close with my brother and know with 100% certainty that he would want me to tell him. And I would want someone to tell me. But we don't know your LO. Are you close enough to know what they'd want? If not, you may want err on silence.

We're close. which is why I'm concerned about all of this, but I can't say with 100% certainty what the reaction would be to me spilling the beans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anonymouslynyrd send the pen video SO is in to your LO.

I thought about doing just this, but couldn't think of a way to do it that wouldn't come back to me.

Fake hotmail account.

[Anonymous]

If it is Charlie Sheen, then I strongly encourage you to spill the beans.

Esp. if you live in CA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anonymouslynyrd send the pen video SO is in to your LO.

I thought about doing just this, but couldn't think of a way to do it that wouldn't come back to me.

Fake hotmail account.

I agree with this 100%. This way, you're ensuring your LO has the information without making them/their SO feel awkward around you if they already knew about it/decide to continue relationship once they find out. If there's some way to request a read receipt on the email, if do it, to make sure it didn't wind up deleted as junk since it was coming from an anonymous address. Or put something in the message to give the person instructions on how to find it themselves "Dear Bob, I think this is information you should have if you don't already. Please visit the following link or Google Amber+escort+Maryland and once you do, please just reply saying "I saw it." I promise you that I will never bring this up again or in person. Signed, someone who loves you"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anonymouslynyrd send the pen video SO is in to your LO.

I thought about doing just this, but couldn't think of a way to do it that wouldn't come back to me.

Fake hotmail account.

I agree with this 100%. This way, you're ensuring your LO has the information without making them/their SO feel awkward around you if they already knew about it/decide to continue relationship once they find out. If there's some way to request a read receipt on the email, if do it, to make sure it didn't wind up deleted as junk since it was coming from an anonymous address. Or put something in the message to give the person instructions on how to find it themselves "Dear Bob, I think this is information you should have if you don't already. Please visit the following link or Google Amber+escort+Maryland and once you do, please just reply saying "I saw it." I promise you that I will never bring this up again or in person. Signed, someone who loves you"

Ugh. How is that LESS drama? The intrigue! Create a fake email account! Request confirmation! Swear never to speak of it in person! Should the OP come up with a code name for herself too? "Deep Throat" is already taken and would be ill advised in this case anyway, but good lord, people.

OP, I didn't think you should tell. Your friend's or brother's girlfriend saying how wonderful he is may actually just mean that she thinks he's wonderful. It may not be a scam of any kind. Her past may or may not be more complicated than you suspect it to be. In any case, if you feel like you're being righteous and protective by telling, have the decency to do it personally, and own it. Don't send your friend/brother/whatever some anonymous email that makes them feel even more snowed about this. If anything, once they know you know, you can be a source of comfort with full information if things go south. If you send an email from a burner account, your LO has to sit with that information alone. Not very loving, if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anonymouslynyrd send the pen video SO is in to your LO.

I thought about doing just this, but couldn't think of a way to do it that wouldn't come back to me.

Fake hotmail account.

I agree with this 100%. This way, you're ensuring your LO has the information without making them/their SO feel awkward around you if they already knew about it/decide to continue relationship once they find out. If there's some way to request a read receipt on the email, if do it, to make sure it didn't wind up deleted as junk since it was coming from an anonymous address. Or put something in the message to give the person instructions on how to find it themselves "Dear Bob, I think this is information you should have if you don't already. Please visit the following link or Google Amber+escort+Maryland and once you do, please just reply saying "I saw it." I promise you that I will never bring this up again or in person. Signed, someone who loves you"

If the LO has any computer skills, he or she will find out where it came from. This is a terrible idea. OP, don't be a coward and a snitch. If you are going to do this, you must face your LO and risk being seen as a meddling bitch. It is possible that the LO will be grateful but even if this is taken as a reason to dump the SO, people usually do want to shoot the messenger. You should not have gone snooping and confirming this and now it is yours to live with.

[Anonymous]

OP, you're believing idle gossip/hearsay. Your "reliable source" could be: 1, a liar; 2, playing a trick on you; 3, nuts; or 4) all of the above. In any case, you're judging a situation that could be totally made up.

If you really love LO, ask yourself: why am I REALLY doing this? Judgmental schadenfreude? Jealousy? Bored drama queen who needs some attention?

I can't think of one positive thing that could come out of this. The only scenario I see are big fights with YOU, recriminations, a possible AIDS test, a possible breakup and a lousy holiday for you, LO, SO and all of your relatives.

Gee Thanks.

Glad I'm not your LO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think it matters a lot specifically what the evidence is and HOW you found it. Did you go searching for it?

The answers to these questions could greatly affect how your LO receives the information.

Lets say the SO was recognized by person(s) I trust and I followed up on their hunches.

I'm not trying to use this info as a "gotcha moment".

Though I've had my concerns about this relationship from the start, I did not go digging for dirt.

Okay, then I say by all means let your LO know. "Hey, this is awkward, but when my friend Bob saw your girlfriend Marley, he immediately recognized her as an escort he hired a few years ago."

[Anonymous]

I would also add that if you don't have the guts to say it to him personally, then that means you shouldn't tell him.

[Anonymous]

It's never ok to reveal things that people tell you in confidence, especially if it doesn't affect or harm anyone.

OP, do you want to be known as the person that people can't trust? To never keep a secret?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's never ok to reveal things that people tell you in confidence, especially if it doesn't affect or harm anyone.

OP, do you want to be known as the person that people can't trust? To never keep a secret?

I don't think op was told anything in confidence. The "secret" is what op knows about her loved one's partner - theoretically it's secret from the loved one because loved one doesn't know.

[Anonymous]

Everyone assumes he does not already know. Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll put my $20 on you tell them, they already know, and it ruins your relationship. It'll serve you right too.

+100

Any "concerned relative" who revealed they'd been poking around in my private business this much would be immediately persona-non-grata. Clearly someone with no respect for boundaries, I refuse to have people like that in my life. I'm with Jesus - I'd rather hang out with the whores than the observant (in the religious law sense) busybodies.