Women: do you care how much your engagement ring costs?

[Anonymous]

I don't think you're superficial - I think you don't really want to marry him. If you think he thinks you aren't "worth more", that's a relationship issue. If you really wanted to marry the guy, this wouldn't be coming up.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don't know how best to explain it. I want him to want to get me the best ring he can because he thinks I deserve that and nothing less. Starting the talk with, I cant get you X ring because I can't afford it, isn't exactly romantic.

And for the record, we have been talking marriage and engagement for a whole year now. I have told him how, I do not wear ANY jewelry and the only piece of jewelry I want to wear forever is my engagement ring so I want it to be nice and special.

I feel so hurt that given how much time he has had, and how much I have emphasized it, he just goes and head and wants to disregard my wishes for and get me something last minute knowing well its not what I want or expect.

Rude much?

[Anonymous]

I understand where you're coming from, but - you probably won't wear the engagement ring every day forever.

[Anonymous]

YES, I absolutely cared! If he's spending a bunch of money on carbon, then he's got less for the wedding, house, kids, retirement, and vacations that I want and consider more important. I couldn't marry a guy who was silly enough to spend all his money on something so trivial as a pretty rock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't know how best to explain it. I want him to want to get me the best ring he can because he thinks I deserve that and nothing less. Starting the talk with, I cant get you X ring because I can't afford it, isn't exactly romantic.

And for the record, we have been talking marriage and engagement for a whole year now. I have told him how, I do not wear ANY jewelry and the only piece of jewelry I want to wear forever is my engagement ring so I want it to be nice and special.

I feel so hurt that given how much time he has had, and how much I have emphasized it, he just goes and head and wants to disregard my wishes for and get me something last minute knowing well its not what I want or expect.

Rude much?

OP, I get how you're feeling. It sounds like you're feeling like your boyfriend didn't take your feelings into account.

But please consider the possibility that he is really quite terrified that he won't be able to please you on this one. A lot of people, when faced with that feeling, would react just as your boyfriend is acting - right or wrong.

I would like to suggest what another poster suggested - to consider the CZ route. Please don't scoff. If you buy the stone (try Wink Jones - google him) yourself and then go to a reputable jeweler, you'll be able to get exactly the ring you want, and you probably won't spend more than a few thousand. My husband and I decided together to do this (we wanted to pay off student loan debt and put a down payment on a house much more than we wanted to buy a diamond). My ring is really beautiful, and actually no one knows it is a CZ. You 100% cannot tell. I also keep the ring clean which helps.

Another thing I want to mention is that it doesn't sound like you really know much about your potential fiance's finances or have many potential future joint projects together planned (such as buying a house one day). Maybe you want to get on the same page about those things and go full transparent with each other before considering engagement. And no, that is not code for "find out how much he's worth before you commit." Rather, whether or not you have a happy marriage will ride on your being a financial team. And right now it doesn't sound like you are there at all yet.

Again, I understand your feelings, but unless you have other reasons to suspect your boyfriend doesn't care about how you feel (other instances of him declining to please you), then I wouldn't assume he's being rude here. I almost guarantee you he feels really intimidated by this whole ring thing and resigned that he won't be able to please you.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't know how best to explain it. I want him to want to get me the best ring he can because he thinks I deserve that and nothing less. Starting the talk with, I cant get you X ring because I can't afford it, isn't exactly romantic.

And for the record, we have been talking marriage and engagement for a whole year now. I have told him how, I do not wear ANY jewelry and the only piece of jewelry I want to wear forever is my engagement ring so I want it to be nice and special.

I feel so hurt that given how much time he has had, and how much I have emphasized it, he just goes and head and wants to disregard my wishes for and get me something last minute knowing well its not what I want or expect.

Rude much?

Ew. Just gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't know how best to explain it. I want him to want to get me the best ring he can because he thinks I deserve that and nothing less. Starting the talk with, I cant get you X ring because I can't afford it, isn't exactly romantic.

And for the record, we have been talking marriage and engagement for a whole year now. I have told him how, I do not wear ANY jewelry and the only piece of jewelry I want to wear forever is my engagement ring so I want it to be nice and special.

I feel so hurt that given how much time he has had, and how much I have emphasized it, he just goes and head and wants to disregard my wishes for and get me something last minute knowing well its not what I want or expect.

Rude much?

You think your boyfriend is rude? Oh my goodness.

[Anonymous]

take the median HHI and divide by 10, that's the starting point of a ring. You can also take your current hhi and divide by ten as well. for the dc area the ring should be at least 9000+

http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2014/09/19/boomtown-dc-region-has-highest-median-household-income/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obvious troll is obvious.

+1. There are materialistic women out there but none this shallow and dense and provocative.

[Anonymous]

Any woman who is worried about the cost of a ring is not the woman for me. That money is obviously better spent on honeymoon or actual married life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:take the median HHI and divide by 10, that's the starting point of a ring. You can also take your current hhi and divide by ten as well. for the dc area the ring should be at least 9000+

http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2014/09/19/boomtown-dc-region-has-highest-median-household-income/

Are you a troll, too? Who commanded this little "rule"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obvious troll is obvious.

+1. There are materialistic women out there but none this shallow and dense and provocative.

I think you would be surprised!

I once knew a girl who kept a scrap book of information about rings and other kinds of "expectations" she had for her married life, such as pictures of homes and furniture etc. If I remember correctly (this is years ago), she was "expecting" at least 6 carats, yet she was dating an entry level stockbroker.

She would also complain to me that sex gets soooo boring after a few years (she had been dating her boyfriend for 4).

These two did eventually get married. I believe she got 4 carats and was cranky about it. How much sex do you think they are having now?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I don't know how best to explain it. I want him to want to get me the best ring he can because he thinks I deserve that and nothing less. Starting the talk with, I cant get you X ring because I can't afford it, isn't exactly romantic.

And for the record, we have been talking marriage and engagement for a whole year now. I have told him how, I do not wear ANY jewelry and the only piece of jewelry I want to wear forever is my engagement ring so I want it to be nice and special.

I feel so hurt that given how much time he has had, and how much I have emphasized it, he just goes and head and wants to disregard my wishes for and get me something last minute knowing well its not what I want or expect.

Rude much?

My answer depends on what price you think the ring you want costs and how much income you and your STBF make.

[Anonymous]

I care. I wouldn't want my SO to spend a lot of money on one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:take the median HHI and divide by 10, that's the starting point of a ring. You can also take your current hhi and divide by ten as well. for the dc area the ring should be at least 9000+

http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2014/09/19/boomtown-dc-region-has-highest-median-household-income/

Are you a troll, too? Who commanded this little "rule"?

If he is serious he will make it happen. I guess a car is more important than your love.