Sister already sent gift suggestions for her kids xMas; it's okay to pass and send a check right?

[Anonymous]

Op here. Yes, that is the message so, sending cash/check to avoid making life difficult with the apparently very real problem of unspecified and pre-approved gifts.
And before someone assumes, they have a huge home and yard, plenty of money and she doesn't work. Kids have their own room, a bonus room and a finished basement in addition to a garage and yard to play in/store toys in.

You need to stop obsessing about your sister. It's a little weird to send a Christmas wish list so early, yes. But you say you don't see her often, so why not just pick something affordable off of it, order it from Amazon, and move on with your life??

[Anonymous]

I see both sides. Some people love shopping and thoughtfully picking gifts. My sister is like that. Genuinely enjoys wandering around stores.

I'm not. I love my family and I love the holidays, but I hate shopping. Not just for the holidays - I hate shopping anytime. I would rather spend my holiday prep time decorating, baking, seeing Christmas lights.

So, I would LOVE a gift list for my nieces and nephews. Even unsolicited - I mean, my siblings know I'm getting them gifts. Plus, even though I have kids and an idea of what they like to play with, I don't know all the toys they have and don't have.

But, my sister would hate it. Sending her an email with Amazon links would deprive her of some of her holiday joy. I'd feel the same way if someone handed me a bag of Oreos and told me not to make cookies.

So, I think it's important to play to your audience. Lists are great if the recipient would appreciate that. But if your relative enjoys shopping, let them have at it and be gracious about any gift received, even if you have to return it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides. Some people love shopping and thoughtfully picking gifts. My sister is like that. Genuinely enjoys wandering around stores.

I'm not. I love my family and I love the holidays, but I hate shopping. Not just for the holidays - I hate shopping anytime. I would rather spend my holiday prep time decorating, baking, seeing Christmas lights.

So, I would LOVE a gift list for my nieces and nephews. Even unsolicited - I mean, my siblings know I'm getting them gifts. Plus, even though I have kids and an idea of what they like to play with, I don't know all the toys they have and don't have.

But, my sister would hate it. Sending her an email with Amazon links would deprive her of some of her holiday joy. I'd feel the same way if someone handed me a bag of Oreos and told me not to make cookies.

So, I think it's important to play to your audience. Lists are great if the recipient would appreciate that. But if your relative enjoys shopping, let them have at it and be gracious about any gift received, even if you have to return it.

Why do you have to be so nice and perfectly reasonable about it?
You're absolutely right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was the original toy idea, OP? I've got a 4yo. I'm curious!

OP here with the worst gift ever:It's a 4 year old girl and I was going to get her one of those little blanket mermaid tails, it looks like the bottom half of a mermaid, almost like a cozy little sleeping bag so when you pull it up it looks like the bottom half of a mermaid. She loves to look at books and has an ocean themed room (you can get sharks for boys, I was going to get that for my boys)

I'm the asker -- that's really cute, even without an ocean themed bedroom! Your sister is weird. And if money isn't a factor, asking for pajamas is weird, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on Earth wouldn't you just talk to her about this dynamic which bothers you and has occurred repeatedly?

Because there would be no DCUM and life would be boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on Earth wouldn't you just talk to her about this dynamic which bothers you and has occurred repeatedly?

Because there would be no DCUM and life would be boring.

Lol touché

[Anonymous]

Wow, you're a grinch. Just order the toys online and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

NP here.

OP, I think you are right to be upset.

First of all, unless you ask for suggestions, it is rude for someone to send you a list of things to get their kids. Gifts are gifts, not obligations, not orders.

Second of all, I think that part of growing up is learning how to be gracious when people give you gifts that you don't really want. Parents should teach their kids that, "Auntie X spent her money and took the time to buy you this present, so you should appreciate that someone would do that for you, even if it isn't a present you wanted."

Too many parents don't get why it's important for kids to learn that. In fact, too many parents create and cater to their kids' sense of entitlement -- that they are entitled to gifts, and that they are entitled to the gifts they want. It starts young, so it's important that, yes, even 4 year olds learn to appreciate gifts given to them and to say thank you and to understand that it was given out of kindness.

If you dictate what everyone gets your kids, you never have the opportunity to teach that lesson in any meaningful way.

[Anonymous]

17:35 here. I would also add that when you are talking about young children (like OP is talking about), it's possible they will like something that you didn't anticipate them liking.

Sometimes that gift from grandma that you thought would be a bust turns out to be a hit.

You don't know so you should just let people choose what gifts they want to buy. Outside of something dangerous or harmful, you don't need to be that controlling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oy vey. this is so high maintenance. i grew up jewish and none of this was a thing - you just didn't get into these family rituals of present giving like this.

my husband's family has this. luckily everyone is really gracious about it, but it's SO MUCH STUFF. and these lists, and everyone asking for these particular things - and i can't even imagine how stressful all this would be if you were adding in some complicated family dynamics on top of it.

so just: op, my sympathies. your sister sounds both helpful and controlling. i think i would just get them a puppy.

Not OP, but ha! This is the best idea yet! I have similar issues with my family and my husband's and I just hate that it gets to be such a big damn deal. My SIL is like OP's sister where the gift ideas are very specific and she does NOT want something someone randomly picked out. She also makes a big deal of collecting all of the gift receipts for everything her kids receive.

My mom cannot fathom a Christmas where we (adults) do not all exchange gifts. I have told her on many occasions that we all have everything we need so let's do something different, and she looks at me like I've lost my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:35 here. I would also add that when you are talking about young children (like OP is talking about), it's possible they will like something that you didn't anticipate them liking.

Sometimes that gift from grandma that you thought would be a bust turns out to be a hit.

You don't know so you should just let people choose what gifts they want to buy. Outside of something dangerous or harmful, you don't need to be that controlling.

Exactly!

[Anonymous]

How about getting the nieces what they want, because its the kids its really about.

Then have the guts to tell your sister exactly how you feel about her talking crap to you? After all, she is the one you have a problem with.

You're being passive aggressive. Just politely tell her what you resent about her tone with you. How hard is that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oy vey. this is so high maintenance. i grew up jewish and none of this was a thing - you just didn't get into these family rituals of present giving like this.

my husband's family has this. luckily everyone is really gracious about it, but it's SO MUCH STUFF. and these lists, and everyone asking for these particular things - and i can't even imagine how stressful all this would be if you were adding in some complicated family dynamics on top of it.

so just: op, my sympathies. your sister sounds both helpful and controlling. i think i would just get them a puppy.

+1 to the puppy idea. Sister might never talk to you again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:why is it so bad for her to give you a list of 1. things her kids will want and 2. things they don't have? are you really that bitter that you need to send her a check instead of clicking a link on amazon?

Yes, yes I am. To be told at every event for the past 4 years that my gift ideas are not good enough and be handed a list to shop for her is ridiculous.

If this is truly the case and I was in your shoes I would start putting $ in a college fund for my nieces/nephews and leave it at that.

I am fine with gift suggestions from my SILs for my nieces and nephews but to be handed a shopping list because they don't like the previous gifts? That is just obnoxious.

I'm sorry OP

[Anonymous]

Go for the gift cards and mail them with their cards so they go directly to the kids. They'll be thrilled and you sister will have nothing to complain about. For all you know, her kids don't even want what she's suggesting.