Is it okay to reveal an SO's secret to a loved one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know? Is it absolute fact? If you do tell something like that, you can't take any chances on being wrong. If you don't have proof, loved one may not believe you.

Let's just say I have a very reliable source.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to advise without knowing what evidence you have that the SO is being used.

Personally, I don't think a sex worker past alone is enough to butt in, unless it somehow related to the "using."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Only tell if you're prepared for your loved one to side with the SO over you.

+1 And that choice could be forever.

[Anonymous]

Butt out. Presumably, your loved one is an adult who is capable of making her choices without you.

[Anonymous]

1. Get life
2. Get out of other folks business
3. Repeat #1

[Anonymous]

It's not your business. And a "reliable source" doesn't mean you have proof, so sharing such potentially damaging information that you don't know is true 100% is reckless and very harmful. It could sever your relationship with your family member (even if you turn out to be right). And it doesn't prove that this person isn't now sincere and genuine.

But returning to my first point, it's absolutely not your business.

[Anonymous]

If you are close to the loved one, and you got the information in a legitimate way, then I would tell. The loved one comes first. I would say, "I am not judging and you can do whatever you like with this information, but I thought you should know if you don't already..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Get life
2. Get out of other folks business
3. Repeat #1

Good advice for dealing with strangers/acquaintances. Awful advice for dealing with friends/loved ones.

If a friend or loved one knew that I were being deceived and didn't tell me? End of friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Get life
2. Get out of other folks business
3. Repeat #1

Good advice for dealing with strangers/acquaintances. Awful advice for dealing with friends/loved ones.

If a friend or loved one knew that I were being deceived and didn't tell me? End of friendship.

+1 but make sure the LO knows that if he chooses to stay in the relationship you will support him and will never say another word about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Okay it's anonymous.
SO was at one time a sex worker.

Why do you want to tell them? And I think you are making a big assumption that this person doesn't know their SO's history...I think a lot of people confide things in partners that they may not tell people in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Get life
2. Get out of other folks business
3. Repeat #1

Good advice for dealing with strangers/acquaintances. Awful advice for dealing with friends/loved ones.

If a friend or loved one knew that I were being deceived and didn't tell me? End of friendship.

+1 but make sure the LO knows that if he chooses to stay in the relationship you will support him and will never say another word about it.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Get life
2. Get out of other folks business
3. Repeat #1

Good advice for dealing with strangers/acquaintances. Awful advice for dealing with friends/loved ones.

If a friend or loved one knew that I were being deceived and didn't tell me? End of friendship.

+1. As the now ex of someone who was harboring major secrets that his friends, family and coworkers knew and didn't share, I don't advise keeping secrets. My relationship with these people is non-existant because their decision to keep me in the dark was a reflection that they didn't care enough about me to go through the uncomfortableness and uncertainty of being honest with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would approach the SO and tell them I know, and I don't want to create trouble and certainly won't gossip, but because this is a potential health issue, I'm going to need them to tell my loved one, and if they don't, I will.

MYOB. It's not necessarily a "potential health issue" - either they have an STI or they don't, and it's between the two of them whether or not to take a risk on transmission. If either has an STI, it's almost certainly either HSV-2 or HIV, and unless you know, and know for a fact (which you don't) the infected person (who, frankly, could just as easily be your "loved one") hasn't told then you should MYOB.

You're looking for an excuse to out and shame a former sex worker. You also have no idea if the former sex worker revealed the information themselves.

[Anonymous]

I've never understood why people think MYOB is a value that trumps everything else in life. The point is that OP knows something that LO might not know. MYOB makes her part of the deception (if there is any). You watch your LO's back. MYOB is a betrayal.

[Anonymous]

I know. I have indisputable proof from a reliable source. I truly doubt my LO knows.
I'm not trying to shame or embarrass anyone, but I think the SO is a manipulator and a user and I think my LO deserves to know the truth before making any major decisions.