Sister already sent gift suggestions for her kids xMas; it's okay to pass and send a check right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

But ordering from Amazon after following a wish list is the same thing. I see your point but it's just money exchanging hands in any event, and not really gift giving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

But ordering from Amazon after following a wish list is the same thing. I see your point but it's just money exchanging hands in any event, and not really gift giving.

To you it's the same thing, but not to a four-year-old child (which I assume is around the age we're talking about, since you said this has been going on for four years). To a four-year-old child, opening a package from Aunt Larla that has an amazing toy inside is a thrill. Opening a card from Aunt Larla with a check inside, and later on a package addressed to mom showing up at the door with a great toy in it, just isn't the same.

[Anonymous]

I do sort of see what you mean, OP, but I think it depends on what your relationship with your sister is. My dad would constantly give my son sports-related gifts, and my son just doesn't like sports. If it were someone I wasn't as close with, I would never say anything but thank you, but since it is my dad, and we have a close relationship, I felt like I could broach the subject. It turned out my dad was hoping my son would start liking sports more. Once I asked my dad about it, though, he started getting my son board games, puzzles etc., which my son was much more happy and excited about.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever told your sister how her actions make you feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never suggest a gift for anyone especially family. It would be considered bad manners.

You get what you get and be grateful. Christmas is supposed to be about surprises.

If my sibling sent a list, their kids would get nothing.

My SIL was uncouth. She would ask for gift receipts then return whatever you gave her to the store and buy what she wanted. After a few years, no one bothered to buy her anything. Then she had a breakdown and said we hated her.

LOL, we did but not for that reason.

I tend to agree with this. For kids.

For grownups, REAAALLLLLY stop. We don't all need to buy each other something.

For kids, yes, surprise them, let them keep it, play with it, love it. Even if it's not from a certain list. Christmas isn't about other people doing your shopping for your kids for you.

[Anonymous]

Op here, just to clarify, I would be sending my sister the gift cards so she can control what they get and order it herself, sign my name. We won't be seeing each other due to distance. They are 4 and 6.
I don't see the difference and think it's her burden now to do the shopping and ordering since she wants to control exactly what they get.

[Anonymous]

Op here, just to clarify, I would be sending my sister the gift cards so she can control what they get and order it herself, sign my name. We won't be seeing each other due to distance. They are 4 and 6.
I don't see the difference and think it's her burden now to do the shopping and ordering since she wants to control exactly what they get

But really, then you're just doing it to make some passive aggressive statement, since you'd just have to take two seconds to click on amazon and order what she says they want. It's not any more of a burden to do that than send a gift card. At all. Why don't you just be honest with your sister and tell her how she's making you feel, instead of being passive aggressive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, just to clarify, I would be sending my sister the gift cards so she can control what they get and order it herself, sign my name. We won't be seeing each other due to distance. They are 4 and 6.
I don't see the difference and think it's her burden now to do the shopping and ordering since she wants to control exactly what they get.

And you save the cost of gift-wrapping each present, too. win-win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

This op nailed it. I'm in both sides. While my kids have almost everything I would love for you to pick a gift for them that they want instead of a duplicate or something they are not into.

Now for Christmas I have three sets of grandparents. One who sends checks who the kids never speak of. One set who sends things they think the kids will like. FaceTime is awful for this watching their unhappy reaction. The final set will ask us what they want and will mail it or have us buy to put under the tree from them while they send money. The kids shriek with delight and love love love them.

I know it's not what it the thought that counts and they are grateful but truthfully they are kids too.

Be a super awesome aunt and send them what they want! buy what you want for an Easter or Halloween gift or s just random thinking of you Love Aunt Larla!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone need a break from Halloween talk?

I already got an email from my sister with some suggestions on gifts for her kids at Christmas. This was in response to an email link I sent to a cute toy. It was a "look how cute this is" versus a "I'm getting this for your kids" but apparently it was so awful she decided to send out a list before I made such a terrible mistake.

I am just about done with the 4 year tradition of what is essentially me doing her shopping for her, i.e., finding things on her approved list and mailing them to my niece and nephew. Neither of us have money issues and the kicker is that our kids are the same ages, so I am not totally out of the loop on what is a nice gift and my kids enjoy picking them out with me. I have always accepted all gifts and enjoyed them from her without a peep.

I'm looking for the DCUM collective to tell me that a nice gift card is fine.

Just calculate how much you were planning to spend on all of them and send them an Amazon gift card. Who knows, she may reciprocate and you win too!

[Anonymous]

Why on Earth wouldn't you just talk to her about this dynamic which bothers you and has occurred repeatedly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

This op nailed it. I'm in both sides. While my kids have almost everything I would love for you to pick a gift for them that they want instead of a duplicate or something they are not into.

Now for Christmas I have three sets of grandparents. One who sends checks who the kids never speak of. One set who sends things they think the kids will like. FaceTime is awful for this watching their unhappy reaction. The final set will ask us what they want and will mail it or have us buy to put under the tree from them while they send money. The kids shriek with delight and love love love them.


I have a 9 and a 7 year old. Their favorite presents are gift cards from family that lives abroad. After they open their Christmas presents they know that the next day they'll have x amount of money (usually from Amazon) to buy a gift of their choice. The sit in the computer going through lego sets or whatever they want and pick their present. They think their aunts who send the the gift cards are awesome!!!

I know it's not what it the thought that counts and they are grateful but truthfully they are kids too.

Be a super awesome aunt and send them what they want! buy what you want for an Easter or Halloween gift or s just random thinking of you Love Aunt Larla!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

This op nailed it. I'm in both sides. While my kids have almost everything I would love for you to pick a gift for them that they want instead of a duplicate or something they are not into.

Now for Christmas I have three sets of grandparents. One who sends checks who the kids never speak of. One set who sends things they think the kids will like. FaceTime is awful for this watching their unhappy reaction. The final set will ask us what they want and will mail it or have us buy to put under the tree from them while they send money. The kids shriek with delight and love love love them.

I know it's not what it the thought that counts and they are grateful but truthfully they are kids too.

Be a super awesome aunt and send them what they want! buy what you want for an Easter or Halloween gift or s just random thinking of you Love Aunt Larla!

Good luck!

I have a 9 and a 7 year old. Their favorite presents are gift cards from family that lives abroad. After they open their Christmas presents they know that the next day they'll have x amount of money (usually from Amazon) to buy a gift of their choice. The sit in the computer going through lego sets or whatever they want and pick their present. They think their aunts who send the the gift cards are awesome!!!

I know it's not what it the thought that counts and they are grateful but truthfully they are kids too.

Be a super awesome aunt and send them what they want! buy what you want for an Easter or Halloween gift or s just random thinking of you Love Aunt Larla!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I totally don't get the issue. Every year in December I email my sisters and ask what are you kids into/asking for this year? If you don't like her suggestions, don't get that. No big deal. (I often pass on toys that I think are tacky -- they can get that from another aunt!).
If I'm going to spend money, I would prefer it be something the kids would like and not already have. Kids change and even if they loved AG dolls last year when I saw them, maybe this year they are totally into science kits instead -- I'd hate to waste my money at the AG store, when they really just want SnapCircuits!
Also, I find that when you ask for and give suggestions, you find out more about your nieces and nephews. Otherwise, people tend to get the generic "most boys like X" present -- which is usually fine, but not very unique. If I tell you my child is obsessed with sharks this year, isn't that a nice thing to know so that you don't just buy whatever Target is pushing for 6 year old boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

This op nailed it. I'm in both sides. While my kids have almost everything I would love for you to pick a gift for them that they want instead of a duplicate or something they are not into.

Now for Christmas I have three sets of grandparents. One who sends checks who the kids never speak of. One set who sends things they think the kids will like. FaceTime is awful for this watching their unhappy reaction. The final set will ask us what they want and will mail it or have us buy to put under the tree from them while they send money. The kids shriek with delight and love love love them.

I know it's not what it the thought that counts and they are grateful but truthfully they are kids too.

Be a super awesome aunt and send them what they want! buy what you want for an Easter or Halloween gift or s just random thinking of you Love Aunt Larla!

Good luck!

I have a 9 and a 7 year old. Their favorite presents are gift cards from family that lives abroad. After they open their Christmas presents they know that the next day they'll have x amount of money (usually from Amazon) to buy a gift of their choice. The sit in the computer going through lego sets or whatever they want and pick their present. They think their aunts who send the the gift cards are awesome!!!

I know it's not what it the thought that counts and they are grateful but truthfully they are kids too.

Be a super awesome aunt and send them what they want! buy what you want for an Easter or Halloween gift or s just random thinking of you Love Aunt Larla!

Good luck!

OMG, I can't get it right today. I keep mixing my response with the previous PP. Sorry about that !!!!