Women: do you care how much your engagement ring costs?

[Anonymous]

No. Go to theknot.com or some other bridal site if you want to hear endless analysis of the 5Cs. This is a website for parents. Most of us know that there are more worthwhile expenses in life to spend money on (home, childcare, college/retirement savings etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Go to theknot.com or some other bridal site if you want to hear endless analysis of the 5Cs. This is a website for parents. Most of us know that there are more worthwhile expenses in life to spend money on (home, childcare, college/retirement savings etc.)

With DCUM average salaries at 400K it would be dumb to think that a 9K is a lot of money when single.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I see posts like this, I wish I could start an ad campaign: "Get Engaged Like the Penguins Do."

When a male penguin wants a mate (or just some action), he brings the female a nicely shaped rock for a nest. If it's a pleasing shape, she accepts his offer.

She does not stop to whine about the cost, the cut, flaws, the 4 Cs, or what her best friend Brandy's ex-husband spent on her ring.

Humans are so stupid.

I like it! The ring is a stupid American tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Go to theknot.com or some other bridal site if you want to hear endless analysis of the 5Cs. This is a website for parents. Most of us know that there are more worthwhile expenses in life to spend money on (home, childcare, college/retirement savings etc.)

With DCUM average salaries at 400K it would be dumb to think that a 9K is a lot of money when single.

Very funny

[Anonymous]

OP sounds more like the guy trying to cheap it out and find out info from a largely high HHI forum than the GF posing this question.

An e-ring is meant to be a symbolic indication of your relationship, but budget matters. No guy should ever buy a ring he can't legitimately afford, but if the reason the BF is refusing to spend more on an e-ring that is up to the standard of the GF then he could spend more time saving up, or he could be honest about his budget and if GF isn't on board then RUN for the hills. She's shallow, and he's cheap so the relationship would never last.

My bf and I decided on a budget, he has a busy work schedule so I am the one shopping for the perfect stone and setting. I'm simple though, just over 1c, and no ornate setting. We have shopped together in store and online, he knows what I want, but he just doesn't have the time for the research so I'm going to find the stone and setting let him know where it is, and when he wants to get it he can. I want the proposal to be romantic, memorable, but simple and speaks to us as a couple and the experiences we have shared together. The ring is whatever he ends up going for -- it's not like I wouldn't marry him if he didn't get me what I want! No woman who is ready for marriage should be that shallow, otherwise the relationship isn't for you (and unfair to the guy.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP sounds more like the guy trying to cheap it out and find out info from a largely high HHI forum than the GF posing this question.

An e-ring is meant to be a symbolic indication of your relationship, but budget matters. No guy should ever buy a ring he can't legitimately afford, but if the reason the BF is refusing to spend more on an e-ring that is up to the standard of the GF then he could spend more time saving up, or he could be honest about his budget and if GF isn't on board then RUN for the hills. She's shallow, and he's cheap so the relationship would never last.

My bf and I decided on a budget, he has a busy work schedule so I am the one shopping for the perfect stone and setting. I'm simple though, just over 1c, and no ornate setting. We have shopped together in store and online, he knows what I want, but he just doesn't have the time for the research so I'm going to find the stone and setting let him know where it is, and when he wants to get it he can. I want the proposal to be romantic, memorable, but simple and speaks to us as a couple and the experiences we have shared together. The ring is whatever he ends up going for -- it's not like I wouldn't marry him if he didn't get me what I want! No woman who is ready for marriage should be that shallow, otherwise the relationship isn't for you (and unfair to the guy.)

Why did you cheap it out?

And, who calls it an e-ring?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Go to theknot.com or some other bridal site if you want to hear endless analysis of the 5Cs. This is a website for parents. Most of us know that there are more worthwhile expenses in life to spend money on (home, childcare, college/retirement savings etc.)

With DCUM average salaries at 400K it would be dumb to think that a 9K is a lot of money when single.

Sarcasm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hooray! A chance to post my very favorite Carolyn Hax response ever. A woman had written in about becoming engaged to her boyfriend, but when she got the ring appraised, the bottom fell out of her greedy little world. The ring wasn't worth 2 months salary. The horror! She avoided him for the weekend, and her best friend advised her to dump him. Carolyn thought it was a joke, and said she should complain to the guy so he could dump her.

Then the woman wrote back:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/liveonline/00/hax/hax1011.htm

She is such a trip, can't believe she has been writing for The Washington Post for over 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
And, who calls it an e-ring?

e-weddingbands.com?

http://www.e-weddingbands.com/store/engagement-rings.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any woman who is worried about the cost of a ring is not the woman for me. That money is obviously better spent on honeymoon or actual married life.

That is why you should get to know these things about the woman you are dating. I find it hard to believe the the OP's boyfriend doesn't know that she is the kind of girl who cares about her ring. That probably comes with a lot of other things that he likes about her (cares about/spends her time and money on her appearance). And now he is trying to get away with less than he already knows she expects. I get why she is pissed. He knows what he should do, and he wants to see if she will accept less. And she can't really say anything because he will think she is materialistic. Even though she is AND he already knows it.

It's not about getting away with less than she expects...he can't afford what she expects, plain and simple. If that is a deal-breaker she needs to let him know, and not pretend that she isn't materialistic. A responsible adult does not go into debt for an engagement ring.

She shouldn't have to say it. He should just know it. And he does. That's why he brought this up BEFORE he even bought a ring. And how do you know what he can afford? I am sure that the OP knows his finances better than you do. I am not picturing a guy who buys his clothes at goodwill and drives a beater car and OP hit him with this out of the blue.

I don't know what he can afford, I'm going off what the OP said. He said he can't afford it, and like you said the OP prob knows better than me or you what his finances are like. So if she thought he was just saying that and didn't mean it. I'm sure it would have appeared in her post somewhere. But it didn't, so based on what she told us the logical assumption is he actually can't afford it. That and the fact that he said they would replace it later when finances were better....that is and usually what is meant by "for now". What if he wants to buy her a 6k dollar ring and OP wants a 20k ring? It doesn't have to be someone that shops at goodwill. 20k on ring is a terrible waste unless you have money growing on trees, which they seemingly don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any woman who is worried about the cost of a ring is not the woman for me. That money is obviously better spent on honeymoon or actual married life.

That is why you should get to know these things about the woman you are dating. I find it hard to believe the the OP's boyfriend doesn't know that she is the kind of girl who cares about her ring. That probably comes with a lot of other things that he likes about her (cares about/spends her time and money on her appearance). And now he is trying to get away with less than he already knows she expects. I get why she is pissed. He knows what he should do, and he wants to see if she will accept less. And she can't really say anything because he will think she is materialistic. Even though she is AND he already knows it.

It's not about getting away with less than she expects...he can't afford what she expects, plain and simple. If that is a deal-breaker she needs to let him know, and not pretend that she isn't materialistic. A responsible adult does not go into debt for an engagement ring.

She shouldn't have to say it. He should just know it. And he does. That's why he brought this up BEFORE he even bought a ring. And how do you know what he can afford? I am sure that the OP knows his finances better than you do. I am not picturing a guy who buys his clothes at goodwill and drives a beater car and OP hit him with this out of the blue.

OP here.

My bf is no millionaire. He isn't very poor either. He has a graduate degree and earns okay money. I would expect something in the 5-7k range. It is decent affordable and respectable. He however is looking more at the 1-2k range. Which...I'm hurt he isn't being more generous.

I don't know what he can afford, I'm going off what the OP said. He said he can't afford it, and like you said the OP prob knows better than me or you what his finances are like. So if she thought he was just saying that and didn't mean it. I'm sure it would have appeared in her post somewhere. But it didn't, so based on what she told us the logical assumption is he actually can't afford it. That and the fact that he said they would replace it later when finances were better....that is and usually what is meant by "for now". What if he wants to buy her a 6k dollar ring and OP wants a 20k ring? It doesn't have to be someone that shops at goodwill. 20k on ring is a terrible waste unless you have money growing on trees, which they seemingly don't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you?

My bf told me he wants to propose to me but he cannot afford to get me an expensive one so he'll get me a cheap one for now. I'm kinda upset since I have told him how I want to always be wearing it and so I want it to be nice. Also it is annoying me that he thinks I'm not worth a more expensive ring.

Am I being superficial?

Let me guess, you follow HONY?

[Anonymous]

Maybe he wants to spend the other 4-5k on something else like the wedding, the honeymoon, or even the downpayment on a house. Maybe you're just thinking about the present and he's thinking about the future?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here.

My bf is no millionaire. He isn't very poor either. He has a graduate degree and earns okay money. I would expect something in the 5-7k range. It is decent affordable and respectable. He however is looking more at the 1-2k range. Which...I'm hurt he isn't being more generous.

So what is the $5-7K gift you are giving him?

I guess you are, as Carolyn Hax put it in the link, "the commodity being bought." Better tell him your purchase price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted a ring that was in line with his income. Don't buy me a $300 ring then go spend $1000+ on your hobby. I also wanted him to pay in full-don't go into debt for an e-ring. I wanted to know he could set a financial goal and save towards it.

He couldn't afford a great setting and diamond. So I picked a great setting and CZ. Figured I could upgrade to a diamond later. But now I'd rather have a new kitchen and not worth spending $$ on a stone.

I'm with this poster. A man in his 30s+ who owns a home and is successful well into his career should not "cheap out" on a ring, choosing to spend that money on a new hobby vehicle or boys trip to the Super Bowl, unless the bride-to-be indicates she wants something inexpensive. That indicates him prioritizing himself over her/the relationship. A man in his 20s who still has student loan debt, or or a man of any age who doesn't own a home, or is in a moderately-paying field, should not feel compelled to spend above his means. That indicates pressure, either got the bride-to-be or society, or financial irresponsibility.