Sister already sent gift suggestions for her kids xMas; it's okay to pass and send a check right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I have kids roughly the same age(ranging from 5-9). We decided when the kids were young not to exchange gifts because we don't live in the same state. Instead if we randomly see something that one of the kids would like we buy and send it just because. Or if we take a vacation we send them a souvenir. It is better than getting one more Christmas gift. A surprise gift in summer is better.

Key point : you are buying things you see and think they would like.

[Anonymous]

oy vey. this is so high maintenance. i grew up jewish and none of this was a thing - you just didn't get into these family rituals of present giving like this.

my husband's family has this. luckily everyone is really gracious about it, but it's SO MUCH STUFF. and these lists, and everyone asking for these particular things - and i can't even imagine how stressful all this would be if you were adding in some complicated family dynamics on top of it.

so just: op, my sympathies. your sister sounds both helpful and controlling. i think i would just get them a puppy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on Earth wouldn't you just talk to her about this dynamic which bothers you and has occurred repeatedly?

+1 OP, why are you jumping to passive aggressive, avoidance "solutions"?

Because OP clearly is a drama queen who thrives on drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op -- what's on the list? Is the stuff expensive? Is it off the beaten path stuff you would not have known about?

Not really? A specific brand of pajamas, even what fabric she prefers, and an ornament, then 2 links to toys (one doll, one sports related).

I just don't get the horror of having your child get a gift that is not exactly what you think aligns with their specific interests at the moment.

Well, let's turn that back to you? Why are you invested in getting them gifts that don't align with their interests at the moment?

Surely you're not saying that a 4 year old wouldn't be interested in something new that is different than what their parents have decided is appropriate for him to be interested in?
There is no possible way a child at 4 would be interested in a scooter if they had not ever had one? Not interested in a flying airplane because he has owns and enjoys Thomas trains and has never had an airplane? No to a car model kit because they like Legos?
I think that line of thinking is ridiculous, there are thousands of toys, we only have to get them the same category of things they already have and enjoy?
That is nuts.

They could be, and if you're choosing those things with he child's personality in mind, that's great. A model car kit could be great for a kid who likes to build with Legos because they've already shown an inclination toward sitting and building more involved projects. A kid who can barely sit still in a chair and always wants to be running outside probably won't get much out of it, at least not at this age. A kid who's always asking a million question about how stuff works might like an engineering kit, even if they've never gotten one before. But if you're giving a scooter to a kid who hates going outside, you're probably going to miss the mark.

[Anonymous]

This whole thing sounds so transactional; it's sad.

[Anonymous]

jewish pp again - and i think what's striking me here is just how high the stakes seem for something that seems like it should be pretty small potatoes.

what's the big deal if it's the wrong gift? for that matter, what's the big deal with getting something off the list?

[Anonymous]

maybe OP just gives shitty gifts and her sister doesn't want more crap in her house

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe OP just gives shitty gifts and her sister doesn't want more crap in her house

maybe. she can throw it out or donate it, like we do with half the stuff my inlaws give us. they like giving it, though, and asking them not to buy us things will only make them feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe OP just gives shitty gifts and her sister doesn't want more crap in her house

maybe. she can throw it out or donate it, like we do with half the stuff my inlaws give us. they like giving it, though, and asking them not to buy us things will only make them feel bad.

she being the sister - sorry, friday evening brain. it's time to get away from the computer and stop working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:maybe OP just gives shitty gifts and her sister doesn't want more crap in her house

maybe. she can throw it out or donate it, like we do with half the stuff my inlaws give us. they like giving it, though, and asking them not to buy us things will only make them feel bad.

she being the sister - sorry, friday evening brain. it's time to get away from the computer and stop working.

we do the same, but something tells me passive aggressive OP would love to buy something cheap that makes a lot of noise to annoy the parents

[Anonymous]

Be sure to take your frustration with your sister out on her kids rather than directly addressing it with her, OP.

[Anonymous]

Can someone explain how it is different to send money to the sister who you won't be seeing for Christmas to buy presents for their kids from you and place under the tree versus buying the requested gift yourself through Amazon and sending it in the mail to be opened by the sister and placed under the tree?

It's the same. darn. thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:maybe OP just gives shitty gifts and her sister doesn't want more crap in her house

Op here. Yes, that is the message so, sending cash/check to avoid making life difficult with the apparently very real problem of unspecified and pre-approved gifts.
And before someone assumes, they have a huge home and yard, plenty of money and she doesn't work. Kids have their own room, a bonus room and a finished basement in addition to a garage and yard to play in/store toys in.

[Anonymous]

What was the original toy idea, OP? I've got a 4yo. I'm curious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What was the original toy idea, OP? I've got a 4yo. I'm curious!

OP here with the worst gift ever:It's a 4 year old girl and I was going to get her one of those little blanket mermaid tails, it looks like the bottom half of a mermaid, almost like a cozy little sleeping bag so when you pull it up it looks like the bottom half of a mermaid. She loves to look at books and has an ocean themed room (you can get sharks for boys, I was going to get that for my boys)