Sister already sent gift suggestions for her kids xMas; it's okay to pass and send a check right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

This op nailed it. I'm in both sides. While my kids have almost everything I would love for you to pick a gift for them that they want instead of a duplicate or something they are not into.

Now for Christmas I have three sets of grandparents. One who sends checks who the kids never speak of. One set who sends things they think the kids will like. FaceTime is awful for this watching their unhappy reaction. The final set will ask us what they want and will mail it or have us buy to put under the tree from them while they send money. The kids shriek with delight and love love love them.

I know it's not what it the thought that counts and they are grateful but truthfully they are kids too.

Be a super awesome aunt and send them what they want! buy what you want for an Easter or Halloween gift or s just random thinking of you Love Aunt Larla!

Good luck!

your kids have a funny way of judging who they love

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

This op nailed it. I'm in both sides. While my kids have almost everything I would love for you to pick a gift for them that they want instead of a duplicate or something they are not into.

Now for Christmas I have three sets of grandparents. One who sends checks who the kids never speak of. One set who sends things they think the kids will like. FaceTime is awful for this watching their unhappy reaction. The final set will ask us what they want and will mail it or have us buy to put under the tree from them while they send money. The kids shriek with delight and love love love them.

I know it's not what it the thought that counts and they are grateful but truthfully they are kids too.

Be a super awesome aunt and send them what they want! buy what you want for an Easter or Halloween gift or s just random thinking of you Love Aunt Larla!

Good luck!

your kids have a funny way of judging who they love

Different poster, but it's actually not, when you get to the core of what these behaviors are about. One set of grandparents isn't interested in putting in effort with their grandkids and just sends a check. Another set puts in the effort to buy gifts, but they buy the kinds of gifts they want the kids to want, rather than actually finding out who the kids are and what they want. The third takes the time to find out what the grandkids are actually interested in, and buy gifts for the kids' interest rather than their own. As between disinterested, trying to make the grandkids be someone they aren't, and accepting and loving of who the grandkids actually are, which do you think kids are going to gravitate to?

[Anonymous]

OP, what does she buy your kids?

[Anonymous]

I haven't read through all the responses, but I totally agree w/ OP and think a gift card is fine. I would be super annoyed if my sister did that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what does she buy your kids?

Op here, let me think, just basic toys, maybe a truck and some cars for Christmas, a couple superhero capes for the last birthday, travel puzzles and books. Things like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you have kids the same age means you know what your kids like at those ages, which is not necessarily the same thing as knowing what her kids like at those ages. She's trying to give you ideas for things that are likely to be a hit with her kids so they'll enjoy the gifts; you seem more focused on getting something you will enjoy giving than on whether her particular children will like them. It's certainly your prerogative to get in a snit about it and just send a check, but I'd rather be the aunt who got them presents they loved.

Devils advocate here: isn't sending $$ being the aunt who gets them presents they love? Just cutting out the step forced by the sister to do all the shopping/ordering for her. What is the difference? Mom orders from Amazon with sisters money or sister orders from Amazon.

The difference is that's not being the aunt who gets them presents they love, that's being the aunt who cuts them a check. It's pretty boring to open a check on your birthday or Christmas; it may be fun to spend it a week or a month later, but it's not fun or interesting in the moment. And when they finally get around to spending the money, they're probably not connecting the thing they picked out with you anyway, because you didn't pick it out for them.

This op nailed it. I'm in both sides. While my kids have almost everything I would love for you to pick a gift for them that they want instead of a duplicate or something they are not into.

Now for Christmas I have three sets of grandparents. One who sends checks who the kids never speak of. One set who sends things they think the kids will like. FaceTime is awful for this watching their unhappy reaction. The final set will ask us what they want and will mail it or have us buy to put under the tree from them while they send money. The kids shriek with delight and love love love them.

I know it's not what it the thought that counts and they are grateful but truthfully they are kids too.

Be a super awesome aunt and send them what they want! buy what you want for an Easter or Halloween gift or s just random thinking of you Love Aunt Larla!

Good luck!

your kids have a funny way of judging who they love

Different poster, but it's actually not, when you get to the core of what these behaviors are about. One set of grandparents isn't interested in putting in effort with their grandkids and just sends a check. Another set puts in the effort to buy gifts, but they buy the kinds of gifts they want the kids to want, rather than actually finding out who the kids are and what they want. The third takes the time to find out what the grandkids are actually interested in, and buy gifts for the kids' interest rather than their own. As between disinterested, trying to make the grandkids be someone they aren't, and accepting and loving of who the grandkids actually are, which do you think kids are going to gravitate to?

Dear lord, you get all that from a gift someone picked out? I see why you are that invested in gifts if that is how you view giving/receiving gifts.

[Anonymous]

Op -- what's on the list? Is the stuff expensive? Is it off the beaten path stuff you would not have known about?

[Anonymous]

So rude to send a list when you hadn't asked her for one! Especially right after you sent the hey isn't this cool link. How many people did she email the list to? I would ignore the list and get whatever you normally would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op -- what's on the list? Is the stuff expensive? Is it off the beaten path stuff you would not have known about?

Not really? A specific brand of pajamas, even what fabric she prefers, and an ornament, then 2 links to toys (one doll, one sports related).

I just don't get the horror of having your child get a gift that is not exactly what you think aligns with their specific interests at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on Earth wouldn't you just talk to her about this dynamic which bothers you and has occurred repeatedly?

+1 OP, why are you jumping to passive aggressive, avoidance "solutions"?

[Anonymous]

We always got lists from former SIL for what she said the kids wanted. We got gift cards a few times. The kids were a little disappointed. It's just not the same for a kid that age.

We determined that bottom line for us was that the kids were happy. I talked to THEM and got their list. If the kids are old enough, do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op -- what's on the list? Is the stuff expensive? Is it off the beaten path stuff you would not have known about?

Not really? A specific brand of pajamas, even what fabric she prefers, and an ornament, then 2 links to toys (one doll, one sports related).

I just don't get the horror of having your child get a gift that is not exactly what you think aligns with their specific interests at the moment.

Then just get what you want to give them. It'll be better than the passive aggressive bs solution you're gunning for right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op -- what's on the list? Is the stuff expensive? Is it off the beaten path stuff you would not have known about?

Not really? A specific brand of pajamas, even what fabric she prefers, and an ornament, then 2 links to toys (one doll, one sports related).

I just don't get the horror of having your child get a gift that is not exactly what you think aligns with their specific interests at the moment.

Well, let's turn that back to you? Why are you invested in getting them gifts that don't align with their interests at the moment?

[Anonymous]

My brother and I have kids roughly the same age(ranging from 5-9). We decided when the kids were young not to exchange gifts because we don't live in the same state. Instead if we randomly see something that one of the kids would like we buy and send it just because. Or if we take a vacation we send them a souvenir. It is better than getting one more Christmas gift. A surprise gift in summer is better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op -- what's on the list? Is the stuff expensive? Is it off the beaten path stuff you would not have known about?

Not really? A specific brand of pajamas, even what fabric she prefers, and an ornament, then 2 links to toys (one doll, one sports related).

I just don't get the horror of having your child get a gift that is not exactly what you think aligns with their specific interests at the moment.

Well, let's turn that back to you? Why are you invested in getting them gifts that don't align with their interests at the moment?

Surely you're not saying that a 4 year old wouldn't be interested in something new that is different than what their parents have decided is appropriate for him to be interested in?
There is no possible way a child at 4 would be interested in a scooter if they had not ever had one? Not interested in a flying airplane because he has owns and enjoys Thomas trains and has never had an airplane? No to a car model kit because they like Legos?
I think that line of thinking is ridiculous, there are thousands of toys, we only have to get them the same category of things they already have and enjoy?
That is nuts.