Sister already sent gift suggestions for her kids xMas; it's okay to pass and send a check right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Different poster, but I would have wanted to nix that particular gift because it's the kind of thing my four-year-old would have thought was great when she opened it, immediately climbed into it, and then never ever used again. It would sit around her room as clutter and she'd refuse to let me donate it, but she'd never use it because she never just sits still, she's always moving.

I have the male version of this. It's awful, and if you aren't living with it, you have no idea how awful.

I suspect my sister thinks I'm a total meanie for discouraging certain presents, but I think it's totally reasonable to consider not just whether a kid will like it but whether it works well for the family as a whole. (The converse is true, too. If I want to buy my kid a drum and I don't let him play it in other people's houses, spare me the eyeroll, which I DID INDEED SEE.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am totally on your side in concept. But you shared a link saying that a blanket mermaid tail or some shark-thingy is cute? Ooh, that's a rough one.

Are you a 4 year old girl with an ocean theme room? Then your opinion is probably not valid here.

Different poster, but I would have wanted to nix that particular gift because it's the kind of thing my four-year-old would have thought was great when she opened it, immediately climbed into it, and then never ever used again. It would sit around her room as clutter and she'd refuse to let me donate it, but she'd never use it because she never just sits still, she's always moving.

So seriously, what is the big deal? I don't get it. Surely things you have purchased for her have not been all "hits." Are we not allowed to get things for children to see if they may like it? You are assuming that, what if you're wrong?
Is it that much of an issue to guess wrong and give a child something that their parent didn't think of?
Hell, I've bought myself things I thought I would like/use that turned out to be flops.
But it seems excessive to micromanage gift giving and instruct people on what to give.
Especially for little kids who have not been exposed to the thousands of gift options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Different poster, but I would have wanted to nix that particular gift because it's the kind of thing my four-year-old would have thought was great when she opened it, immediately climbed into it, and then never ever used again. It would sit around her room as clutter and she'd refuse to let me donate it, but she'd never use it because she never just sits still, she's always moving.

I have the male version of this. It's awful, and if you aren't living with it, you have no idea how awful.

I suspect my sister thinks I'm a total meanie for discouraging certain presents, but I think it's totally reasonable to consider not just whether a kid will like it but whether it works well for the family as a whole. (The converse is true, too. If I want to buy my kid a drum and I don't let him play it in other people's houses, spare me the eyeroll, which I DID INDEED SEE.)

I totally disagree. It's not a gift for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I totally disagree. It's not a gift for you.

As the parent and the homeowner, I get a say in what comes into my house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I totally disagree. It's not a gift for you.

As the parent and the homeowner, I get a say in what comes into my house.

Exactly. I'm going to look at it first before giving it to my child. If it makes noise, will cause fights, or will cause unnecessary clutter.....well, the child may never see it. So just get them a parent-approved gift already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I totally disagree. It's not a gift for you.

As the parent and the homeowner, I get a say in what comes into my house.

A stuffed animal is the hill you are going to die on? With family? At Christmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I totally disagree. It's not a gift for you.

As the parent and the homeowner, I get a say in what comes into my house.

Exactly. I'm going to look at it first before giving it to my child. If it makes noise, will cause fights, or will cause unnecessary clutter.....well, the child may never see it. So just get them a parent-approved gift already.

Op here. Yes, that is exactly why I'm going with cash/gift card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am totally on your side in concept. But you shared a link saying that a blanket mermaid tail or some shark-thingy is cute? Ooh, that's a rough one.

Are you a 4 year old girl with an ocean theme room? Then your opinion is probably not valid here.

Different poster, but I would have wanted to nix that particular gift because it's the kind of thing my four-year-old would have thought was great when she opened it, immediately climbed into it, and then never ever used again. It would sit around her room as clutter and she'd refuse to let me donate it, but she'd never use it because she never just sits still, she's always moving.

So seriously, what is the big deal? I don't get it. Surely things you have purchased for her have not been all "hits." Are we not allowed to get things for children to see if they may like it? You are assuming that, what if you're wrong?
Is it that much of an issue to guess wrong and give a child something that their parent didn't think of?
Hell, I've bought myself things I thought I would like/use that turned out to be flops.
But it seems excessive to micromanage gift giving and instruct people on what to give.
Especially for little kids who have not been exposed to the thousands of gift options.

PP here, I've also bought gifts for my kids that turn out to be flops. Every Christmas is a mix of things they ask for and things that weren't on their lists but that I think they might really enjoy. Those choices are made based on knowing their personalities, though, and what kinds of activities they do and don't enjoy. Neither of my children has asked for a novelty blanket like OP mentioned, but it's something I could see my older child enjoying because she likes curling up in the reading corner with a book. My younger child just doesn't sit still long enough at this age to use it; perhaps in a few years she will, but not now, and who really wants a gift to sit around untouched for years in the hopes that it will eventually be interesting? We don't have a tremendous amount of storage space in our house and I refuse to cram it full of stuff that doesn't get used. So if someone got a mermaid tail for my four-year-old for Christmas, odds are around March I'd tuck it away to see if she missed it at all, and by June it would be donated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, maybe it is your sister's tone that is upsetting you? Otherwise I don't really get the issue. My son is 6, and so is my nephew, but they are just totally different people - DS is kind of a nerdy kid, into science and pokemon, my nephew is sporty. I always ask my sister what my nephew would like and she asks me what DS would like.

Yup. Same situation here. My 5 year old DS couldn't be more different than my 5 year old nephew. We always exchange ideas so we can buy what the kids WANT!

[Anonymous]

It seems to me OP, that if you send gift cards after your sister has sent you their wish list, you may have to offer your sister some sort of explanation after the fact, since it may cause some confusion and hurt feelings. Why not just open up a discussion about gift giving for the children now? Start by asking her how she feels about the quantity of gifts that the kids get from all the relatives and take it from there. Maybe you both can come up with new tradition. Maybe both families can do family gifts instead with the children involved, like homemade ornaments made by the kids one year, homemade cookies another year, or the kids can choose books for each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I totally disagree. It's not a gift for you.

As the parent and the homeowner, I get a say in what comes into my house.

Exactly. I'm going to look at it first before giving it to my child. If it makes noise, will cause fights, or will cause unnecessary clutter.....well, the child may never see it. So just get them a parent-approved gift already.

Op here. Yes, that is exactly why I'm going with cash/gift card.

actually, OP, it's not. you're fed up with your sister and want to send cash to prove a point - the point being that it's rude for her to send you a list so you'd rather put no effort into it. don't change your tune and act like you want to send cash to be helpful

[Anonymous]

Just thank her for the ideas and then tell her this year you are simplifying and doing gift cards.

I find I cannot win with gift ideas. If I give them, my inlaws make nasty comments that we are begging for stuff ( for our son). If I do not, I get nasty comments that I did not give them any ideas. If I wait until they ask, they will wait until the last minute and then get mad if he is out of ideas or if they do not get him his favorite gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I totally disagree. It's not a gift for you.

As the parent and the homeowner, I get a say in what comes into my house.

Exactly. I'm going to look at it first before giving it to my child. If it makes noise, will cause fights, or will cause unnecessary clutter.....well, the child may never see it. So just get them a parent-approved gift already.

Op here. Yes, that is exactly why I'm going with cash/gift card.

actually, OP, it's not. you're fed up with your sister and want to send cash to prove a point - the point being that it's rude for her to send you a list so you'd rather put no effort into it. don't change your tune and act like you want to send cash to be helpful

Op here, I agree with what you wrote. But I do think I already made the effort (not just now but in the past 4 years) and it has obviously caused more trouble than it's with since I got a gift list with links, organized into price points with paragraph long explanations of why she prefers flannel to polyester with the pajama request, for example.
It is easier for everyone for me to send the money prior to the holiday and my sister can get exactly what she wants them to have. Next year and for birthdays she won't have to bother with this level of documentation and sourcing for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I totally disagree. It's not a gift for you.

As the parent and the homeowner, I get a say in what comes into my house.

Exactly. I'm going to look at it first before giving it to my child. If it makes noise, will cause fights, or will cause unnecessary clutter.....well, the child may never see it. So just get them a parent-approved gift already.

Op here. Yes, that is exactly why I'm going with cash/gift card.

Pp here. The cash/gift card is not what SIL asked for. Aka not parent-approved. Just get the kids what she suggested and get over it.

[Anonymous]

Send books. No one objects to books.